But this time – THIS TIME! – he’s gone and shrink wrapped the shit in some kind of shiny green polyurethane blend that’s probably giving him testicular cancer as we speak. The photo isn’t exactly NSFW (oops, this link is), but I’m going to stick it below the jump just in case there are reps for, like, Sesame Street wanting to buy ad space on our site and in that case, here’s a little Elmo ditty that’s totally appropriate for the accompanying photo.
Jump in to see the Green
November 2, 2011 at 10:30 am by Sarah
Here’s a video of a Chris Brown performance where he humps the floor, almost kisses some poor fan who happens to be onstage, licks the girl’s knee, and finishes everything up by tugging at his pants as the lights go down. Yeah, it’s probably not as bad as knocking up some poor girl, but visually, it’s an assault, and I would like to know where I can force this wrong to be righted.
September 27, 2011 at 4:30 pm by Emily
@ChrisBrown killed it. #MTVVMAs
Then, a few minutes later, she Tweeted:
@ChrisBrown wanna meet?
August 30, 2011 at 12:30 pm by Sarah
According to the AP, a Los Angeles judge has ordered further investigations into neighbors’ complaints about unruly Chris Brown. The judge expects a full report in time for Brown’s October court hearing.
TMZ first broke the news that Chris Brown is the “neighbor from hell,” adding that he blasts music at all hours, parks his expensive cars in clearly-marked designated handicapped spaces (he lives in a condo), vandalizes the property, and even—get this—races dogs up and down the hallways. Dog-racing? In the halls? What?
The prosecuting attorney in Brown’s probation case told the judge that the homeowners’ association plans to send a letter outlining their unified belief that Brown has violated his probation. The judge has also received numerous phone calls from the condominium’s other residents.
Brown’s lawyer was quick to point out that city officials have absolved Chris Brown of most of his parking citations, which totaled $15,000.
August 26, 2011 at 2:30 pm by Jenn
HOW LAME is it that Chris Brown still has a career? Like, I can totally understand the instinct to needle him on Twitter, because the dude is an entitled twerp.
So Fox News’s Andy Levy started a little Twitter spat with Chris Brown, and—no, duh, because this is the Internet—Chris Brown’s jillion fans went on the offensive. Dear fans: Fox News’s Andy Levy is sorry. (But not really.)
I hope you brought along your sense of irony!
August 19, 2011 at 2:30 pm by Jenn
How sassy is Anderson Cooper? So sassy, right? I adore this man, I really do, and I always love it when people tell it like it is, so what choice did I have but to simply rejoice when Anderson didn’t hold back about how ridiculous it is that Chris Brown is acting in a romantic comedy?
Here are Anderson’s true words:
“Ladies and gentlemen, particularly ladies, Chris Brown has been cast in a movie. And not just any movie, it’s a romantic comedy based on a self-help book about relationships. And I, for one, can not imagine why this did not happen sooner because if there’s one thing you can say about Chris Brown, who’s currently on probation for viciously assaulting his then-girlfriend Rihanna, he just oozes romance.”
Anderson also went on to describe some of Chris Brown’s methods of apologizing by saying ”Check out this love poem he posted on YouTube five months after he repeatedly punched her in the face and threatened to kill her while her mouth was filled with blood.”
Chris Brown’s response?
“Yeah, I guess I did beat my girl pretty bad, huh? LOL!!!”