4Charlie Sheen Gave Lindsay Lohan $100,000

You know what they say: give a crackhead a fish and you’ll feed her for a day, but teach a crackhead to fish and she’ll probably fall off the boat and then you’ll have to deal with a bunch of lawsuits. Ha ha, but seriously. Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan aren’t two peas in a pod, but two jackasses in a crack den, so when they came together to work on Scary Movie 5, it makes sense that they would have gotten close.

Ok, now let’s review an old story: Lindsay Lohan never pays her taxes. When she does manage to get a job, she spends all the money on meth or purses or whatever. And even now, right in the middle of her big comeback, she can’t manage to pay her taxes. So she owes the IRS a good amount of money: around $234,000.

Meanwhile, Charlie Sheen is a crackhead with a heart of gold and an unfathomable amount of money. So, as you might have gathered from the headline, he just gave Lindsay $100,000. Apparently she told him all about her financial problems while they were on set, and he just wrote up a check and sent it to her management team. Charming, right?

So here’s what I want to know: is Lindsay going to be Charlie’s next goddess? Do you just give women you meet on movie sets that much money? When is the sex tape going to be released, do you think? Important questions!

November 25, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Emily

3Charlie Sheen Has An Ear Infection, Not A Cocaine Problem

I know, it seems strange, but it totally makes sense. I had a kidney infection last winter, and my mom called me and said “hey, I heard you were on heroin.” And if you think about it, I’m sure the last time you got the flu you heard some whispers about your problem with meth. This happens all the time, and it’s no different with famous people. How often do we suspect some celebrity has a major booze problem when really they’re just suffering from exhaustion?

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m taking back that nasty rumor I told you yesterday, the one about how Charlie Sheen is smoking crack and playing with hookers again. It’s definitely, definitely not true. And you might have heard an additional rumor that Charlie is in the hospital to deal with his issues with drugs. That’s also not true. Because he just has an ear infection.

I know, the warning signs that someone is smoking crack and the symptoms of an ear infection are very similar. And I know that the physical action of smoking crack can look a whole lot like dealing with the agony of a real bad ear infection. But I’m here to clear it up for you: no crack, no cocaine. Just ear infections.

November 2, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily

1Charlie Sheen Is Back on Crack

From Radar:

Hard-partying Charlie Sheen is back to his old ways, snorting cocaine and smoking crack on a daily basis, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

An inside look at Charlie’s daily life from a close source who spent nearly every day with the Anger Management star reveals a lifestyle riddled with drugs, alcohol and high-end escorts.

“For at least the last eight months or so Charlie has been having a quarter to half an ounce of cocaine delivered to him every single day and was spending nearly $2,000 a day on drugs. Sometimes he’d even get two to three quarters of cocaine in one day,” the insider exclusively told RadarOnline.com. ”He snorts it, he smokes it, and then he watches porn. And when he’s not watching porn, he’s hired high-end girls to come over.”

According to the source, Charlie fancies one girl in particular and sometimes pays her a whopping $25,000 per night to be with him — and that’s not all.

“This one girl that Charlie really likes had insecurities about her vagina so she begged Charlie to get her a vaginal rejuvenation surgery to make it prettier,” the source said. ”And he did. He got her the surgery, and he also bought her a new car.”

Charlie keeps a close group of people around him when he’s partying, and the source says he favors cooking the cocaine to make crack so he can smoke it.

“When Charlie gets his coke he immediately cooks it with baking soda in his bathroom to make crack,” the source said. ”Then he smokes it out of a makeshift pipe that he made out of a Fiji water bottle! He’d get so high he was just absolutely out of his mind, mumbling incoherently and tweaking. Then he would just space out, not talk to anyone, and watch porn.”

The source says Charlie also throws around money like it grows on trees, just because he can.

“Sometimes he’d give his friends that party with him a grand or two just because he thought they were cool,” the insider revealed. ”And he always offered to share his drugs. He just wanted everyone to join in the party. There were always a bunch of young girls and random guys around.”

And so it begins. I don’t know if anything can ever compare to the infamous Charlie Sheen bender from 2010 to 2011, but we definitely haven’t heard the last word from Charlie and his crack pipe. I mean, he’s giving out vaginal rejuvenation surgeries. It’s going to get real.

November 1, 2012 at 9:30 am by Emily

3Charlie Sheen Tweets During Sex

My apologies, friends. I know that we’ve already talked about Justin Bieber‘s sex life today, and that really should have been it. You shouldn’t have to hear about the specifics of any other douchey celebrities’ penis habits, and I know that. I just wish I could respect it.

But Charlie Sheen tweets during sex. How am I supposed to keep that to myself?

This wonderful news was brought to us by one of Charlie’s former goddesses, Bree Olson, a woman who is working on branching out of the porn industry by beginning a career in music. Her very first song, “Hollywood Douchebag,” has this lovely lyric:

“He’s posting twitter tweets during sex with me.”

But Bree, what is that supposed to mean?

“Charlie discovered Twitter when we started dating, so we had some funny experiences. I thought of him when I wrote that lyric. Yes, he would tweet in bed. He was really excited about twitter. I wasn’t offended by it at all. I thought it was more funny than anything.”

Please let’s just take a moment to picture this, ok? Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen having sex. Charlie Sheen, mid-thrust, reaching for his phone and typing some nonsense about tiger blood or “winning” or whatever other nonsense Charlie tweeted about it while he was on that infamous bender last year. Are you sufficiently grossed out yet?

All right then, see you guys in the morning!

July 17, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Emily

2Charlie Sheen is on the Cover of Rolling Stone, is Definitely Not Sober

Wait a second here. Holy what the f-ck in Photoshopping? Did anyone else completely notice the fact that Charlie Sheen’s head has either been blown up to epic proportions, or that maybe his head was ‘shopped onto the body of a fourteen-year-old boy instead? Because wow!

Anyway, Charlie Sheen sat down and talked to rolling Stone about his new show, ‘Anger Management’, and also dropped a few gems about how he’d still totally bone Denise Richards (thanks for that mental picture there, ugh), and how he still doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with having a “few drinks.”

Charlie Sheen on everything post-’Two and a Half Men’:

“Clearly, a guy gets fired, his relationships are in the toilet, he’s off on some fucking tour, there’s nothing ‘winning’ about any of that. I mean, how does a guy who’s obviously quicksanded, how does he consider any of it a victory? I was in total denial.”

Um. If Charlie Sheen of twelve months heard Charlie Sheen of today saying this shit, can you imagine what kind of God-knows-what would be hitting the fan right about now? Please.

Charlie on not exactly being sober:

“I mean, the shit works. Sorry, but it works. Anyway, I don’t see what’s wrong with a few drinks. What’s your drink? Tequila? Mine’s vodka. Straight, because I’ve always said that ice is for injuries, ha ha.”

And did you guys know that Charlie’s got a thing about feet? Because he does. But unfortunately for him, I’ve got a thing about teeth:

“I’ve not dated girls because of their feet, just the length of certain toes and the shape of where things should be and they’re not. Hammertoes are bad. And the second toe being too long? That’s bad, too.”

On wanting more ex-sex from Denise Richards:

“She still looks f-cking great. Do I want to [have sex with her]? Yeah! Does she? Don’t know.”

Sure, guys. This isn’t a guy that’s still completely off his rocker or anything. I mean, do you not remember this?