Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Chris Brown

Chris Brown Has A Cast on His Punchin’ Hand

A photo of Chris Brown

Poor, poor Chris Brown. We all know that he didn’t do anything wrong concerning his fight with Frank Ocean, and now look at this! This poor man has a cast on his right hand. What sort of monster is Frank Ocean anyway? What did he do to Chris’ hand? He probably stomped on it, huh? Or maybe he had a hammer in his pocket, just for occasions like this. You never know when a kind, gentle soul like Chris is going to come along and need some bones broken.

Oh, wait, is that the hand Chris punches with? He’s right-handed, so I’m pretty sure it is. Is it possible that he got this injury by hitting someone?

Nah. Nah, guys. Remember, this is the same injury that Olivier Martinez, Halle Berry‘s man, had after he got so brutally assaulted by Gabriel Aubry. This just looks like the universal injuries of poor angel victims who never do anything wrong ever. SO SAD.

Chris Brown Kind of Just Compared Himself to Jesus

A photo of Chris Brown

Ok, ok. Chris Brown posted this photo on Instagram last night. The caption was “Painting the way I feel today. Focus on what matters!” And here’s the photo:

A photo of Chris Brown

Whoa. Whoa. Hold up. Chris Brown painted a picture of Jesus on the cross because he was painting the way he feels. Are we all getting that? He seriously just did that.

This is so much worse than when he compared himself to Tupac. I mean, I know you guys know who Jesus is, but can we really just take a moment to consider this? Chris Brown considers himself to be a Christian. That means that he thinks Jesus was the son of God. Jesus is Lord. Just to bring it to a more casual place, Jesus was a super peaceful guy who just wanted everybody to chill out and love each other. Jesus was awesome! Does that sound anything like Chris Brown?

But I’m really not the person to be discussing this, guys. After all, I’m obviously one of the many people who crucified Chris. You know, because calling an asshole an asshole is just like crucifixion. I’m just one of those bitches who refuse to believe how great Chris Brown is, and thousands of years from now, when Chris Brown is celebrated and adored, I’m going to be just another poor, stupid soul who was too blind to realize what I witnessed. I’m so glad we could clear this up!

Chris Brown Hit Frank Ocean First

A photo of Chris Brown

From TMZ:

Chris Brown threw the first punch in his brawl with Frank Ocean … after Frank disrespected the singer in front of his boys … an eyewitness tells TMZ.

According to someone who was on scene, Chris lost his cool in the parking lot of the famous Westlake Recording Studios in L.A. Sunday when Frank refused to shake his hand.

We’re told Frank simply laughed at the gesture … and Chris was so pissed he coldcocked Ocean and started an all-out war.  As we first reported, Chris denies being the aggressor.

The fight quickly moved to the lobby of the studio … and sources say the brawling posses demolished the place –”They managed to break almost everything in the room and scare all of the staff members working” says the witness.

We’re told the receptionist called 911 … and Chris booked it. As TMZ first reported, Frank stuck around for the cops … and griped about how he felt “blindsided” by Chris.

One last thing — we’re told the parking situation at the recording studio is a serious hierarchy — with the bigger artists taking the better spots … and it’s been that way for years. We’re told Chris clearly felt he deserved the top spot … and Frank disrespected him by taking it for himself.

See, this scenario sounds way more likely than the one we first heard. Because sorry, but if there’s a situation involving Chris Brown and it turns out that someone was being a dick, the dick is going to be Chris Brown. Always.

There’s more news on this fight, too: TMZ spoke with police, who say that they have surveillance video of the fight. But remember how the fight moved from the parking lot to the lobby of the recording studio? The cameras were just in the lobby. They say that in that video, Chris and Frank aren’t physically fighting, but their friends are.

Also, Chris’ lawyer contacted police to tell them that Chris was totally ready to talk to them about what happened, because “he knows he did nothing wrong.” Ha. Oh, and Chris left real quick when he heard someone was calling 911 because his lawyer told him that if he ever felt like he was about to get in trouble, he needed to leave immediately. Apparently his lawyer forgot to really define what kind of trouble he was talking about.

Team Frank Ocean. Did that even need to be said?