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Chris Brown

6Stop Tweeting Chris Brown About Rihanna, Ok?!

A photo of Chris Brown

For real, you guys, stop. It’s not cute anymore. I know that back in 2009 or whatever it was the cool thing to do, you know, like “oooh, Chris Brown, why did you viciously assault your girlfriend, Rihanna,” but that was like three years ago. It’s 2011 now, and you guys that haven’t forgotten about that one measly act of domestic violence just need to grow up and get over yourselves.

Here, let me let Chris tell you how he feels in his own words, the ones he Tweeted then deleted:

dont say sh*t to anybody and everyone feels its cool to attack me. GROWN ADULTS!!!! that sh*t happened three years ago!

i know alot of you wack @ss(OLD) celebrities probably wanna f*** my ex but talking sh*t on me wont get u far!

and to be REALLY HONEST… yall wonder why n*gga spazzes all the time? Lol

So, to recap, you guys are way immature for saying things to Chris Brown about the whole Rihanna thing, especially since he hasn’t even done anything, if you do say anything negative to Chris about how he beat his girlfriend, it’s just because you want to have sex with her, and it’s our fault that he spazzes all the time. Got it?

November 15, 2011 at 2:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Chris Brown, Rihanna

13Chris Brown Embarrasses Himself, Shows Us What He’s Packing Again

photo of chris brown performing on stage penis pictures
But this time – THIS TIME! – he’s gone and shrink wrapped the shit in some kind of shiny green polyurethane blend that’s probably giving him testicular cancer as we speak. The photo isn’t exactly NSFW (oops, this link is), but I’m going to stick it below the jump just in case there are reps for, like, Sesame Street wanting to buy ad space on our site and in that case, here’s a little Elmo ditty that’s totally appropriate for the accompanying photo.

Jump in to see the Green Lantern Wang!


November 2, 2011 at 10:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Chris Brown

0Just in Case You Needed to Be Disgusted by Chris Brown Again Today …

Here’s a video of a Chris Brown performance where he humps the floor, almost kisses some poor fan who happens to be onstage, licks the girl’s knee, and finishes everything up by tugging at his pants as the lights go down. Yeah, it’s probably not as bad as knocking up some poor girl, but visually, it’s an assault, and I would like to know where I can force this wrong to be righted.

September 27, 2011 at 4:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Chris Brown

1Is Lindsay Lohan Trying to Get Into Chris Brown’s Pants?

photo of lindsay lohan and chris brown pictures photos

I mean, some of you couldn’t blame her if she was trying, right? Some of you have really high opinions of what Brown’s got going on below the belt, I think. Anyway, according to Lindsay’s Twitter:

@ChrisBrown killed it. #MTVVMAs

Then, a few minutes later, she Tweeted:

@ChrisBrown wanna meet?

Chris Brown, so far, hasn’t responded, but maybe he sent her a direct message featuring his brown Chris. That apparently seals the deal for most women everywhere.

August 30, 2011 at 12:30 pm by Sarah

0Chris Brown’s Neighbors Hate Him, Too

A photo of Chris Brown at the Reebok Classics Party August 22

According to the AP, a Los Angeles judge has ordered further investigations into neighbors’ complaints about unruly Chris Brown. The judge expects a full report in time for Brown’s October court hearing.

TMZ first broke the news that Chris Brown is the “neighbor from hell,” adding that he blasts music at all hours, parks his expensive cars in clearly-marked designated handicapped spaces (he lives in a condo), vandalizes the property, and even—get this—races dogs up and down the hallways. Dog-racing? In the halls? What?

The prosecuting attorney in Brown’s probation case told the judge that the homeowners’ association plans to send a letter outlining their unified belief that Brown has violated his probation. The judge has also received numerous phone calls from the condominium’s other residents.

Brown’s lawyer was quick to point out that city officials have absolved Chris Brown of most of his parking citations, which totaled $15,000.

August 26, 2011 at 2:30 pm by Jenn
Filed Under: Chris Brown

8Chris Brown Fans: Fox News’s Andy Levy Is “Sorry”

HOW LAME is it that Chris Brown still has a career? Like, I can totally understand the instinct to needle him on Twitter, because the dude is an entitled twerp.

So Fox News’s Andy Levy started a little Twitter spat with Chris Brown, and—no, duh, because this is the Internet—Chris Brown’s jillion fans went on the offensive. Dear fans: Fox News’s Andy Levy is sorry. (But not really.)

I hope you brought along your sense of irony!

August 19, 2011 at 2:30 pm by Jenn
Filed Under: Chris Brown