Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen Is Leaving Rehab to Tape His Television Show

Charlie Sheen — who’s been in rehab for the past two weeks for alcoholism and cocaine use — will be leaving March 19 to resume taping Two and a Half Men. I know we’re supposed to be all up in arms about this, like, “HE NEEDS TO STAY IN REHAB LONGER!!” but, by March 19, he’ll have done nearly the standard 30 days, which is more than I can say for his wife. Brooke Mueller left two separate rehab facilities to be “treated” for her alcoholism at home. Because clinging to the belief that you’re different and better than everyone else is a surefire sign that you’re ready to recover from your addiction. Seriously. It’s on the wall at AA meetings. “Step 1: You don’t have to do this the same way as everybody else because God loves you extra.” Sheesh.

Plus, there’s a lot riding on Charlie Sheen showing up to tape this show. While he may be set for life financially, you better believe the camera men and the props guys and the set designers and the makeup people are still counting on this show for a paycheck. He’d be fucking a lot of people over by delaying production another month. So I get why he’s doing this.

Charlie also has a March 15 date at Pitkin County Court in Colorado in connection with the domestic violence incident that led to his arrest on Christmas. He’s facing one felony and two misdemeanor charges regarding the incident when he allegedly held a knife to Brooke’s throat and threatened to kill her. The Chief Deputy Attorney has said he will turn down any plea deal that does not involve a felony. Charlie may well be doing some jail time — so he better get as many of those episodes in the can before he’s in one himself.

Motherhood Drove Brooke Mueller Back to Crack

We’re all wondering what the hell went wrong in the Sheen/Mueller household and friends of Brooke may finally have answers. Postpartum depression! Classic!

A pal of Brooke’s spoke to Us Weekly:

A family friend says that Brooke’s relapse to drugs began shortly after the twins’ birth. Born severely underweight, young Max was hospitalized for weeks. “It was a really scary situation for a new mom — for any new mom — and at that point she went back to her comfort zone…she resorted to the way she handled stress in the past.”

Hey! OK! So if this story is remotely the truth, that’s pretty sad. Not just because Brooke was so torn up about her babies’ health, but because she didn’t have the tools to face the problem without relapsing. With a rich husband and plenty of family and friends around to keep her on the right track, there’s really no excuse for someone like Brooke to turn to drugs. Do I think she had postpartum depression, an actual condition that threatens lots of women, or do I think that she’s probably just a drug addict? Probably a little bit of both.

LOL! OMG! Charlie Sheen and His Wife Were Swingers!

The lives of Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller are getting freakier by the day. RadarOnline had the scoop today about Charlie and Brooke’s unconventional sex life.

“Brooke is bisexual,” another insider told “She and Charlie have had more than one woman share their bed in the short time they’ve been married.”

“Some of the women they slept with together also did drugs with them,” the insider told

It’s not particularly shocking that the couple had some crazy stuff going on. Charlie has recently checked in to a rehab facility and Brooke is undergoing similar treatment (for a freakin’ crack addiction!) at home after having checked herself out of two rehabs in two weeks. Oh, and there was that Chistmas knife fight, too.

And it’s about to get a whole lot worse for the couple:

The first source would not reveal if the woman who is about to go public saw Sheen and Mueller do drugs. And the source would not say when or how the woman will tell her story but learned that it will happen within the next two weeks.

Sheen, who is facing prison if convicted on a felony and two misdemeanor charges in Colorado, will be under even more heat if the Colorado district attorney is able to introduce illegal drug use into the actor’s trial.

You guys, Charlie Sheen is 45 years old. That’s too old for you and your wife to be acting like Blake Fielder-Civil and Amy Winehouse. Get your shit together, Charlie Sheen!

Charlie Sheen is in Rehab. Duh.

Charlie Sheen bit the bullet this week and checked himself in to a rehabilitation center as a “preventative measure”. The actor, whose wife is currently trying to beat a crack addiction, is said to be very stressed by the domestic violence charges looming over his head and was afraid he’d fall off the wagon harder than ever before. People in Charlie’s crew are saying that this is legit, though. Supposedly he’s not hitting the bottle again and he just wants to make sure that he doesn’t mess his family up any more than they already are.

A friend of Charlie’s spoke to People Magazine and said, “Charlie is stressed. He’s tired. The kids are on his mind. Brooke’s on his mind. A lot of things are on his mind. He didn’t want to get a place where he had the urge to get high. He’s not using and he doesn’t want to. He felt like he needed to get away from negative influences around him and clear his head, rest and take a short break.”

If that’s the truth, that sounds like it’s just about the most mature thing that he ever did.

It Turns Out That That Bitch Was On Crack, After All

Uh-oh. It was reported during Charlie Sheen’s wife, Brooke Mueller’s first rehab stay that homegirl was there to beat an addiction to crack, but not only did her family deny the claim, but it just sounded fake. Crack? Who the hell does crack that isn’t Whitney Houston or homeless? Well, I guess Brooke Mueller does because she’s back in rehab again and this time the people in Brooke’s life aren’t keeping so quiet.

From Radar:

“Brooke has been in denial about her problem for a long time,” one source close to her told

Brooke checked into rehab last week. She has both an alcohol and a crack addiction problem, and has been treated for both in the past, is reporting exclusively.

And then there’s this, also from Radar:

She left North Carolina for Charlie’s court appearance in Colorado and then returned to Los Angeles.

“She went on an all-nighter,” the source said. “She was just out of control.”

Brooke has been boozing heavily and smoking crack for months, according to the source. She was drunk at 8:30 am Christmas when she called 911 and told cops that Charlie held a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her.

Oh, and sadly, this isn’t even the closest she’s come to hitting a wall: reported previously that Brooke was treated for crack addiction around 2001 as an inpatient in a Los Angeles facility.

“She had a bad problem even back then,” one person who knows her said. “She would leave the facility, score drugs, get beat up and wind up in the hospital.”

And the source who is close to her now told “She’s smoking crack and she’s drinking heavily. Everyone around her wanted her to get help.”

Holy crap, you guys! It’s not as if I thought that the woman who married Charlie Sheen was going to be totally sane, but a crack addict?! Ugh. I wish nothing better for Charlie, but this is, of course, a complete tragedy due to the fact that Brooke is a mother. And I hate to say it, but do you think somewhere out there, this pleases Denise Richards to no end?

Charlie Sheen’s Car Crashes in a Ravine

In what represents an appropriate metaphor for his life in the last 6 months, Charlie Sheen’s vehicle went off a cliff early Friday morning.

The car’s On*Star system automatically notified emergency services when the crash occurred at around 3:45am somewhere off of Mulholland Drive. Sheen himself was then notified by phone because he wasn’t in the vehicle when it crashed. Or so the story goes…

The official story is that the car was stolen by persons unknown from Sheen’s driveway, and then crashed off a 400 foot embankment into some brush. Sheen states that he arrived at his home at 8:30 and was in bed by 10:30. He didn’t even know his car was missing until he received a call from On*Star.

I suppose a very skillful, stealthy car thief could have sneaked into (and then out of) his gated community, disabled the alarm, stolen his car without anyone noticing, and then had a fucking aneurism or something to make him run the car off a cliff.

The insane conspiracy theorist in me pictures a sauced Sheen having a doozy of a D.U.I. and calling a friend to quickly spirit him away from the scene before anyone was the wiser. But that theory doesn’t hold much water.

Three other cars were reportedly broken into in the same area that night and a Bentley was later found crashed off another embankment down the same road. There’s no indication that anyone was in either of the cars at the time, so this might just be the work of vandals who have something against either luxury vehicles or Two and a Half Men.

Brooke Mueller’s Not On Drugs, OK?

Brooke Mueller took off to North Carolina last week to go to a “wellness facility”, which is usually Hollywood legalese for “drying out and doing rich people things in a safe, drug-free environment”. Rumors started flying that Brooke was on crack (crack!?), and that the day Charlie got all knifey on her, she was high. Brooke’s attorney thinks you’re a moron if you believe that story, though and said the following to E! News about his client:

“She’s in North Carolina with her mother for some rest and relaxation, and she is still being treated for her infection and pneumonia,” he says. “The story about her being in rehab is a crock of crap.”

Brooke’s mom is with her at the rehab facility and also insists that her daughter is just there to relax and get her shit together. She also spoke to E! and said, “I’m with Brooke right now. It’s true that we are at a resort that specializes in many things for a ‘wellness’ facility…People come here for a variety of reasons. Brooke’s reason is mainly to get away and be pampered, and, at the same time, she can work on her physical and emotional health.”

So we’re settled on that. Brooke Mueller is just going to therapy and getting massages. But I’m interested to know where crack came in to play. What an interesting drug to accuse someone who’s not Whitney Houston of being on.