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Charlie Sheen

Highlights from the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen

Photo from Comedy Central's Roast of Charlie Sheen, starring Charlie Sheen

So I finally watched the Roast of Charlie Sheen yesterday—it aired Monday night, yes, but I was busy—and I have to admit this Roast was pretty good. Not Bob Saget good, but then again, what is?

There was a real likelihood of the evening falling flat. How do you parody a parody? How do you make light of wife-beating? And who invites Mike Tyson to do stand-up, even? But the jokes were scathing, and the Roast bit to the quick. I’ve rolled my eyes at Charlie Sheen‘s recent I-Don’t-Have-a-Job Humble Pie Remorse Tour, and I don’t like him, but he sure did take his lumps like a champ. (Some critics are saying the jokes weren’t mean enough, but seriously, how many more jokes about Sheen ruining his kids’ lives did we really need?)

Warming Glow has compiled a comprehensive guide to some of the best zings of the night. Here’s a sampling.

Comedian Anthony Jeselnik, to Charlie Sheen:

- “Every minute of your life looks like the first two minutes of SVU.”

- “The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” (Cut to actor Richard Kind, in the audience, having a heart attack.)

Jeffrey Ross:

- “If you’re ‘winning’, this must not be a child custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns. Don’t you want to live to see their first 12 steps?”

Jon Lovitz:

- “How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men!”

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Charlie Sheen Liked Two and a Half Men Too!

A photo of Charlie Sheen

I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but Charlie Sheen has really toned it down lately. For instance, did you see him on the Emmys?

He’s just lost that lovable, coke-fueled twinkle in his eye, hasn’t he? It seems like he’s really embarrassed for his recent behavior, and, you know, that’s understandable. I’m not saying that any of his actions were ever or will ever be ok, because Charlie did some really messed up things, but it’s getting pretty hard to look at him these days.

Another example? His glowing review of the season premiere of Two and a Half Men:

Sheen is telling close friends … watching his own funeral on TV was “eerie but fun.”

Charlie loved Ashton Kutcher, saying “I thought it was the best intro for a new a character on a TV show of all time.” He particularly enjoyed the fact that Ashton  “was revealed through the dusty exploded smoke of my remains.”

And if you think Charlie has been playing nice because it’s all part of his settlement agreement … we know that’s not the case.  Warner Bros. is not demanding favorable reviews from Charlie in return for his $125 million.

Oh, Charlie.  You can play nice all you want, but it’s not like we’re forgetting about tiger blood anytime soon.

Another Day, Another Charlie Sheen Roast Promo

So, alright. The trailer kind of sums up everything we know about Charlie Sheen – he’s a dependent, immature, narcissist who heavily relies on the achievements of others to further his career. Got it? Good. Now that we’re in agreement about Charlie Sheen and the direction his career is headed in, will you guys be watching the roast? Do you, like me, have a sneaking suspicion that Charlie’s going to show up to the roast coked out of his mind and ready to verbally fire back at every retort aimed at him? Because if it is, man. That’s some good television right there.