Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Charles Barkley

Celebrity Sightings in NYC!

30 Rock’s Cerie, played by actress Katrina Bowden, attended a CMJ  kick-off party hosted by The Street Syndicate (a small but dedicated media promotions company based in New Jersey) at Rebel NYC on Monday.  The party is held annually to mark the start of the week-long Music Marathon and Film Festival.  The party offered entertainment by Nada Surf and delicious beers by Lagunitas Brewing Company.  Katrina was spotted kissing a gentleman much shorter and much less attractive than she is while watching other attendees sing karaoke.  It was shocking how beautiful she is in real life.

On Sunday night, former NBA player Charles Barkley was spotted with friends in one of New York City’s finest cigar lounges, The Carnegie Club.  Although Sir Charles has a bad boy reputation, he was all class on Sunday buying a round for the entire bar.  He looked dapper in a button down striped shirt and was seen chatting it up with former boxer, Renaldo Snipes, and two unknown but beautiful blonds at the bar.  Charles Barkley, a current resident of Scottsdale, AZ, was in town to be a guest on The David Letterman Show.

Turns Out That Scottsdale Is As Ridiculous As L.A. When It Comes To Dealing With Celebrities

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I know Beet was being optimistic, but as expected, Charles Barkley is getting the same treatment reserved for celebrities.

Barkley is set to serve his time for his oral-driven DUI.  He was originally sentenced to ten days, which was cut to five.  Now the brutal week-long sentence has been slashed to three days and begins tomorrow.

Does anyone want to place a wager that there will be a massive prison overcrowding and he’ll have to serve a sentence of shorter duration than the average temper tantrum I witness around my house?

Charles Barkley’s DUI Lands Him Jail Time

Charles Barkley DUI Scottsdale Mug Shot 2008 Pictures Photos

Good for my home state of Arizona for showing that even celebrities have to do jail time for their DUIs.

Charles Barkley will do five days in Sheriff Joe’s Tent City — where the inmates have to wear pink underwear — after pleading guilty to two counts of DUI from his arrest back in January. He’ll also have to pay a $2000 fine and take an alcohol awareness class.

And knowing Sheriff Joe, you better believe Charles will do the full five days. No Nicole Richie/82 minutes shit there.

I adore Charles, and I think he handled his arrest very well, but it’s good to see actual jail time being doled out to celebs for their DUIs.

Charles Barkley Got His DUI on His Way to a Blow Job

Charles Barkley DUI Scottsdale Mug Shot 2008 Pictures Photos

Heh.

If you haven’t read the full police report related to Charles Barkley’s DUI arrest, I suggest you do, as it’s a doozy (it’s here).

But, basically, Barkley was exceptionally cooperative and congenial with the police officers, and also very hilarious. They’d pulled him over for running a stop sign, but he’d picked up a chick on the side of the street before the arrest. Barkley told the arresting officer that he was going to drive around the corner and get a blow job from that chick. He told the officer that she’d given him a blow job a week ago, and it was the best he’d ever had in his life.

Later in the evening, he told another police department employee that he’d “tattoo my name on your ass” if it would help get him out of the arrest. He then realized his misstatement, and corrected himself: “I’ll tattoo your name on my ass.”

Oh, and the officer says that “the majority of my roadside contact with Mr. Barkley was recorded on a digital audio recorder. A copy of the recording will be impounded into evidence.”

Um, can it also be impounded into my blog? I think yes.

In short, Barkley was drunk and stupid, but it seems like he was pretty generally a decent guy about the whole thing.

I should tell you my Charles Barkley story. A lot of the Phoenix Suns players, back in the day, sent their kids to the private school I attended, which had a very competitive admissions process that could usually be neatly evaded with a generous donation. Barkley wanted his little girl to go to our school, so he donated an aquarium to our science center and was planning to donate a bunch of exotic sea creatures, too. They put the aquarium in the main hall of the science center, but, for whatever reason, Barkley’s daughter didn’t end up enrolling in the school, and we never got the fish. So, for like a full year, we had what essentially amounted to a huge tub of water and seaweed sitting in the main hall of the science building courtesy of Charles Barkley. We’d walk by it on our way to class and be like, “How’s the Barkley Aquarium today?” It was a running joke forever.

I don’t know where Barkley’s daughter ended up going to high school, but I’m sure, wherever she is today, she’s thrilled to hear that her dad got a DUI en route to a blow job.

Introducing This Year’s Mischa Barton

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urkel

Charles Barkley was arrested early this morning under suspicion of DUI.  What the fuck?  Why do rich people insist on driving their drunk asses around?  Why is it that Barkley can piss away $10 million on fucking poker but can’t budget a hundred bucks for a cab?

So, blood was drawn and we wait for the results.  I know a man is innocent until proven guilty but I’m going to come out right now and say that he was in fact drunk while driving.  My conclusion is based on the following evidence:  1)  Wine coolers and donuts found in his car at the time of arrest.  2)  He was seen earlier in the evening partying with Jaleel White.  Urkel, people.  You just don’t do that sober.

Oh, what would the new year be without stupid, drunken, licensed celebs?