Cannes film festival is going on right now in France and everyone is GLAMMED THE HELL UP. I like it. Here are the looks that stood out to me, for better or worse. But if you want to get right down to it:

BEST: Isla Fisher
WORST: Julianne Moore
I JUST DON’T KNOW: Zhang Yuqi

Carey Mulligan, seen here with Baz Luhrhraznamann. (Luhrmann). She looks gorgeous but holy hell, where’s the rest of her?? Is she okay? Does she know she’s allowed to smile? Even LANA DEL REY is smiling. Jesus.

Zhang Yuqi in a stunning, show-stopping gown by Ulyana Sergeenko. However, it’s the kind of thing though that only works in certain photos. For example, if we look at it closer, it looks a little too Ozma of Oz meets Gone with the Wind costume-y.

You know? She still looks beautiful though. And I love that it’s different. So I’m torn. JUST SO TORN.

Here we have Julianne Moore in a piece from Christian Dior’s stunning Meh collection and oh my God, her poor feet! I don’t know if you can tell, but if you zoom in, with your eyes, you can see her toes splaying out the sides of her straps and it looks very painful and this is all I can focus on. Oh and her ring. I like the cocktail ring.

Cara Delevingne, looking like Debbie Harry straight out of her Blondie years. What a gorgeous girl. That’s a lot of makeup though.

I really want to like this. I don’t. I’m sorry. I almost do. (Cindy Crawford.)

Isla Fisher’s look is my FAVORITE! Gorgeous gown and looks gorgeous on her. By Oscar de la Renta.

Bai Laing. LOL how does she stil get invited to stuff?

Freida Pinto. Don’t like her hair. Don’t like the shoes or belt and combined with the halter style and bright color of the dress, she looks like she’s going to a wedding reception in Miami. Sorry.

I’m so over the Stones’ stupid children. This is Georgia May Jagger. She and Carey Mulligan should battle for who at Cannes is the most miserable. This is a good color on her but I don’t get the weird cut-out detail.

Paz Vega. Aaahhhh….I like the…idea? I hate the shoes, they really don’t help elevate the daring sheer beaded dress over hot pants look. So overall, I think this is a miss.

LOL A+ timing on the wind. Solange Knowles.

Nicole Kidman. Love the dress. Trying to figure out if I love the shoes. Do not love the hair. I think it’s too severe for a gown this playful. The hot pink shoes only add to the ~~whimsy~~ of the look, making her super slicked back up-do look all the more severe. Overall though, she looks fantastic as usual.

My girl Lana Del Rey. I will be the first to admit that she has the WORST POSTURE out of anyone I have ever seen and I’ve seen at least TEN people! Fit of the dress is great, not liking anything else about it. I would have liked it more had the pattern not changed below the hips. BUT SHE’S SMILING! LOOK!

BREAKING: I JUST SAW A SIDE VIEW OF NICOLE KIDMAN’S LOOK. THE HAIR IS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.

IT’S LIKE A RED CARPET VERSION OF A MULLET. NICOLE. GET IT TOGETHER. COME ON NOW.

Finally, Florence Welch (Florence + the Machine). Here it is from the back.

Uhhhh maybe? Ehhhhh. This is the only photo I could find of her from the front:

Ehhhh, yeah, not liking it. Little too 1950′s themed diner.

What do you think?

Celebrities walk around and get their photos taken, so let’s criticize their outfits. Here are some of my picks for best and worst celebrity looks of the week. Above is Emily VanCamp (Revenge) who’s got this face on like she’s she’s realizing she made some sort of huge mistake. Maybe she realized she’s on Revenge. What happened to that show? The second season…godawful. I like her outfit though. It reminds me of ~~Kiki Dunst back in 2006-2008~~. Not totally into the handbag.

Reese Witherspoon looking smug as hell in a black mini dress with leather jacket right before her arrest went public. I love this. Would have liked it more if the jacket was cropped.

Pamela Anderson at some tacky as hell pool party. Why would you wear a giant chunky belt to a pool party event?

Elizabeth Olsen. Ahhh not sure about this. I like the overall concept and the dress. Not sure the jacket is the right shape. I like how relaxed her hair and makeup is.

These are Keith Richards’ bitch daughters. Alexandra on the left looks awesome if she was in Salt-N-Pepa. Theodora on the right looks great. The bitchface really completes her look.

This is a model named Nicole Turnflo who has the most unfortunate hem and shoe combination I have ever seen.

Model Jessica Hart. Look great until I kept scrolling. The skirt is way too boxy for that jacket and I don’t hate the boots but they don’t make sense with this.

Carey Mulligan again in somewhat different look for her. She looks fabulous, although a little too “adult.” Like she’s the head of a PR firm or something.

Carey Mulligan again. Love the color and the cut. Would be better if it stopped right above her knee instead of right under it. Or even just 1 inch higher than it is here. The black shoes seem a little too intense for this dress. But she looks great.

Kate Moss, what is this. Here she is at a birthday party looking like everything that happened in Studio 54 in the ’80s before it shut down.

Kate Moss again, same birthday party, altered outfit. Not any better. This gets my WORST LOOK OF THE WEEK! She’s Kate Moss, she should know better. Sorrrrry.

Carley Rae Jepsen. I don’t really love the outfit but I love her hair and sunglasses. Good look for her.

Keira Knightley and her boring husband whose name I’ve forgotten win for BEST LOOK OF THE WEEK!

Carey Mulligan is a precious little English rose, and don’t you forget it! Everyone agrees she was the natural choice for the role of Daisy in The Great Gatsby, but not everyone is so thrilled with the book being brought to the big screen and she knows it. Still, Carey is down-to-earth enough to know that while she had fun with the character, she shouldn’t take it to heart if it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

From Vogue:

In An Education, audiences felt free to fall in love with Mulligan, whereas in Gatsby they must—a fact not lost on the actress, who visited the gym and went running every day during shooting. “I wanted to feel really, really, really, really good,” she says. Even so, there were times when she looked around the enormous production—five soundstages, several hundred extras all doing the Charleston, “and the script is talking about how she’s the king’s daughter, she’s this beautiful angel—and you’re like, Phew. You just wanna get through the scene.” She adds, “I’m fully prepared to be completely ripped apart. Well, I’m not prepared; that’s the thing. I don’t want to be torn apart. We’ve all just tried something; we had fun, and we tried to do something interesting and exciting, something that people could connect with.”

I don’t really have any feelings about The Great Gatsby – I thought the book was a total bore when I tried to read it a few years back, but I might feel differently about it now. The movie’s been having a bit of trouble coming out at all, so God knows when any of us will even have a chance to see it, but good for Carey for not really minding if it gets panned a bit (which it inevitably will). Looking forward to the pretty costumes, though!

Check out Carey’s lovely Vogue shoot below.

Wow. This is almost nothing like I envisioned it to be, but then again, we are talking Baz Luhrmann, who did ’96′s ‘Romeo+Juliet’, which was like an acid trip in a movie theater. Honestly, I’m kind of disappointed, because I think a lot could have been done with a ‘Great Gatsby‘ reboot, but now we won’t actually see my grand vision for at least another two decades when they decide to to a remake of the remake of the remake of the original once more.

I’m kidding. This movie and everything it entails looks absolutely amazing. Not amazing enough, you know, to go out and see it on Christmas Day or anything (who actually does that? Do you, or someone you know, go out and hit up the movie theater on Christmas Day or Christmas Night? Because I know that I’m usually cuddled up on the couch all day long eating and opening presents and drinking wine and watching fabulous movies that are hardly ever on network television and the last thing—the absolute last thing—I want to be doing is leaving the house for any particular reason whatsoever), but it looks pretty f-cking fabulous nevertheless.

Thoughts on that and, of course, thoughts on ‘The Great Gatsby’? Aside from how Leonardo DiCaprio was a brilliant choice for Jay Gatsby, and how Tobey Maguire still makes people want to slit their wrists because he sucks so hard?

Me? Oh, personally I love it because her hair looks as shitty as mine does right now, but I know how worked up the rest of you get over your favorite stars go changing up their hair color.

Miss. Mulligan has had blond locks for awhile now, but as soon as she was cast in The Great Gastby, she went right back to brown. Yup, that’s the film’s director, Baz Luhrmann she’s pictured with here. Do you think this was a work meeting or is there even a slight chance that these two are getting it on?

Michael Fassbender, who looks hot in pictures and who I guess was in some X-Men movie, was photographed having sex with a fully naked women up against a window in New York’s The Standard Hotel yesterday. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just some random act of practically public fucking, Michael and his co-star (who I can’t identify, can you?) were filming a scene for his new movie, Shame, which also stars Carey Mulligan. I would be shocked if she’s partaking in a scene like this, though.

For the TOTALLY NSFW (if you work at one of those kinds of places), full-frontal, basically pornographic photos, click through for the gallery…

During the red carpet foolishness known as ABC’s pre-Oscars warm-up show, one of the actresses — I think it was Meryl Streep- said that she loves coming to the Oscars because she gets to see all her friends dressed up. I have to agree. I giggle a little bit every time I see Jeff Bridges in a tuxedo because it’s like seeing my stoner hippie father at a wedding.

It was a classy affair at the Oscars tonight. Charlize Theron,  Kate Winslet, and Cameron Diaz were particularly stunning (as usual) and Sandra Bullock, who has a habit of being hit or miss, was gorgeous. There weren’t many terrible dresses, just some that were underwhelming– such as Rachel McAdams’ Ellie Saab gown that kind of  looks like a bedspread from a budget motel – pastel, with a pattern designed to camouflage old cum stains.

Also in this gallery: Kristen Stewart, Sigourney Weaver, Meryl Streep, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Gabourey Sidibe, and Carey Mulligan.

So, at first I didn’t really get Shia LaBeouf and Carey Mulligan as a couple. I guess I didn’t realize that she’s completely adorable and seemingly normal and that maybe, just maybe, having his fingers taped together for over a year has taught Shia a lesson in slowing down. Then today I saw these photos of the pair at a craft store in the Valley. They were smiling, consulting with each other on purchases, she adorably propped her little head up against the canvas she was holding outside while he enjoyed a cigarette. She doesn’t even seem annoyed that she has to stand there and wait with him while holding that huge thing. I mean, I think I have a crush on this cool-looking, put together, sweet girl. I want to do crafts with her too! That seems safe and comfortable, and dare I say, the kind of normalcy that most people crave. I think these two could hang in there for awhile.