Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller Are Disasters; Their Kids Are Safest With Denise Richards

charlie sheen scary movie premiere

Charlie Sheen‘s kids were taken from his ex wife Brooke Mueller last night. Sheen and Mueller have twin boys that are in Mueller’s custody but were taken after deeming her home “unsafe” and given to Sheen’s other ex wife, Denise Richards, because Charlie Sheen is f-cking crazy and shouldn’t be around children. Richards and Sheen have 2 daughters who are also in her custody.

From TMZ:

Sources close to the situation tell TMZ … officials from the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services arrived to Brooke’s home Thursday with a warrant — and took 4-year-old Bob and Max out of the house.

… Sources tell us … officials determined Brooke’s home was unsafe because they suspected she was using drugs again — something she’s been struggling with for years — and they believed the children were in danger.

We’re told a court hearing has been set for next week — in the hopes of finding a more permanent solution regarding where the children should live.

It’s unclear why Charlie was not given temporary custody of the kids — but let’s get serious, even Sheen knows they’re in better hands with Denise.

Yup, agreed on that one, TMZ. I think we are all aware of the madness that is Charlie Sheen’s life. Lindsay Lohan bullshit aside, his real problems are his questionable parenting skills and tempter, like when he pulled a knife on Mueller. As for Mueller, she’s been in and out of rehab quite a bit. She was also arrested and charged with possession and intent to distribute. So basically both parents are unstable at this time.

Ms. Richards has full-time custody of her kids with Sheen, so at some point it was decided that she is the best person to take care of Mueller and Sheens’ boys. Considering that she Mueller seem to get along and that she loves Mueller and Sheens’ kids, this all worked out really, really well. Those kids could easily be in the custody of CPS.

BUT Denise Richards has had her own share of problems lately, and has caused some alarm for looking very, very thin.

denise richards very skinny

Denise AKA Dr. Christmas Jones from the worst Bond movie ever, responded to the criticism saying,

I don’t know why lately I’ve been getting so much flak for it [being skinny]. I have a very healthy lifestyle, and I’m busy. — (via NY Daily News).

In all fairness, if Charlie Sheen was my ex husband, I think I would also look gaunt and exhausted.

Lindsay Lohan And Charlie Sheen Sex Tape!!

lindsay lohan charlie sheen sex tape scary movie 5

Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen‘s video of the two of them in bed together was leaked online today. Okay, fine, it’s a clip from Scary Movie 5. In it, Mr. Sheen pokes fun at his love of filming women while he f-cks them and Ms. Lohan mocks her pride in “keeping a low profile.” And God, the poor girl’s face is botoxed to the highest of heavens.

Is it funny? No, not really. Is it unfunny? No, not really. As far as Lohan film cameos go, it’s not nearly as bad as the movie she did for the Shamwow guy. But NOTHING will be that bad.

So how long before you think we’ll see a Lohan/Sheen sex tape for real? They’re such good ~~friends~~ after all.

OH AND SPEAKING OF SEX TAPES, where the hell was the Joe Jonas sex tape we were promised??

Lohan Not Totally Insane; Rejects Sheen’s Mentor Offer

lindsay lohan blonde yikes

Lindsay Lohan did something smart for a change, so naturally it made news. As we reported, yesterday Charlie “Only In America Would I Still Have A Career” Sheen offered to be Lindsay “This Tran Wreck Don’t Stop For No One” Lohan’s mentor:

From TMZ:

“I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not. She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who’s been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey.”

He adds, “If she listens, she’ll win. If she doesn’t, that’s on her.”

In an amazing moment of clarity and brilliance, Ms. Lohan declined his offer. From TMZ again:

Sources close to LiLo tell TMZ … while she appreciates everything Sheen has done for her — and he’s done a lot — she would NEVER take him as a mentor. She’s saying she knows her life is “out of control,” but doesn’t think the precept, “It takes one to know one,” is the way to go.

She says she’s grateful Charlie gave her $100k for her back taxes and supported her in “Scary Movie 5.” Lindsay says she talks to Charlie from time to time … but gripes he has no business talking about her to the media.

This is HILARIOUS. Emilio, it’s your turn!

emilio estevez breakfast club gif

Charlie Sheen Wants to Be Lindsay Lohan’s Mentor

Christ almighty, what is it with Charlie Sheen‘s obsession with Lindsay Lohan? He’s been throwing cash her way for months now to help with unpaid taxes, shredded dresses and the like… and now he wants to mentor her. I just can’t.

From TMZ:

Charlie tells TMZ, “I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not. She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who’s been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey.”

He adds, “If she listens, she’ll win. If she doesn’t, that’s on her.”

Let’s get this straight. This crack-addicted womanizer who thinks “WINNING!” is a good catchphrase is going to teach another crackhead how to… what, smoke more crack? Talk completely bonkers nonsense in interviews so that people wonder if she’s gone off the deep end for good? I think she’s got that one covered, bro.

The blind should never lead the blind, people. What’s so difficult to understand? Also, she’s half his age and clearly not in her right mind – what’s his interest in her? If he truly believes he’s in a position to save anyone else, then he really has lost the plot and should be institutionalized… maybe in a cell right next to hers?

Lindsay Lohan Will Need This ‘Anger Management’ Gig to Pay Her Taxes

lindsay lohan charlie sheen pics

Okay, this whole Lindsay Lohan/Charlie Sheen thing is getting a bit out of hand, don’t you think? First he gives her $100,000 to pay off some back taxes, then he buys her a gala dress (which she cut to shreds, of course) and now she’s going to play herself in an upcoming episode of Sheen’s FX series, Anger Management. She’ll apparently be romancing his character in the show after becoming his therapy patient. Sounds nauseating.

In any case, the role is coming just in time, because no sooner did Lindsay pay off that $100k than she was hit with a whole new bill for unpaid taxes, this time to the tune of $56,717.90 for the year of 2011 (via TMZ). There’s also some talk about $140,203.30 being owed for 2010, but who even knows anymore. She’s broke, she’s desperate and she’s hanging out with Charlie Sheen. I think we’re done here.

Charlie Sheen + Lindsay Lohan = BFFs

lindsay lohan charlie sheen amfar

Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen may as well poke string through two empty soup cans like Molly of the American Girls series, because they are apparently best friends forever. Or someting else. Either way, Mr. Sheen (not Martin obviously), is helping Lohan pay her debts AND paid for the gown she wore to the amFAR (The Foundation for AIDS Resarch) event. Really? It cost that much? Lohan’s dress looked like the ones you could get at a vintage store on Ventura boulevard in Sherman Oaks. WHICH IS FINE. Just baffling that she asked someone to go halfies on it, let alone Charlie Sheen. Has homegirl not heard of Rent the Runway?

Sheen apparently offered to help Lohan with her insane debts, to the sum of 200k+ and Lohan reportedly refused. And is allegedly doing other things to cover that debt. Out of all of the men you’re going to refuse, is Charlie Sheen really going to be one of them? I’m not sure whether to be proud or disappointed. Charlie Sheen is the jerk of all jerks, but for whatever reason he wants to help you, and you’re turning that down in favor of letting your mom “help” you and whatever men you’re “dating”?

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO FOR YOU OR CARE ABOUT FOR YOU? I’m out. I’ve checked out. When you hit rock bottom and you refuse help from CHARLIE EFFING SHEEN who has hit the rockiest of bottoms and yet for whatever reason has gotten another chance, it’s time to soldier up and GET A JOB.

Charlie Sheen Did Something Nice Again

A photo of Charlie Sheen

I don’t know what’s gotten into Charlie Sheen lately – maybe the kind of syphilis that eats your brain? – but he’s been doing some awfully nice stuff lately. Last month, he gave a lot of money to the family of a little girl who’s currently fighting cancer, and this month, he gave a lot of money to another family. You want to know who?

That photographer that died trying to take a picture of Justin Bieber, right? His family is having a tough time raising enough funds for his funeral, because, you know, funerals are stupid expensive. One of the photographer’s friends is also friends with Charlie Sheen, and so Charlie heard that the family was struggling with this. So he wrote them a check for $12,000, and then when someone asked him about it, he gave this statement:

“A tragic incident like this erases the line between the photographer and the subject. It’s an unforgiving moment that begs us all to be human and work as one to prevent this in the future. As parents, we are all not supposed to bury our children. My deepest condolences to the families involved.”

Isn’t that nice? I think that is so nice. Charlie’s a f-cked up dude, but it’s good to know that even f-cked up dudes can take care of business every once in a while.