Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Chris Brown

Quotables: Chris Brown Doesn’t Discuss His Penis

picture of chris brown grabbing dick crotch penis photos

“You can’t blame people for how they want to be portrayed or if they don’t want to be associated with somebody who had a particular mishap.”

The mishap he’s referring to? Two guesses: not the pencil dick photos floating around the web, or even the really cheesy video that sensually skims his body up and down to vague R&B music that belongs on the set of Waiting to Exhale – he’s referring to the Rihanna incident – the one where he almost beat her face flat and then nearly choked her to death. You know – THAT particular ‘mishap.’

I also think it’s pretty funny that his latest album is to be titled ‘F.A.M.E.,’ an acronym for ‘forgiving all my enemies.’ I really like the whole forgiveness thing, it’s, you know, a crucial part to being a successful human being even if it’s not always easy to forgive and let go, but Chris … damn, boy. If you gave the same careful attention to your words as you do mowing the lawn for Dick and his two nutty friends, you might be better off.

So THIS is Chris Brown’s Penis

picture of chris brown at all stars hoops heroes photos

I know you guys were all dying to know what it looked like, especially after his recent ‘abuse’ photo was released. Y’all were probably thinking, ‘Heck yes, the only thing hotter than this douchebag’s lips has got to be his wayward penis,’ so guys? Here it is. A picture of his penis, which was said to be taken for a girlfriend’s pleasure, and was also said to be leaked by Chris himself, though his rep vehemently denies it.

I mean, I’d deny it too, a penis that skinny. Laws yes.

Jump in for the extremely NSFW (and large) photo of Chris Brown’s magic stick and dangly bits.

Read More

Chris Brown Probably Leaked His Own Abuse Photo

photo of chris browns injuries pictures abuse

Remember way back when Chris Brown brutalized Rihanna in his car after some awards ceremony, resulting in an awful, nightmarish fugue of anger and publicity that lasted for, like, three months? And remember how someone from inside the police force or hospital leaked the abuse photos of Rihanna, and after all that, Chris became kind of a joke in the music industry, not to mention, oh, COMPLETELY SUCKING AT LIFE?

Well everyone still remembers, and because new photos of Rihanna from that night have hit the ‘net recently, someone decided that it’d also be a good idea to release a photo of Chris Brown’s ‘horrific’ injuries, which were taken at approximately the same time as Rihanna’s.

I thought the guy was a total douchebag before this photo, but now?  I’m just positive that he’s a complete monster, if there was any lingering doubts from before.

Photo via Media TakeOut

Rihanna Wants Chris Brown Back in Her Life

It hasn’t even been two full years since Chris Brown beat Rihanna to a pulp and the singer is already allowing him a chance to get back in her life. Rihanna has apparently approved Chris’ request to have the restraining order against him softened to a mere level one. Basically that means the two can communicate as long as Chris refrains from any abuse or harassment.

With Grammy night, the anniversary of the brawl that lead to their breakup, just around the corner, it seems like Chris is trying to pry himself back into her life while he thinks he may still have a chance. Rihanna’s newly single, just went through another nude photo scandal, but her career is hotter than ever. Successful and vulnerable, every psycho dude’s favorite type of lady.

Sad thing is, I’m pretty sure there’s at least a small chance these two will get back together. Rihanna gives off a major “I do what I want and nobody can stop me” vibe, and I doubt she would consider the opinions of her fans and/or people when making moves in her romantic life.

Ugh. I am so not ready for Whitney and Bobby, Part 2 (The Remix).

Would you forgive Rihanna for taking back Chris Brown?
View Results

Chris Brown Graduates From Domestic Violence School, Tweets Photo of Diploma

photo of chris brown with a puppy on his shoulder pictures photographs

OK. So we all have our feelings about Chris Brown – some hate him, some love him, some forgive him, and some even say that his violent physical rage against Rihanna was an entitlement (and what the fuck is wrong with you people – no one deserves to be hit you bunch of twats).

Chris has also kind of stayed out of the spotlight since the whole fucking-up-Rihanna’s-world thing, (with, you know, the exception of whining that his albums were suffering because people couldn’t get over the fact that he brutalized his girlfriend for the world to see)

And then he comes out and does this:
twitter photo of chris brown domestic violence completion certificate pictures photographs

Yes. Posts his certificate of completion for participating in an anti-domestic violence class. On Twitter.  His mama must be so proud – maybe she can hang it next to the photo of her boy in the orange smock, who’s picking trash off of the side of the highway. … I mean come on guys. It’s nice, you know, his tweet and all about being ‘proud’ that he completed the (ahem, court-mandated) course, but I think flaunting the certificate that states ‘Yep, Chris Brown attended each and every single meeting and didn’t spend the entire time texting bitches on his phone’ is pretty classless, plainly, because it just screams ‘Attention! And more of it, motherfuckers!’

Just break it down – say a good non-celebrity friend of yours was busted for beating the hell out of his or her significant other. Imagine, obviously, the embarrassment and shame that both parties went through. You’d think that your friend would want to serve his or her time, learn a wicked valuable lesson, and pray like the hammers of hell that those around would be forgiving. What, then, would you think of your friend if he or she decided to post a photo of a domestic violence graduation on Facebook? Wouldn’t you think that the entire thing had been cheapened, and it was a last ditch effort at sucking the very last bit of attention through a busted straw? Yes, you would. Because it’s unnecessary. It would be in bad taste for your friend to do it, and it’s in even worse taste to do it from a place of celebrity, Chris Brown.

I’m glad that you’ve learned your lesson Chris, I really am. I hope you’ve taken forgiveness and forgiven yourself. I also hope to God that you never get to a place again where you resort to violence in any circumstances.

But what the fuck all over this story.

Rihanna is the Only (Alleged) Fool in the World to Have Fallen For Chris Brown’s BET Crocodile Tears

Remember Chris Brown’s cheeseball performance of a Michael Jackson tribute at the BET awards last month? Those wretched, gag-a-maggot tears that were allegedly triggered by eye drops, and not because Brown has a feeling bone in his body, with the exception of his penis?

It sounds like ex-girlfriend Rihanna didn’t hear about his alleged eye drop usage, because she and Brown have reportedly reconciled (as friends, don’t worry) their differences, as Rihanna was “moved” that Brown was able to show such emotion — and not, you know, the blacked-out violence kind-of-emotion that Brown has exhibited in the past. According to a “friend” of the former couple:

“It’s been almost a year since they last spoke, but Rihanna felt like she could try to be friends with Chris again. Seeing how emotional he was on set [at the BET Awards] really touched her. She’d never seen him like that before. Chris [also] told her that he felt like he’s grown up in the past year. He’s said he’s so happy to be back in touch with her. They were each other’s first love and he’s missed her so much. Rihanna knows that if he wanted him back, he’d be there in a second.”

Uh, you know, just because you were once someone’s “first love” doesn’t mean that they automatically earn a place in your life — or your heart — down the road. Especially if the relationship ended under the circumstances that Rihanna and Chris’s did.

If, you know, you want to forgive Chris for what he did, Rihanna, more power to you. I think it’s an amazing thing when people can look inside themselves to really let go of the malicious and horrific things that some people in our past have done to us, and it’s really a gift to be able to do so. But there’s no reason to bring that person from your past back into your present.  Ihave no explanation for that — I just stand firm in my opinion that there’s just not.