Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Chelsea Handler

Quotables: Chelsea Handler Claims She Ain’t Got Nothin’ on Jennifer Aniston, But Is Sleeping With 50 Cent

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“I was trying not to get photographed next to her in a bathing suit, for obvious reasons. So I did a lot of stuff on my own. I can’t bring 50 Cent with me, ’cause he’s not a strong swimmer. … I call him Curtis when we’re having sex. … [But] he does have a real name. His name is Curtis. Curtis…I don’t know, I should find out.”

The ever-amusing Chelsea Handler speaks to Jay Leno regarding her recent Thanksgiving day jaunt to Mexico with pal Jennifer Aniston and also addresses the ever-continuous rumors that her fine old ass is being walloped by 50 Cent on the regular.

So I Guess Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent are Hooking Up Now, Too?

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Ah, the ways of the world never cease to amaze me. If I could have chosen two other people that were allegedly hooking up that surprised me just as much, I’d say like, Jake Gyllenhaal and Lindsay Lohan or something.  Mel Gibson and Heidi Montag.  Totally. Did not. Expect.

But alright.

According to sources, Fitty and Chelsea were spotted acting quite cozy with one another over the weekend in my city, New Orleans, at one of my favorite jazz clubs (Blue Nile, baby), and it’s been unofficially officiated that the two are, in fact, dating:

“It’s been going on [for] awhile. It’s more of a hookup thing — whenever they are in the same town.”

A rep for 50 Cent declined to comment, while Handler’s peeps stated, “She saves all her comments for her own show.”

So, yeah. A bit vague, but it’s Apparently On, though a part of me still wonders if we can expect anything serious from Chelsea Handler, including letting us in on the reality of her dating life.

Is it Too Soon For Lindsay Lohan to Be Poking Fun at Herself in Public?

I mean, I know many of you’d much rather her just poke herself in public, but that’s not the question I’m asking here. Get your mind out of the gutter; I mean, I know it’s Monday morning, and those hot-assed VMA pictures have got you all riled up, but let’s get back to business here!

Lindsay Lohan, if you missed it, made a quasi-cameo appearance at last night’s Video Music Awards at the Nokia Theater. She played a rather lucrative role in a video showcasing this year’s host, Chelsea Handler (who I thought was dry and not all that entertaining, but this is what happens when you put that kind of pressure on a comedian — kinda hard to be funny when you’re expected to be funny), and spoofed herself saying, “Do you think anyone wants to work with a drunk? Take it from me, they don’t.”

I don’t know. It was nice to see Linds doing something other than walking to and from a courthouse, but I think she kind of got ahead of herself by mocking her “former” situation. May she be past all of it? Yeah, she could be. But I think a lot of people are going to say that she’s talking it up lightly just a bit too soon.

What do you think? Did you love the video, or was it over the top?

Chelsea Handler Continues to Prove That It’s Fine to Have Sex With Your Boss

Chelsea Handler’s reps over at E! just confirmed that she has, in fact, split from her longtime boyfriend, Ted Harbert AKA the CEO of Comcast Entertainment Group AKA the guy in charge of E! AKA Chelsea’s bossman. The two ended it last August, although they denied the reports of their break-up at first, and Chelsea has moved out of his big, huge rich person house.

Thankfully for Chelsea, her show does well in the ratings, otherwise there might be one less brassy 30-something woman talking about how much she loves sex and drinking on television. I know Sasha loves Chelsea, so I won’t be too harsh on her or her show, but let’s just put it this way: She’s damn lucky that I’m not Ted Harbert. Because I’d fire her. Because that’s how I do business. However, the E! rep told UsWeekly, “Ted has nothing but the highest regard for Chelsea both personally and professionally.”

Sill folks, this is why you have to be careful about “dipping your pen in the company vagina”, so to speak. It worked out for Chelsea, but the potential disaster is as obvious as her exploitation of that little person she drags around with her.

Chris Colfer from Glee on Chelsea Lately

Chris Colfer, Glee‘s Boss Bitch, was on Chelsea Lately last night discussing all things “new celebrity” and he was absolutely adorable. Of course one major topic of conversation is that Chris is an openly gay 19 year old actor, which, according to both him and Chelsea, is a lot less novel than you’d think. After Chelsea spent a moment awkwardly comforting Chris on his decision to be out by applauding his courage, Chris says, “You know what my answer was to that question prior to coming out was? I was as straight as every other actor in Hollywood.” ZING! And then Chelsea was all, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve never seen Valkyrie.”

Chris also talks about his Glee audition, dealing with paparazzi and his small hometown roots. Oh! And some LA County public school is harassing him about his daughter skipping class.

Which Would You Choose?

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Playboy has two covers out for its December issue.  Chelsea Handler who saw it for the first time on Leno and Joanna Krupa who thinks posing nude is the way for women to be able to compete with men in the salary game.  Jump in if you’d like to know a little bit more about Joanna.  Of course, if you buy December’s Playboy I suspect that you’ll know just about all there is to know about the model.

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Jay Leno Tries Humor For a Change, Chelsea Handler Tries Modesty For a Change

Chelsea Handler was on Leno — she mentioned that her father found her to be very sexual and I’m wondering if she was raised by Mitch Winehouse — last night and playing coy.  I love these “talents” that have no problem posing for a snatcherfold but then balk at the reveal.  Please.  Leno had Handler’s December Playboy cover hugely enlarged and hung.  “Hugely enlarged and hung.”  Didn’t that sound dirty?  Anyway, Chelsea was all like, “Noooooo, nooooo!  I don’t want to see it for the first time on your show.”  Whatever, Chels.  Your twat is public property now.  Public pubes.

Jay is obviously trying to be edgy instead of all Wonder Bread these days and I admit it was the first time he’s made me laugh … ever.  It wasn’t a laugh, even.  A smirk.  It’s the first time he’s ever made me smirk.