Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Chelsea Handler

Here’s A Video of Gwyneth Paltrow Rapping with Cameron Diaz

Oh my gosh. I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t even know what to say, this is that horrifying. I don’t mean that it’s not sort of amusing, because it is, a little, and if it wasn’t the monstrosity we know as Gwyneth Paltrow, it might even be funny. I just mean that it’s so … embarrassing. I watched it a few times as I tried to figure out my feelings, and I just feel so unbelievably embarrassed right now.

And maybe it’s just my intense feelings for Gwyneth, but does anyone else think that she did this video and then sent it to Beyonce with a letter that said “please pass this along to your husband so we can begin work on our record post-haste”? Because Gwyneth thinks she and Jay-Z are going to do the next Watch the Throne together. Because she’s that out of touch*.

But Cameron Diaz is pretty cute, right?

*I know she’s not that out of touch. I know she probably did this to have fun with her friends. I know it’s a joke. But guys. It’s Gwyneth Paltrow. Loosen up.

Rosie O’Donnell and Chelsea Handler Offend Little People

Don’t get me wrong: I think it’s great that Chelsea Handler employs dwarves on both her late-night talk show, Chelsea Lately, and her sitcom, Are You There, Chelsea? That’s super.

But this interview with Rosie O’Donnell is a little much.

Pop2it:

“I’m a little ashamed about it … [but] I have a mild fear or anxiety around little people,” says O’Donnell. She then asks Handler if Handler has ever slept with a little person.

Handler responds, “No, that would be child abuse. I’d never do that.”

Which is apparently part of O’Donnell’s problem. “I can’t put the two things together. This is an adult person, but it’s a little person, but they have adult… it’s so hard for me.”

“I love little people. Whatever you have, I have the opposite. I want to tackle them. I see them and I have to hold myself down. I bite Chuy sometimes. He comes into my office and he’s so cute. That’s my ultimate body, if you’re going to have a little person. I want that shape, the corpulence,” says Handler.

Um, wow. Like, there is nothing wrong with having a sense of humor, but uhhhh. These “humorous” comments overstep into “pretty repugnant.”

The article at Pop2it struggles to assess which viewpoint is “worse”: Rosie cops to being outright phobic, but is the way Handler fetishizes and exoticizes little people even creepier, maybe?

Not surprisingly, Little People of America has taken umbrage with both comediennes’ remarks:

LPA has a bigger problem with O’Donnell’s comments, because O’Donnell attributes her feelings to heredity. “My Nana was afraid of the ‘Wizard Of Oz’ munchkins,” O’Donnell told Handler.

[Spokesperson Leah Smith] says the comedian is perpetuating “fear-based attitudes.”

“Instead of perpetuating these fears, let’s learn how to accept differences,” Smith said.

…Smith said the group is angry, but doesn’t plan a boycott of either performer.

“We’d rather start a discussion and deal with the issue head on,” she said. “No other group is marginalized like this.”

Dude, you know who comes out of this whole thing looking awesome? Leah Smith does. Low-five, LPA.

Quotables: Chelsea Handler Talks About 50 Cent

A photo of Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent

“I wasn’t like ‘Oh, I’m going to marry 50 Cent…’ I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He’s very sweet and antithetical to what you’d think of him.”

- Chelsea Handler on who I like to think is her one true love, 50 Cent.

Did anyone else’s heart break a little bit after reading that? It’s like, damn, Chelsea, 50 Cent is a person too. He has feelings. Don’t be so harsh. I mean, seriously.

Do you remember when Chelsea and 50 started hooking up? It kind of blew everyone’s mind, but then it was sort of easy to see why these two would be good together. They’re both just so obnoxious, right? These two crazy, loud, offensive people found each other in this big wide world, and that was beautiful and inspiring. And obnoxious.

Even though 50 Cent didn’t really say the sweetest things about Chelsea (remember that time that he was all “yeah, she’s cool to talk to, but you probably wouldn’t look at her and want to bang her,” wasn’t that charming?), I think he really did love her. I think that he thought she was The One, the girl of his dreams, the apple of his eye. He thought he would settle down with her in a nice little cottage in the country, and they would get wasted together for the rest of their days.

But Chelsea wasn’t having it. She broke things off for whatever reason, and that was that. But somehow, over a year after the fact, she’s still saying hurtful things to poor 50. My opinion of Chelsea was never that high (to be fair, it was pretty much nonexistent), but now, Chelsea, you have gone too far.

But yeah, wasn’t this a crazy couple? I kind of wish they had gotten married, you know? It’d be a hell of a wedding.