Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Charlize Theron

Watch This: the Trailer for Jason Reitman’s ‘Young Adult’ Is Here!

Oh man, oh man, oh man. This trailer looks so good, right?

Charlize Theron stars in Young Adult as Mavis Gary, an insufferable “young adult” fiction writer who returns to her Minnesota hometown hoping to make her old high school boyfriend fall in love with her (thanks, IMDb). And! It co-stars my dream man, Patrick Wilson, who plays the guy Mavis can’t have. And! Patton Oswalt plays the unwilling wingman, an acquaintance from high school who obviously puts up with Mavis’s ish because she’s so darn cute and catty.

I have totally high hopes for this one you guys—like, even higher hopes than I had for One for the Money. For one thing, anyone who’s watched Arrested Development or “Between Two Ferns” knows Charlize has done her career a major disservice, because she has mad comedic timing. Patton Oswalt I’m actually so-so on—I know it isn’t fair to hold King of Queens against him, but I just do—but since he is a Career Nerd, I have to stand with him in solidarity. Then there’s Patrick Wilson, whose filmography is a veritable Rosetta’s Stone of What? Hngh. Love him.

But most importantly, this flick is a Jason Reitman joint. It’s great to see him again paired with breakout screenwriter Diablo Cody (they made Juno together), and this movie could be infinitely more affable. Who wants to see a 15-year old act like she’s 35, anyway? I’d much rather see a 35-year old act like she’s 15. Now you’re speakin’ my language, Cody.

Charlize Theron Is Totally Boning Ryan Reynolds

Ryan Reynolds and Charlize Theron in early June

Wait, what? No. NO. Maybe. I mean, I can understand, but I am also pretty worried about that headline I just wrote. Can’t everyone just take some time off, do some soul-searching, maybe a little pilates?

Like, I ‘get’ why Ryan Reynolds and Charlize Theron would go for each other. They’re both funny. They both like privacy. They’re both kind of big and golden and bronze and athletic. They’re serial monogamists, too—Theron recently split from her boyfriend of ten years, Stuart Townsend.

From today’s issue of US Weekly, this month-old “breaking” news:

While the two haven’t been photographed together, a witness noticed Reynolds’ motorcycle at Theron’s home all morning on June 5, then saw the actor exit her house around 3 p.m.—and she left just minutes later.

Has Reynolds (who split from wife Scarlett Johansson last December) found a perfect match?

Er? Listen, Anonymous Eyewitness, “I saw Ryan at Charlize’s house mid-morning” is kind of the least salacious gossip ever. Ryan likely motored over to Charlize’s to replace a lightbulb, have some salmon on toast, and do a quick bong rip. I’m really not kidding about the lightbulb thing, either. When I was super-duper single, my apartment was a steady stream of men, all of whom were lifting my TV, installing my air conditioners, and being handy. (As opposed to being “handsy,” if you know what I mean.)

Late last week, Ryan and Scarlett went to dinner together, Page Six reports, during which Scarlett “kept caressing his face” and Ryan “would rub her back periodically.” Gee, I guess the truth is out: everyone is in love with everyone.

If You’re Having a Low Self-Esteem Day, Don’t Even Bother With These Photos of Charlize Theron in French ‘Elle’

Charlize Theron is the worst. I mean, who can run around with a face and a body like that and then still kick-ass in a movie where she plays a completely horrible looking serial killer? (BTW, that clip is totally NSFW.) She’s either an alien or easily one of the most desirable human beings on the planet. For the sake of my mental health, I’m going to go with the former. Welcome to Earth, Charlize. You look gorgeous in the July 2010 issue of French Elle. Like, it’s almost unfair.

Brandon Flowers’ New Music Video, And Also Charlize Theron

All right, it came out last week, but if you’ve already seen it, just hush up and watch it again because it’s beautiful.

This song is the first glimpse of Brandon Flowers’ solo efforts (he’s also the lead singer of The Killers, just in case you don’t listen to music that is always catchy and sometimes good), and I think he’s doing pretty well all by himself.  I mean, hey, he got Charlize Theron to be in his music video, and I don’t think that’s anything to shake a stick at.

Also, I love this video.  Charlize Theron being a strong, dedicated heroine who saves poor, hapless Brandon Flowers from all of his unfortunate run-ins with ninjas – what’s not to love?  I also think the ending is lovely, but then again I’ve always been a sucker for tales of damsels in distress with happy endings, and Brandon Flowers makes for a really attractive damsel.  Who knew?

Are Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron Hooking Up?

If so, God … this could be the best thing that’s ever happened to Reeves‘ career! You go, boy!

The folks at TMZ caught quite a lip-lock gropefest that occurred between the two after dinner together last night in Beverly Hills. I just can’t imagine this not being real, especially if someone like the A-listed Theron was willing to appear groping and nuzzling the likes of Keanu Reeves in public while rocking back and forth like tenth-grade sweethearts. In Beverly Hills, of all places.

If y’all want to lead such private lives, you better keep it in your pants in public, man. Those TMZ bastards are fucking everywhere.

Vid courtesy of TMZ

The Oscars – The Dresses (Part I)

During the red carpet foolishness known as ABC’s pre-Oscars warm-up show, one of the actresses — I think it was Meryl Streep- said that she loves coming to the Oscars because she gets to see all her friends dressed up. I have to agree. I giggle a little bit every time I see Jeff Bridges in a tuxedo because it’s like seeing my stoner hippie father at a wedding.

It was a classy affair at the Oscars tonight. Charlize Theron,  Kate Winslet, and Cameron Diaz were particularly stunning (as usual) and Sandra Bullock, who has a habit of being hit or miss, was gorgeous. There weren’t many terrible dresses, just some that were underwhelming– such as Rachel McAdams’ Ellie Saab gown that kind of  looks like a bedspread from a budget motel – pastel, with a pattern designed to camouflage old cum stains.

Also in this gallery: Kristen Stewart, Sigourney Weaver, Meryl Streep, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Gabourey Sidibe, and Carey Mulligan.

Just Because It’s Charlize Theron

I’m convinced that the folks over at Funny or Die must get the corporate rate on medical marijuana.  What other possible tactic might they employ to get some of the biggest stars to participate in their oftentimes not hysterical skits?  Zach Galifianakis — no, that’s not Joaquin Phoenix — appears in another episode of the fictional show Between Two Ferns with Charlize Theron as his guest.