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Chris Brown

1LOL: Chris Brown is in the custody of US Marshals

Chris Brown Court Hearing - Los Angeles, CA

Chris Brown has been desperately trying to buy his way out of jail and claiming that he’s being picked on by, you know, being put behind bars for repeatedly violating his parole. However, things have just taken an infinitely more awesome turn, because not only did he NOT get out of jail, but he’s been handed over to the feds to be flown to DC to stand trial for assault. YESSSSSS.

From CNN:

Chris Brown’s trip to face trial in Washington will be on the Justice Department’s “Con Air” prisoner airline, not on a private jet or a first class commercial ticket as the singer hoped.

Brown, 24, was transferred into the custody of federal marshals after an extradition hearing in federal court in Los Angeles on Wednesday, according to U.S. Marshals Service spokewoman Laura Vega.

Brown will be booked on a series of government planes that hopscotch across the country taking inmates from prison to prison, Vega said. The trip, with several layovers in jails along the way, could take up to two weeks, she said.

Unlike Brown’s usual mode of touring the country in luxury, he will be wearing handcuffs and possibly chains on his legs.

This is awesome. Even if he ends up getting off for this – and he probably will, but God I hope not – at least he had to deal with this shit. Is it over-the-top? Maybe. BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH. This idiot needs to realize he’s not above the law. Maybe then he’ll stop being a dickhead, but I think that’s probably a little too ingrained now for him to change that.

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April 4, 2014 at 6:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Chris Brown

18Boo hoo, Chris Brown says prosecutors are picking on him

chris brown jailChris Brown is still in jail and desperately trying to buy his way out, but prosecutors are fighting hard to keep him right where he is and trying to assure that he doesn’t jilt the system yet again to get off without punishment. Of course, when Chris attempts to manipulate the law for his own gain, it’s 100% legit and totally fine, but when prosecutors give him a taste of his own medicine, he starts crying about being picked on.

From TMZ:

Chris Brown says prosecutors in his Washington D.C. assault case screwed him over by unlawfully getting a sneak peek of witnesses … so he wants the charges thrown out.

Brown’s lawyer, Mark Geragos, says prosecutors had no right to take Brown’s case before the grand jury.  He says in his legal docs the U.S. Attorney had already decided to reduce the charge from a felony to a misdemeanor assault.

Geragos alleges the ONLY reason a grand jury was convened was to get a preview of how the witnesses in their case would fare under oath.  In other words, Geragos says prosecutors used the grand jury for a dry run, and that’s absolutely an egregious abuse of power.

A judge has yet to rule.

Now I’m not a lawyer, but don’t prosecutors get to know who the witnesses are going to be so they can prepare their cross-examination questions? Like, isn’t that just… normal procedure? What could be a “gross abuse of power” seems to me like prosecutors know that Chris likes to try and pull slick shit and will even pay people off to make sure he doesn’t pay for his crimes, so they’re trying to avoid that at all costs.

Sorry, but I’m on the prosecution’s side, here. Let this idiot rot.

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March 28, 2014 at 11:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Chris Brown

0Chris Brown on jail: ‘I feel like a caged animal’

chris brown

Chris Brown has been ordered to stay in jail for a month but he’s been trying to buy his way out of there since apparently the law doesn’t apply to him. Apparently, he’s having a pretty tough time in the slammer and is feeling a bit like a caged animal. Yay!

From TMZ:

You’d think the photos of Rihanna‘s battered face would have left an impression … on him.  But apparently it took a few days in solitary to shake Chris to the core.

One source — who recently spoke with Brown on the phone — tells us, Chris says he feels like “a caged animal,” calling it “the worst experience of my life.”

We’re told Chris has been spending his time behind bars working out and writing music.  He’s telling people on the phone, “I’ll never f*** up again.”

HAHAHA. Yeah, okay. Look, you’re in JAIL, dude. Prison. That means it’s not SUPPOSED to be some cushy funhouse that’s just like being at home. You are being punished for repeated shitty behaviour, so it’s not particularly meant to be some pie in the sky experience. Jesus.

I say we keep him there for another few months, even years. Hell, throw away the key! The world will thank you.

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March 22, 2014 at 11:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Chris Brown

1Chris Brown is trying to buy his way out of jail

chris brown

While a judge ruled that Chris Brown needs to stay put behind bars until April 23rd after violating his probation yet again by getting kicked out of rehab, we all know that rules don’t apply to Chris. He is a law unto himself, so while the judge says the outcome of his upcoming DC assault case will determine just how long he’s in jail, he’s willing to fork out some big money to get the victim to recant his story so Chris can roam free.

From TMZ:

Sources connected with the D.C. assault case tell TMZ … Chris’ lawyer, Mark Geragos, has contacted the lawyer for the man who claims Chris assaulted him in D.C., breaking his nose, and offered him a BIG FAT CHECK.

We’re told Geragos is gunning for a civil settlement … which could very well mean the broken nose guy would tell prosecutors he no longer has an interest in pursuing the criminal case.  And our sources say prosecutors are aware of the civil settlement negotiations.

We’re told Geragos may have already sealed the deal but if not … it should be done in a day or 2.

So here’s the likely resolution.  The alleged victim gets a ton of money (our educated guess is several hundred thousand dollars), D.C. prosecutors drop the criminal assault case and the Rihanna judge then lets Chris out of jail either late this week or early next.

Oh, fuck off. The issue here is that we all know that much money can be life-changing, and I doubt the guy Chris assaulted is in any position to turn it down – especially not for the sake of teaching him a lesson when their paths will never cross again. Hell, I would probably take the money, so you can’t fault him for it. But the fact that this is even an option for this shit stain on humanity makes me sick.

Of course, Chris is a habitual offender and will no doubt land himself right back there in no time since he can’t seem to function as a normal member of society that doesn’t attack everything that pleases him (among other things).

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March 20, 2014 at 6:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Chris Brown

3Chris Brown is staying in jail for a month

chris brown

Chris Brown was hauled off to jail last weekend after being kicked out of rehab for reportedly getting “too close” to the women in the facility, which was a violation of his “stay at least two feet away from the female patients at all time” rule that applied specifically to him. He violated a few other rules, as well, but that was the biggest one.

In any case, of course he thought he’d get out of jail right away and go back to terrorizing the world, as has been the case for the past several years. Turns out, the judge isn’t really having it – Chris will stay in jail until at least April 23rd, when he’ll have another probation violation hearing. He’s also got a DC assault case that will be heard before then, so if he’s convicted there, he’s up Shit Creek without a paddle.

Here’s more scoop from TMZ:

The judge said Chris had an “inability to stay out of trouble.”  Hizzoner was especially concerned at a statement Chris made at the rehab joint, “I am good at using guns and knives.”

So Chris will sit in jail until April 23.  The judge wants Chris in the slammer until a D.C. jury decides if Chris committed criminal assault in an unrelated case.  That trial is set for April 17 and should only last a few days.  It’s unclear if the judge will let Chris back to attend the trial.

The L.A. judge will hold a probation violation hearing on April 23, and if Chris is convicted in D.C. he’s in big trouble.  Worst case scenario … he could be sentenced to 4 years in prison for violating probation in the Rihanna case.  One of the conditions — obey all laws.

LOL, yeah, it’s definitely a legit hard man who brags about how he’s “good at using guns and knives”. Seriously? Did he get his lines from a movie? What an absolute idiot.

Here’s the thing with Chris Brown: even if he ends up getting out of jail on April 23rd, he is a habitual offender and he will be straight back there in no time. There’s no hope for this asshole – why not do him a favour and take him off the streets now? Besides, that orange jumpsuit really looks good on him.

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March 18, 2014 at 6:25 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Chris Brown

2Chris Brown Arrested; Held Without Bail

chris brown

I hate writing about Chris Brown, I really do. But when he makes news, I gotta cover it, and thankfully, this time he’s giving me something to “HAW, HAW!” Nelson Muntz-style over. Dude got himself arrested for a probation violation. From The Los Angeles Times:

Singer Chris Brown was arrested Friday afternoon by Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies on a warrant related to his 2009 conviction for assaulting his then-girlfriend Rihanna.

The singer was taken to the inmate reception center in downtown Los Angeles, where he was being booked into jail, Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Capt. Mike Parker said.

The warrant was issued for a probation violation related to his 2009 conviction in the assault on Rihanna, authorities said.

Brown was “cooperative” when deputies arrested him in Malibu about 2 p.m. Friday, according to a statement released by the sheriff’s department.

He is being held without bail.

I’m sure he’ll find a way to blame this on his PTSD, because he never takes responsibility for his own actions, ever.

I mean, come on, how many more passes is this dude gonna get? How many more passes are we going to give him? How can anyone keep defending this dude?

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March 15, 2014 at 8:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Chris Brown
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