Did you guys know that it’s Cameron Diaz‘s 39th birthday today? ‘Cause it is! Remember when she dated Matt Dillon for, like, the longest time? Yeah, I don’t get what every girl growing up in the eighties and nineties saw in him either. But then she dated Justin Timberlake, and I doubt there’s a man or woman in the world who’d say that Justin wasn’t a good choice, both personally and professionally. She’s dating A-Rod now, and that’s a head-scratcher to me, but hey. I know this whole post could have been about the cinematic accolades she’s received, or about the versatility she exhibits as an actress, but the only thing I’m really interested in about Cameron Diaz is who she happens to be boning at the moment, friends.
Happy Birthday, Cammy!
And “sans fards” is a fancy-pants French saying for “without makeup,” not “without farts” like some of you might think it means. And WHO SAYS you can’t get some good worldliness from visiting celebrity gossip rags online? Keep hanging out with us here and you’ll eventually be culture vultures.
Anyway, this is Cameron Diaz arriving at LAX earlier this week. I know a lot of you would probably expect me to rip her appearance just based on the fact that she’s Cameron Diaz, and not one of my favorite people, but I’m not going to do that. I’m going to be objective about this, like I’m supposed to. And in all honesty? She looks OK. Alright – she looks more than OK. She looks pretty freaking good in comparison to a lot of women who’d venture out in public without a full face of makeup. Me, I’m not a big fan of schlepping forty layers of shellack on my face just to go to the damned supermarket, but then, I’m not a career celebrity who’s sole job is to impress my fans with my shining, eerily-perfect appearance. I work in my PAJAMAS and UNBRUSHED HAIR most of the time, ffs. I’m apparently not out to impress anyone, myself included.
On the whole? I’d have to say that Cameron’s almost a ten. Almost.
Last night, in the most riveting piece of television in the history of colonoscopies, Jon Stewart invited Cameron Diaz to extricate his stitches one at a time. And then she totally did. It is too disgusting to miss.
You may remember how, earlier this month, Jon Stewart cut his wrist on The Daily Show—he was making margaritas during a fake press conference when a glass shattered—and as he stood there bleeding, he remarked that he might actually need stitches. No kidding, man.
Anyway. Cameron Diaz was on the program to promote her new movie Bad Teacher which, unless Ain’t It Cool News finds a way to convince me otherwise, I will probably never watch.
You know what I would watch, though? I’d watch a documentary reality program where Cameron Diaz makes house-calls in the countryside, lancing boils and yanking rotten teeth. She puts on her reading glasses, and the film crew gets really quiet as Cameron sterilizes the pointy tweezers, and then she leers maniacally at her patient and shrieks “Ready when you are!” and it’s just terrifying. God, this is actually a great idea for a TV show; it sounds just like something you’d find on BBC America.