Let’s take a look at what celebs were wearing this week and dub a “winner” for BEST, WORST, and WTF.
On Saturday, Pamela Anderson hosted her 43rd birthday party at Tao in Las Vegas, where she was, as best I can tell, completely fucking blitzed and trying to initiate a makeout session with a cake shaped like a black man’s penis wearing a fifth-grader’s piano recital dress. (Seriously, what is that cake supposed to be?)
That same day, Carmen Electra, age 38, hosted a night at the Rio. I assume, based on her brief marriage to Dennis Rodman, it was Carmen who explained to the staff at Tao what it looks like when a black man’s penis is dressed in a fifth-grader’s piano recital dress.
Carmen had her beau Rob Patterson in tow (that’s Patterson, the former guitarist from Korn, although I would give my left arm for Carmen Electra to date Rob Pattinson. Which could, ya know, happen, because Pattinson’s announced plans to systematically fuck anything that walks.)
Hey, guys! How bad is this new single from Carmen Electra? Yep, Carmen Electra is a singer now — you didn’t know? This “song” is called “Who Do You Think You Are?” and it’s off her new album — yep, Carmen Electra has an album now — titled C-17.
I can best describe this song as the sound my brain makes right before I conclude that I need a Xanax. An overproduced cacophony of frenetic, spastic anxiety that would make a perfect soundtrack for the spontaneous choreographed dance numbers that have started cropping up on the new 90210. Take a listen.
Oh, God — where are those pills?