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Charlie Sheen

2Charie Sheen’s Daughter Walked Down the Aisle to a Song From the Twilight Soundtrack

Cassandra Estevez Gets Hitched

We’re always fixated on the children of celebrities who don’t turn out normal, but in doing so we forget the other side: The children of celebrities that are so normal it’s fucking hilarious. Charlie Sheen’s oldest daughter, Cassandra Estevez, for example.

This weekend Charlie’s 25-year old daughter got married to her high school sweetheart and if that’s not normal and American enough, get this:

The bride, 25, who met Huffman in junior high, walked down the aisle with her dad to the tune of “Flightless Bird” from the Twilight soundtrack, carrying a bouquet of roses and calla lilies.

The couple said their non-denominational vows under a four-post altar made of birch branches and decorated with white organza, florals and crystals.

Something about how normal and awkward and socially stunted this seems totally appeals to every part of me. Here I was thinking that Hollywood just birthed kids with exotic names and drug problems. I mean, the Twilight soundtrack? That’s not just nerdy, but that’s like, nerdy and out-of-style. Love that. Just love it so much.

October 3, 2010 at 11:43 am by Molls
Filed Under: Charlie Sheen

1Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen Fight Over Adult Contemporary Chart Toppers


Although we’re all well aware of how heated things got between Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller this winter (you may remember something about him holding her at knife point on Christmas?), we’re just finding out that Brooke reported several other instances of violence to the police that day.

Officer Rick Magnuson was one of the three police officers to arrive on the scene and his report is just now being circulated. In it, he writes about the violent behavior that Brooke said she’d been a victim of.

“I asked [Sheen] if he ever harmed Mueller in the past. [Sheen] stated that approximately two months ago, in California, Mueller accused him of sleeping with prostitutes. [Sheen] stated that he denied this allegation, which escalated into a ‘huge fight.’ He added that when Mueller attempted to leave the argument, he grabbed her by the wrist, causing her to fall to the ground. [Sheen] added that Mueller hit the back of her head on a piece of furniture as she fell to the ground. [Sheen] stated that Mueller was injured when her head contacted the furniture. [Sheen] added that neither he nor Mueller reported this incident to law enforcement. [Sheen] added that Mueller received medical treatment for her head injury. [Sheen] added that the Mueller’s injury was not intentional, adding that she accidentally hit her head as he was trying to restrain her.

She was very adamant that [Sheen] intentionally hurt her by throwing her to the ground, like a ‘rag doll.’”

The fight resulted in Brooke needing a CAT scan.

While Sheen’s actions are unforgivable, you have to wonder what the hell happened in order for things to escalate the way they did. We knew before that the fight supposedly started over a song and a gift from Santa, but it’s so much worse than it sounds. According to the same police report, the couple got into a screaming match over the Train song “Drops of Jupiter”. Yes, for real.

According to the police reports, Sheen told officers that he and his daughter “share an affinity for both astronomy” and the Train tune.

“He bought two tracking telescopes; one for his daughter and one for him so they could both look at the same point in the universe at the same time, as a way of staying connected,” Magnuson wrote. “[Sheen] added that Mueller was jealous of this relationship with his daughter. He stated that Mueller said, ‘You have a song you share with your daughter, but not one with me.’ [Sheen] replied, ‘It’s my daughter, can I have this moment?’ [Sheen] was emotional while telling this story.”

Well, that’s just beyond sad.

There’s no end to this story, really. Charlie and Brooke are addicts and their presence in each other’s lives has been nothing but toxic. While the two have attempted to reconcile, I’m afraid that it’s only a matter of time until they go off the rails again. Here’s hoping one of them decides to get out before their twins are old enough to remember being around this kind of sick relationship.

August 9, 2010 at 11:00 am by Molls

7How Crackhead Brooke Mueller Spent Her Mother’s Day

Even though Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are supposedly trying to “make it work” again, Brooke spent Mother’s Day with their twins in Griffith Park alone. Well, she was with the nanny, but we all know that hired friends don’t count. Brooke was recently treated for a crack addiction (which fascinates me to no end, ’cause like… who the fuck does crack?), but these pictures show her to be in high spirits and looking pretty good.

I like Brooke Mueller. She’s resilient and probably a little psycho, by far two of the best qualities a woman can have.

May 12, 2010 at 2:30 pm by Molls

9The Highest Paid Child Celebrity is Probably Not Who You’d Think

I know for damned sure it wasn’t who I thought, because with Miley out of the picture, I didn’t think there were anymore “real” child actors or actresses out there. But alas, the kid from Two and a Half Men, Angus T. Jones, is paid $250k per episode.

You heard me, right? A fucking quarter-million dollars for each episode that he withstands having to put up with Charlie Sheen? Sick. Jones began his stint on Two and a Half Men when he was only ten and has been at it for the past seven years, give or take. Jones claims that he does plan on going to college, but hasn’t done any interviews since last year. All of that might change if, indeed, he is making $250k per episode. Again … sick.

I guess we know how Charlie’s gonna make his huge support payments … it’s no wonder he stuck with the show. If Jones is making this kind of money, Sheen’s got to be riding the gravy train somehow.

May 12, 2010 at 4:59 am by Sarah

14Sorry, Kids, Charlie Sheen’s Just Not That Into You

And it’s a good time to admit it, since “insiders” claim that Sheen allegedly relinquished his parental rights (and joint custody) of Sam and Lola, the two children who were birthed by ex-wife Denise Richards.

The two were said to sign an official agreement a couple of weeks ago, but didn’t want to go public with it until it hit the courts for finalization.

Denise will now have full and complete custody of the couple’s children and will begin receiving upwards of $125k a month. Better get back to filming more of your “hit show,” Two and a Half Men, Charlie. You can’t live off your Hot Shots! fame forever, you know.

Boy, Charlie. You must really hate being a dad if you’re willing to almost triple your support payments to a woman you detest in order to have the kids off your back.

PS:  You’re looking more and more like crazy thin-lipped Corey Feldman every damned day, Sheen.  Get a grip.

May 5, 2010 at 7:00 am by Sarah

10Brooke Mueller Moves Out On Account Of The Whores

OK, so Charlie Sheen went to rehab “as a preventative measure”, wound up cheating on his also-rehabbing wife Brooke Mueller whom he held at knife-point around Christmastime with an “escort”, and now his wife is moving out and Charlie’s moving back in… with the whore. Oh my God, have we ever, ever had a better story than that? Tiger Woods and Jesse James are depressing, but this is just delicious. Drugs and whores! I love it!

As of right now, Charlie and Brooke are shuttling back and forth to their joint home and rarely interacting, but neither of them ever staying the night there at the same time. Lord knows where the children are. Can you imagine how smug Denise Richards is right now? Smug as hell would be my bet…

April 24, 2010 at 1:31 pm by Molls