Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Carnie Wilson

Shut Up, Carnie Wilson

Carnie Wilson is in the news again because she’s unhappy with her weight. Although Carnie had gastric bypass surgery ten years ago, her weight is back up to 212 pounds. She’s convinced that she’s gotten so far off of her diet that she’s now in need of professional intervention once again. Carnie gained a total of 131 pounds during her two pregnancies over the last four years, and she contributes a lot of her struggle to not being able to shed that weight.

I swear to God I’ve been listening to Carnie Wilson complain about her weight my entire life. I know that the number on the scale matters to a lot of people, so I hate to be so blaze about this, but: Carnie will probably be fat forever. This is a woman with no shortage of resources, who has had lapband surgery and has failed and who has taken huge amounts of weight off only to gain it all back. I’m thinking that the weight isn’t going to change, so maybe Carnie will have to and just accept that she’s a fat broad. It’s not a terrible look for her and in terms of her health… well, if she was motivated to change that, she would have by now.

Fat Carnie Wilson, just do you!

Carnie Wilson: Unstapled

Carnie Wilson

I wanted to name this piece “Carnie Wilson:  Whored On For One More Day” but I didn’t know if you’d all get my Wilson Phillips lyric reference.  OMG, how completely condescending and infantilizing of me!  I didn’t know if you’d get it?  That was such an Oprah moment and I’m so, so sorry.

Anyway, Carnie is appearing in a new reality show for GSN that’s going by the unfortunate title of Carnie Wilson:  Unstapled.  It will be a documentary-style program that will follow Carnie on her journey to lose 50 pounds.  Might I suggest that she could get halfway to goal by lopping off that Duggar-do?

Okay, this is the ironic part:  Carnie said, “This is definitely the most exposed I’ve ever been.”  Isn’t this the same chick who flashed her duodenum for all the world to see whilst her gastric bypass surgery was streamed on the Internet?  And she thinks that being filmed declining a can of Pringles is the most exposed she’s ever been?  Bitch, please.

Carnie Wilson Loses A Quick Six Pounds

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I really wanted to title this post “Carnie Wilson’s Fetus Couldn’t Hold On For One More Day,” but then I realized that sounded really morbid and I didn’t want to scare you all into thinking something went wrong.

Singer and game show host Carnie Wilson gave birth to a 6 lbs, 5 oz. baby girl, Luciana Bella Bonfiglio on Friday.  The newest addition joins their four-year-old daughter Lola Sofia.

Carnie currently hosts GSN’s Newlywed Game.  I am ashamed to admit that I’ve watched it more than three times — it’s really bad — and that I make my husband play along with me.  Carnie is creepy, bordering on lecherous as she inquires for further details about the contestant’s whoopie sessions.

Ick!  Anyway, congrats to Carnie and her “musician” husband.

Carnie Wilson: Singer, Mother, Game Show Host

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Carnie Wilson is set to host the newest incarnation of The Newlywed Game.  About the new GSN gig, Carnie said, “My personality and energy is perfect for something like this. First of all, I’m married, and I loved watching The Newlywed Game when I was younger. I watched it all the time. I always hoped the couples would start fighting.”  Being married and finding joy in watching conflict ensue is the criteria that makes her “perfect” for hosting The Newlywed Game?  Hire me!  And seriously, sweet Jesus, I suggest that she funnel some of that “energy” into cardio.

I’d like to play a little Newlywed with Carnie.  Carnie, would you say your career is totally dead, embarrassingly dead or justplain…dead?