8Charlie Sheen Brought a Knife to a Lullaby Fight

We’ve all heard by now that Charlie Sheen lost it and got all knifey on his wife (Brooke Mueller) over the holiday weekend by now, but we’re still not totally clear on what it was that caused the fight. Today we’ve found out that the brawl was likely over Charlie’s daughter Sam, who we saw on her mother Denise Richard’s reality show, It’s Complicated, and a song that they shared. What? Yeah, I know… it doesn’t make a ton of sense to me, either.

From E! Online:

The song apparently has something to do with a Christmas present Sheen bought for Sam. Sheen has told people that Mueller became upset and wanted to know why she and Sheen didn’t have a similar song, the source says.

“Charlie says she is really jealous of his daughters, especially after he and Denise finally started getting along,” the source says.

The source also says that Mueller has become increasingly suspicious of Sheen because of his past substance abuse issues and fondness for call girls.

While relationships should never involve knives unless your both in to that sort of thing, I could see children and their emotional welfare being the sort of subject that could drive someone over the edge. If Brooke is a wedge between Charlie and his kids after all that he’s done to reconcile with their mother, then he’s not the only one being inappropriate. He’s just inappropriate in a much more violent way. Either way, you know there’s some crazy unhealthy stuff going down when there’s a knife fight and the only explanation any one has for it is that they were fighting over a children’s song. Good luck figuring that one out, guys.

December 29, 2009 at 8:32 am by Molls

15Charlie Sheen Pulled a Knife on His Wife, Because He’s Awesome Like That

I’ve been living in Scottsdale, Arizona for the past month, and word on the street is that one AWOL Tiger Woods has been hiding out in nearby Wickenburg being treated for sex addiction. I’m not entirely sure how one goes about treating sex addiction, and I have a feeling that Tiger doesn’t want his “sex addiction” “treated” so much as he wants his “endorsement money” “back,” so I’m guessing he has a lot of time on his hands. I hope he is spending that time writing thank-you notes, specifically to the estate of Brittany Murphy, to the dude who punched the Jersey Shore chick, and to Charlie Sheen, who apparently pulled a fucking knife on the mother of his children during the Christmas Eve domestic dispute that landed Charlie temporarily in the slammer.

Prosecutors are still deciding whether or not to press charges, but hopefully the court of public opinion will speak loud and clear here. How many more decades are we going to spend watching this dude play an emotionally unavailable but otherwise harmless and endearing family man on television and in movies while in real life he’s physically abusing his girlfriends and spouses? How is this acceptable? I’ve been dating for ten years, and in all that time I’ve barely had a man raise his voice to me, let alone lay a hand on me or threaten me with a weapon. This is not normal behavior. This is not behavior you have to accept in order to be in a relationship with a man. Why do women put up with this? Why does society let it slide? Stop casting Charlie Sheen, Hollywood, and stop watching him, America.

December 27, 2009 at 8:16 pm by Evil Beet

34Charlie Sheen Arrested on Domestic Violence Charges in Aspen

Second verse, same as the first. When you’re the kind of person who considers violence as an option when it comes to settling domestic conflict, you are always going to be that kind of person.

Charlie Sheen was arrested early Christmas morning on domestic violence charges. His wife, Brooke Mueller — who gave birth to the couple’s twins sons in March — was not named in any of the documents, but she is assumed to be the victim. She did not need to be hospitalized. Authorities originally said Charlie was going to stay in jail until his first court appearance, but he later met with a county judge who let him off on $8500 bail. BULLSHIT.

His rep issued the weakest it’s-Christmas-don’t-fucking-bother-me denial I’ve ever heard: “Do not be mislead by appearance. Appearance and reality can be as different as night and day. It would benefit everyone not to jump to any conclusion.” And the rep’s name is Stan Rosenfield. Come on, dude! You’re Jewish! Can you take ten minutes to issue something that sounds like you actually believe your client didn’t beat up his wife?

This is not, of course, Sheen’s first domestic violence run-in. In December 1996, he was arrested and charged with attacking his girlfriend at the time, and in 1991 he “accidentally” shot Kelly Preston in the arm. Even crazy-pants Denise Richards accused him of being violent with her. God, this must be the happiest holiday ever for her. This is exactly what Denise Richards wanted for Christmas.

December 26, 2009 at 12:16 am by Evil Beet

70Charlie Sheen Seeks Truth Regarding 9/11

Friday marks the anniversary of the most deadly act of terrorism committed on U.S. soil.  Like many other devastating tragedies in our history, I don’t think most of us will ever forget that day.  As we approach September 11th, Charlie Sheen is looking to expose the truth of what happened on that day eight years ago.

Sheen, 44, argues that “the official 9/11 story is a fraud” and claims the attacks served as “the pretext for the systematic dismantling of our Constitution and Bill of Rights.” Moreover, he charges that the Bush/Cheney “regime” was behind the attacks as a prelude to justify an invasion of Iraq. Sheen also insinuates that Usama bin Laden is working for the U.S. government.

Sheen, who has been an adamant “9/11 Truther” for years, demands in his imagined meeting with Obama that the president answer what he calls a “bottomless warren of unanswered questions surrounding that day and its aftermath.”

Sheen is the former husband of actress Denise Richards, who alleged that he was addicted to gambling, prescription drugs and prostitutes. While Sheen has openly discussed his previous struggles with drugs, he has denied Richards’ allegations against him. Still, Richards used his beliefs about 9/11 as proof for a judge that he was “delusional.” She later sought and received a restraining order against him.

Charlie Sheen wrote an article titled “Twenty Minutes With the President” which has been posted on PrisonPlanet.com.  It’s fiction based on a discussion Sheen would like to have with President Barack Obama.  It’s really quite long, but I encourage you to read it here.

I think we can all pretty much assume that our president isn’t going to be penning in some time to meet with an actor from Two and a Half Men, but I found the piece Charlie wrote to be pretty interesting.  Is it just par for the course that conspiracy theories will crop up whenever a catastrophic tragedy occurs?  Do you think that there is merit to Charlie Sheen’s claims or is his version of the facts just a result of too much time spent with coke, booze and Denise Richards?

September 9, 2009 at 5:05 pm by Wendie

13The Subjects Of Charlie Sheen’s Next Divorce Filing Born On Saturday

Happy Monday!

I am really into the show, Lie To Me.  It’s about these face readers that identify all sorts of facial movements, body language, etc. and define what each signal really means.  Now that I’m a complete and total expert in lie detection, my family hates me.  A typical night in my home:

Me:  “Do you like the chili I made?”

Husband:  “Yes, it’s really good.”

Me:  “Why are you lying to me?  I know you’re lying!  You just touched your ear!  That.  Is.  Deception!  Bill Clinton did it during his impeachment hearings and now you’re doing it too!  You’re probably cheating on me too!  How many times have I seen you touch your ear?  You never loved me…”

Applying my newly established skills, I would like to let you know that, based on the pictures I’ve been looking at lately, Charlie Sheen is one miserable bastard who cannot wait until he can leave his wife, Brooke Mueller.  The good news is that Brooke had her mandatory twins this weekend, named Bob and Max.  Therefore, the clock has started ticking toward the day that it will be acceptable for Charlie and Brooke to make their “amicable split” announcement.

March 16, 2009 at 5:26 am by Wendie

15Charlie Sheen’s Marital Skills Suck

To any human with an IQ over 88, this is as obvious a fact as the sun being yellow or Mischa being a talentless waste of air.  And no, I never will miss an opportunity to insult her.  Back to Charlie.  His latest marriage, the one that’s five months old?  Yeah…it’s in trouble.  An In Touch Magazine article tells the all too familiar tale of a pregnant Sheen bride heading for the hills. 

With twin baby boys on the way, Charlie Sheen and his new wife, Brooke Mueller, should be enjoying one of the happiest times in their lives. Instead, their five-month marriage is being tested.

“Charlie and Brooke are going through a rough patch,” an insider says. “They are arguing a lot.”

Brooke, 31, is so shook up over Charlie, she needed a little getaway to relax and de-stress. A close friend says she might have flown to Palm Beach, Fla. to stay with her mother Moira Fiore. “I’m not saying that she’s not here,” Moira tells In Touch. “I really can’t say anything.”

Another source says that Brooke has been hard to reach. “I have not talked to her at all. Her voice mail is full and she hasn’t been in touch with anyone.”

According to a source, Brooke is worried that Charlie, 43, who has battled many demons, might be slipping back to some of his bad-boy behaviors since they’ve announced having the babies.

“Charlie has intimacy issues sometimes,” an insider says. “After getting too close with anyone, he retreats.”

I understand that Brooke’s mother is probably unaccustomed to releasing statements so I’d like to reach out to her and give her a tip.  Any form of “I cannot confirm or deny” is a confirmation.  OK?  No means no and everything else means yes.

I’ll tell you exactly what happened.  Charlie and Brooke decided to get pregnant because really, what better way to celebrate a brand new union?  Can’t couples just get a family Costco membership first?  Why does it always have to go straight to procreation?  She got pregnant with the ever fashionable twin fetuses and Charlie freaked out (“intimacy issues”) and started fucking hookers (“retreats”).  None of this is fact and it is just completely my opinion.  But when Brooke’s tell-all memoir comes out, I’ll be giving my address to anyone who would like to send me gifts to thank me for being such a visionary.  Cashmere and lavender are favorites.

November 8, 2008 at 10:02 am by Wendie