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Chad Ochocinco

Chad Ochocinco Is Already Divorced, Is Handling It Really Well

A photo of Chad Ochocinco and Evelyn Lozada

We haven’t been following this whole Chad Ochocinco thing all that closely, but I do think it’s really hilarious/sad/interesting. To recap, Chad is a football player, he got married to a reality star, and then a month later he headbutted her in the head. She filed for divorce, and he responded by getting a huge tattoo of her face on his leg. But it looks like Chad has finally faced reality, and the two are already officially divorced.

But how is he handling it? I’ll just show you this quote he recently gave, and you can judge for yourself:

“I made a mistake, I’m human. My time had come. … I take full responsibility for everything, always. Where do I go from here, now that I think about it? I gotta work on Chad. Chad has to work on Chad. Chad has to go deep down inside and figure out where he went wrong. At what point did you lose focus on what’s most important, especially the game of football?”

I’m no expert, but I’m going to go ahead and wager that when you refer to yourself in the first person, the third person, AND the second person, all in the same thought, it’s time to really evaluate what you’re doing in your life. I’m just going to send that idea out there into the world.

Chad Ochocinco Got This Great New Tattoo

A photo of Chad Ochocinco and Evelyn Lozada

I’m just going to go ahead and tell you right now that I haven’t been following this Chad Ochocinco fellow all that closely. I’ve probably heard of him before, but the first time I ever really paid attention was when Sarah told us all about how he headbutted his wife right in the head and how she subsequently filed for divorce. I’ve read a couple of things since then, like how he got fired and how his mistresses have started coming forward, but for the most part, I’ve been ignoring this whole thing. Because football.

But when someone goes and gets a tattoo this ridiculous, it can’t be ignored. It just can’t. Here, check it out:

A photo of Chad Ochocinco

Oh, you can’t see it that clearly? Let me give you a closer shot:

A photo of Chad Ochocinco's tattoo

That would be a huge ass tattoo of his wife’s face covering up his whole entire calf. With her name under it, natch. Just in case you couldn’t make out the stupid decision on your own.

But here’s thing thing: according to Chad, it isn’t a stupid decision, not at all. I know that because I’ve been looking through some of his recent tweets, and someone asked the question that we’re all thinking, which is “why did you do this, dummy, she filed for divorce.” His response?

Divorce? Child please… that’s my WIFE

As a further demonstration of his inability to comprehend what “divorce” means, here’s what he said when someone told him that no, really, she filed for divorce:

I dont give a flying pretzel in skittle rainbow hell what she filed for…

Yep, this guy sounds totally stable and like he’s handling all this just so well.

So Remember How Chad Ochocinco Headbutted His Wife?

photo of chad ochocinco and evelyn lozada pictures
Well now, she wants a divorce. Whee!

It’s been confirmed that Evelyn Lozada, Chad Ochocinco‘s estranged (and now soon-to-be-ex) wife has filed for divorce, citing … well, I guess “headbutting” would be the official reason, but I’m sure it’s probably something way more demure like “irreconcilable differences” or something.

A day late and a dollar short, company PornHub sent me a message earlier this morning claiming that they sent an official letter to Chad and Evelyn in an effort to entice them into filming a “makeup” sex tape for $100k. And no, I kid you not. Here’s the actual letter send to Chad and Evelyn, courtesy of PornHub:

August 14, 2012
Dear Mr. Johnson,

I hope this letter finds you well. First off, we would like to applaud you on the name change – although it’s not the one we initially had in mind as you might well remember.

Allow me to get down to the real reason I am reaching out to you on behalf of our company, Pornhub.com (the premier destination for online adult entertainment). Your recent misfortunes have caught our eye, and while we regret to learn about the hard luck that’s come your way, we would once again like to lend you a helping hand in your time of need.

In short, we are extending an offer to you and your beautiful wife Evelyn to create a “makeup” sex video exclusively for use on our site. As proof of your participation in the video, we would simply need you to film an introductory scene in which you and your wife state your names and intents for the camera. Once again, we believe that this partnership would truly be beneficial for both parties.

In return for your willingness to cooperate, we will gladly compensate you to the tune of $100,000.
Again, we truly appreciate your consideration of our offer and look forward to the possibility of working together soon.

All the best,
Corey Price

$100k for a sex video. Please, LOL.

Evelyn filed for divorce in Florida, where the couple resided, and where Ochocinco used to play football. As you’re probably aware by now, even the Miami Dolphins have dumped his stupid, sorry ass. The couple was married for an entire six weeks. Does this fit the bill for an annulment? Huh? Cue Kim Kardashian in 3 … 2 … 1 …