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Chris Brown

13Oh, And Here’s Chris Brown’s Halloween Costume

A photo of Chris Brown

As you can see, Chris Brown went for a group costume this year. That’s him in the middle, the one with the big gun.

I have no words here, so I’ll just let you guys fill this one in, all right?

November 1, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Chris Brown

5Karrueche Is Ready to Fight for Chris Brown

A photo of Karrueche Tran

Yeah, you get what’s yours, girl. Bring your man back home. Don’t even worry about all those photos and reports of him and Rihanna loving it up again, that’s totally whatever. What matters is that you’re focused, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and you’re prepared to really go for gold.

From TMZ:

Chris Brown’s recently-dumped ex Karrueche Tran still believes she has a future with the singer — in fact, Karrueche is telling friends, she’s not gonna stop trying to get with CB just because Rihanna’s back in the picture.

Sources close to Karrueche tell TMZ, she was hurt when Brown gave her the axe a few weeks ago … but she never stopped loving him — and now, she is on a mission to get him back.

We’re told Karrueche got used to a certain level of celebrity while dating the singer, and she’s not ready to “go back to being basic” — even if that means messing around with Brown, while he’s messing with RiRi.

Eventually, we’re told Karrueche hopes to edge Rihanna back out of the picture.

Case in point — Karrueche and CB were spotted hanging out together Monday in Burbank, CA … two days after Rihanna and CB were spotted together in L.A.

I don’t know if I’m a particularly independent woman or if I just don’t have these particular psychological issues (probably that one), but no. Even if there wasn’t the whole thing about location or fame or me being wary of dating a dude who is famous for beating up his girlfriend, if a guy broke up with me for another lady, boom, done. Never again. Like, you made your bed, bro, now lie in it and hopefully get some kind of curable but definitely troublesome STD.

All these girls just need to get of Chris Brown’s dick. There, I said it. Rihanna, Karrueche, whatever random girls he’s slept with while dating either of them, and all the fan girls who claim to be cool with him punching their faces. Get. Off. His. Dick. God.

October 24, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily

6Surprise, Chris Brown Is Still A Bad Person!

A photo of Chris Brown

He also got this big ol’ lion tattooed right on his throat last week, right next to his creepy lady tattoo. He tweeted that picture, along with the caption “symbol of Christ and Freedom!” Theory: in his mind, Chris is Jesus and Rihanna is a beaten face. Valid?

Oh, but that thing about Chris being a bad person still. Yeah, that’s true. We can tell because a few days ago he called one of his fans a f-ggot.

From Radar:

On Friday night Los Angeles resident Lucas Peter was at the Arclight movie theater in Hollywood when he spotted Chris and his entourage and approached him to ask for an autograph — but Lucas was taken off guard by Chris’ reaction.

“The movie let out and I saw Chris come out the front door, sort of semi-running. I approached Chris and asked him to sign my CD cover,” Lucas told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview.

“His bodyguard stopped me and said Chris wouldn’t be signing, so I told him Rihanna signs all the time. That’s when Chris stopped in the garage by the parking pay stand and yelled ‘f-ggot’ at me.”

Lucas, who is an openly gay man, admits getting angry at Chris’ ignorance and attacking him back by calling him a “wife beater.”

“I walked over to where Chris was getting in the elevator and called him a wife beater and asked him if he was going to beat Rihanna again,” Lucas said. ”Chris said, ‘I beat p-ssy’ and then his bodyguard tried to scare me by saying, ‘And I beat men.’”

According to Lucas, Chris took off with his bodyguard — and one less fan.

You know, I can understand how celebrities could get a little irritated with all the attention and paparazzi and all, but if one single dude wants an autograph, would it really kill you to just give it to him? You just have to say “hey” and scribble on some paper, that’s it, and in doing that, you’ll have made someone’s whole night. Would that really be so taxing?

As for the rest, the name-calling and the “I beat p-ssy” comment, that’s just classic Chris Brown. It’s not disappointing on that level, because it’s just so expected, but it’s disappointing on a bigger level, like on a “oh, great, this is the way the world is sometimes” level.

Chris doesn’t even deserve to have that majestic lion on his throat.

October 23, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Chris Brown

3Rihanna’s Dad Wants Rihanna to Marry Chris Brown

photo of rihanna and chris brown pictures
No, really. I know this is probably pretty surprising, considering the fact that Rihanna’s dad came out last week saying that he loves Chris Brown, but honestly, guys, he wants his daughter to marry the dude that beat the piss out of her that one time three years ago. And this is what he said:

“The family loved Chris Brown before they even met him. I always thought he was extremely talented. He always gave me great respect. Whatever makes her happy. I hope one day she will get married. Everyone adores Chris; he’s a super guy.”

I could seriously, seriously vomit. Is this, like, the Barbadian version of Michael Lohan, or what? This botard, publicly fellating Chris Brown and his TALENT and all of his SUPER-NESS and everything else … it positively reeks of a publicity dick-move. It’s like this guy wants nothing more than Rihanna to marry into (more) fame, and it doesn’t even matter what has to happen in order for this to … well, to happen. And that’s sad, guys. Pathetic.

October 19, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Chris Brown, Rihanna

27Now Rihanna Is Getting Breast Implants for Chris Brown

A photo of Rihanna

Man, being Chris Brown‘s girlfriend seems like way, way too much work. I mean, there’s the obvious drawback, but then there’s the cheating, the lying, the mental abuse, and the general douchebaggery. Is his penis worth it? No, really, we’ve all seen it by now: is it worth it?

Apparently he’s got something going for him* though, because we can go ahead and add surgery and body image issues to the list of things that come along with being Chris Brown’s girl. We can do that because there are new reports that poor Rihanna, who has a killer body, is considering getting breast implants because Chris thought it would be a good idea.

From the Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Rihanna wants to boost her bust – because, according to a source, Chris Brown said she’d be “totally hot” with bigger boob! Rihanna is not out shopping for a plastic surgeon who will pump her up “at least one bra size,” a friend of Rihanna’s tells the Enquirer.

“It’s horrifying seeing how much control Chris still has over her,” said the friend. “It’s like she’s hypnotized.”

Friends are concerned that Rihanna’s fixation with Chris has now spiraled out of control. Although she has publicly joked in the past about having “no boobs,” she never seriously considered going under knife – until now.

“Rihanna’s always been insecure about her cleavage,” revealed the friend, “but Chris’s comment has spurred her on to really do something about it. Rihanna can’t help herself. What she really wants is something she can’t have – a committed relationship with Chris.”

A “friend” of Rihanna’s also said that if she and Chris eloped, “no one close to them would be a bit shocked.”  Oh, and also “she would have never left him if the media scrutiny didn’t get so bad.”

Great ideas!  Great ideas all around!  Let’s just close up shop here, friends, because there are no better ideas to be had in all the world. Somebody better travel to some far off land to check and see if they have any better ideas, because we’ve obviously topped ourselves on this planet.

*Manipulation. It’s manipulation.

October 13, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Chris Brown, Rihanna

6Chris Brown Will “Try to Be Faithful” to Rihanna

A photo of Chris Brown and Rihanna

What a charmer, huh? Chris Brown will try to be faithful to you, and he probably won’t even beat you too much maybe! No promises though. You can’t tie down a man like Chris Brown.

From Hollywood Life:

Chris Brown is telling friends that he will “TRY to be faithful” to Rihanna, his now on-again girlfriend, since the R&B star split with girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, on October 4.

“He will try to be faithful to Ri, as faithful as he can to her,” a source exclusively reveals to HollywoodLife.com “He ain’t trying to hurt her feelings. He ain’t trying to get her all twisted up.”

Earlier this month, Chris and Rihanna had a week long NYC rendezvous while Karrueche was in also in town.  And, while the rapper technically cheated on Karrueche, his friends say that won’t be the case with the Rihanna.

“He will do his best. I mean, he’s a man at heart and it’s hard for him to turn down women when they come to him so freely,” our source reveals.  “But he did drop KT for Ri and told Ri he loves her so what that tell you? He know she right for him.”

As HollywoodLife.com previously reported, now that Chris has officially broken up with Karrueche, he has more than enough time to talk to Rihanna, and he’s making her his number one priority.

“Ri and Chris talk every day,” a source exclusively reveals to HollywoodLife.com “She be missing him like crazy [but] now that they back together she want to see him all the time. Guess those years away made her miss him real tough.”

F-ck Chris Brown and f-ck this guy, too. If Chris really was “a man at heart,” he would never have done half the shit he’s done. Chris Brown’s buddy is implying that Chris is a mature, respectable adult, and I think we all know how absurd that idea is. He’ll “try to be faithful,” f-ck you.

Sorry for all the cusses, friends, but this whole thing is just so off-putting to me. And probably to everyone. Everyone except Rihanna.

October 12, 2012 at 9:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Chris Brown, Rihanna