Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Chris Brown

I Just Really Don’t Get This Chris Brown Thing

photo of chris brown and fans in new york city pictures photos pics

I know we’re supposed to be all forgivey-forgivey in this life, but this? This picture of many young women all excited to skulk up to Chris Brown and have their photo taken? It really makes me scratch my head. Are we, as a society, so enamored and fascinated by celebrities that we’re willing to overlook absolutely everything that’s happened in the past (even OJ Simpson had his fans after his trial, and though I said I wouldn’t speak of this horrible bitch ever again, Casey Anthony‘s been receiving donations from male “admirers” since her verdict was reached)?

I know what Chris Brown did was supposedly small potatoes compared to the other two examples, and I know a lot of you guys are going to say “ugh, give it up, move on with your life, EVERYONE THAT’S ACTUALLY INVOLVED HAS,” but it’s stuff like this that really makes me shake my head. Maybe I’m of a different mindset than the young, unsuspecting girls in the photo above, but I’d be damned if I’d let go of my principles just to indulge a brief star-struck whim.

Have I “forgiven” Chris Brown? Nah, I guess not maybe. But I don’t matter in this thing. But do I think that having mindless adoration from people who don’t even know the real you may only encourage you to justify that kind of behavior: “Well maybe what I did actually wasn’t all that bad, maybe, was it?” And I? Well, I just don’t think that this dude is a very nice guy, even aside from the whole Rihanna thing.

Who knows. Maybe I’m talking out of my ass, but hey. That’s what these damned blogs are for.

We Need to Talk About What Chris Brown Wore Last Night

A photo of Chris Brown

This morning, Sarah told you guys about Chris Brown at the BET Awards, and she even showed you a gallery of the awards, but still, I can’t leave this alone. I just can’t.  There are so many unanswered questions and unresolved feelings about what this man wore to perform in last night, and I’ve always been an advocate of using teamwork to come to terms with tragedies and to evolve the soul, and so here we are.

Someone please justify what Chris Brown is doing here. Breezy fans, this is your moment:  you can’t justify a lot of things that Chris Brown has done, but there’s a slight chance that you can give some reasoning behind this little ensemble. Do your best, kids!

Chris Brown and Rihanna Are Probably Sexting

A photo of Rihanna and Chris Brown

Or maybe not.  Maybe Chris Brown and Rihanna are just trying to salvage something of their relationship, or maybe they’re just trying to make things not completely horrible and awkward when they bump into each other at award shows or something. I don’t know.  All I know is that Chris Brown can’t work Twitter.

You know how you can send direct messages and you can send the little @ replies to people?  Poor Chris Brown has a little trouble with that.  Yesterday, he got the two things confused, and he sent Rihanna a message, in front of God and everybody, that said “you got that pic I sent you?”  He deleted the Tweet soon after, but the internet is lightning quick, and now we all know about it.

It’s possible the picture was totally innocent. Maybe he got another shitty tattoo he thought she’d like to see, or maybe he saw something funny at the Walmart – it’s really anyone’s guess.  But nowadays, when the public thinks of Chris Brown and pictures, only one thing comes to mind.  And that’s his dick.  Are you understanding the logic here yet?  Chris Brown is incapable of sending anyone a picture that isn’t of his junk.

At this point in time, I feel like I’ve been over Rihanna for decades, like “Rude Boy” came out when I was three and it’s been violently hammered into my soul ever since.  Still though, I wouldn’t like to see Rihanna go back to such an abusive prick, or even be subjected to a penis picture or two.  What about you guys, what’s your stance on this nowadays?

Love It or Leave It: Chris Brown’s New Tattoo

A photo of Chris Brown

Chris Brown is never going to be able to do anything right ever again. He tried showing humility by admitting that he crapped himself on stage before, he tried winning over all the penis lovers, and now he’s trying cutesy tattoos.  It’s not going to work, Chris.  It’s just not.

I bet he wanted a regular smiley face but as soon as the tattoo was finished it morphed itself into something twisted and grotesque. Even ink understands when someone done went and fucked up for life.

Yeah, so what do you guys think about the new body art?

Quotables: Chris Brown Crapped His Pants on Stage

“When I was 17, I was going around touring around the world performing, and for the kickoff for one of our tours, I was eating the food that gave me food poisoning. So I got, like, midway through the show, and I just remember my stomach starting bubbling. So I just remember dancing and onstage in the midst of all that, I … is it like sharted? The crowd didn’t know it, and I had like an outfit change coming up, so I said, ‘Yeah, I can hold it out one more song,’ and this is real disgusting and too descriptive, it was just … I just remember it running down my leg.”

-Chris Brown, in his upcoming episode of the MTV show When I Was 17.

This couldn’t make any more sense considering that Chris is, figuratively, a pretty shitty person. Makes sense that it’s literal, too. And hey, I think he just got Fergie off the hook for peeing her pants on stage for like, life.