Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Carol Burnett

Carol Burnett Will Work for Food

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First the news, then the skewering:

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Carol Burnett has filed a $2 million copyright infringement lawsuit against 20th Century Fox, claiming her cleaning woman character was portrayed on the animated series Family Guy.

$2 million bucks?? Is the inference that a couple hundred thousand people were headed out to the store to buy Carol Burnett’s greatest hits (does that even exist?) but after a 17 second clip they’ve now had their fill?

Carol Burnett, you are an idiot. If you have any money left, which most likely you don’t or you wouldn’t being wasting time and energy fighting what is an unwinnable case, you should spend it on removing your head from your ass. You were a comedian. You made funny jokes, or at least my grandparents told me you did before they died. Family Guy is in the business of making jokes. Surely you see the reason you are doomed in this case don’t you?

Also, no one knows what the “cleaning woman character” is. You can’t infringe what doesn’t exist. I can’t infringe on the Sasquatch.

Satire is protected by the right to free speech, plain and simple. This is why everyone and their Rabbi is allowed to call Tom Cruise a boy-loving whackjob. It’s the burden of being a public figure.

I think you should PAY Family Guy because the chance of anyone even remembering you were a human on this planet without them was very small indeed.

I hate you.