Anne Hathaway actually blew me away with her punk transformation for the Costume Institute Gala for the “PUNK: Chaos to Couture” exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum (or Met Gala for short). Doesn’t she look great as a blonde? Every year celebs dress to the hilt for the event for whatever the theme is. This year, it’s punk. So keep that in mind when looking at these photos — these looks are supposed to be crazy and over the top.

BEST: Anne Hathaway, January Jones, Sienna Miller

WORST: Almost everyone else, but especially Kerry Washington, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Kim Kardashian and honestly there were so many more I couldn’t even deal with.

PLEASANTLY SURPRISED BY: Miley Cyrus and Anne Hathaway

Check it out!

Katie Holmes. This isn’t remotely punk and you look physically uncomfortable and you should go home.

Katy, I love you, but I don’t love this. You look pretty but the whole thing is just…just not right.

Nicole Richie. Okay. Totally get what she was going for here. It does not work. But I really admire the risk.

This is as punk as it’s ever going to get for Taylor Swift, so I’ll take it.

Gwyneth Patlrow what in the ever loving hell is this? It’s ugly. And the gown you wore to the Iron Man premiere was way more punk than this. This whole thing is terrible. What are you even doing.

Cameron Diaz. Uh.

Jennifer Lopez. There is nothing about this that I like.

Kim Kardashian baffles me. She walks around running errands and eating lunch in sky high heels and tight leather and then for a punk themed gala she wears 1970′s living room drapes? And Kanye, are you about to conduct an orchestra? You both look stupid.

Blake Lively. Stunning woman. Boring and ugly dress for this event. It’s like you didn’t even try.

Miley Cyrus in Marc Jacobs. THIS is what I’ve been waiting for. This is how you do formal punk. Her bod looks killer. The dress is great for the occasion, and not too costume-y. The hair is very over the top and to that I say, well done. A+ for you, Miley. If you hate this, you and Katie Holmes should go hang out at the American Girl Store.

Rooney Mara is always a little punk, so for her this is almost boring.

January Jones. YES. My girl January ALWAYS BRINGS IT to the Met Galas. And I always bring her the love.

Michelle Obama’s Arch Nemesis Kerry Washington. Leather gloves and black taffeta stapled on the back? Really, Kerry? That was the best you could do?

Jessica Alba. WHERE ARE HER EYEBROWS? Is this purposeful? Is it just bad lighting? Can I just not see them? What the hell is happening where am I what day is it

Oh my God Kirsten Dunst, this isn’t even the right theme. You look amazing but you could have done this theme so well and instead you Gatsby’d it up. I’m so mad at you.

Sarah Jessica Parker wore some kind of…mohawk…headpiece? So points for sticking to the theme, but…Miley did it so much better. It almost pains me to say that. Almost.

And this is also as punk as we will get for Emma Watson. Okay. I accept it.

Ella Fanning got a little lost in the theme. I do love her eye makeup but the tie dye is not right. Even if the theme was tie dye. It would still be bad.

Nicki Minaj. This is like a dress you would get at Bebe for a girls’ weekend in Vegas. Do not like. She looks very pretty though.

Jessica Paré. Nooooo Megan Draper, why did you do this. You could have done something so much better.

Chloe Sevigny, I am so disappointed in you. This is so blah for you and so blah for this event. This is the kind of stuff you would wear to the Golden Globes. You’re Sevs, you gotta step it up for these occassions.

Ashley Olsen. I, uh, okay. Well it’s not boring. It’s hard to look away from. It’s intriguing. Kind of like the Tupac Hologram.

Anja Rubik. Haha. I like this. I like how strung out and Angela Bowie it is.

Julie Macklowe (“socialite”). This is a perfect example of taking the theme too far into the costume end. This is not good.

Madonna. She clearly went with the theme…and I’m not sure what I think. I need some time to think this over. And several days of meditation and soul searching.

Wat

Sienna Miller. YES. I LOVE THIS. This is perfect.

THE END.

Not content to simply ruin the mediums of music and television, Nicki Minaj has apparently decided to expand her tour of terror to film and is reportedly in final negotiations for a role aside Cameron Diaz in the upcoming “revenge comedy” The Other Woman.

The Hollywood Reporter has the full scoop:

Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Kate Upton are on the roll call.

Nick Cassavetes is directing the comedy, which centers on a woman (Diaz) who finds out that she is “the other woman” in an affair. She teams up with the wife (Mann) to get revenge on the cheating cad of a husband, being played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau.

Minaj will play Diaz’s opinionated assistant — a woman on her third marriage — at a law firm.

The singer currently appears on American Idol as one of the judges and has voiced a character in Fox’s Ice Age: Continental Drift.

Julie Yorn is producing the project, which was written by Melissa Stack and will shoot in late spring/early summer in New York.

LOL, I love that Nicki Minaj’s first role would be of an “opinionated” woman. Really stretch her abilities there, guys. The only thing that could make a Cameron Diaz movie worse is Nicki Minaj – and I’m saying that as someone who doesn’t really even mind Cameron Diaz. This is just a big no all around.

Esquire’s UK editor, Alex Bilmes, made comments so douchey I thought I was reading The Onion for a second. Nope.

At a panel discussion on feminism (!), Mr. Bilmes almost went out of his way to make the most anti-feminist statements ever.

As reported in Gawker, Alex Bilmes said this:

The women that we feature in the magazine are ornamental. That is how we see them. I could lie to you and say [we're] interested in their brains as well, but on the whole, we’re not. They’re there to be beautiful objects. They’re objectified.

There are certain times when we just want to look at them cause they’re sexy. One of the things men like is picture of pretty girls. So we provide them with pictures of pretty girls. And those pretty girls, for that purpose, they are ornamental. We also provide them with pictures of cool cars, or whatever. It’s a thing that you might want to look at.

Wait, wait, this is my favorite part:

We’re at least, or possibly more, ethnically diverse [than other magazines]. More shape-diverse. We also have older women. Not really old, but in their 40s… Cameron Diaz was on the cover three issues ago. She’s in her 40s.

More “shape-diverse”? I’m guessing that means women of all sizes 0 – 4 because I haven’t ever seen Precious on their cover.

It would be really awesome if actresses now refused to pose for the UK edition of Esquire but we all know that won’t happen.

Speaking of super duper old actresses, here are the photos from Ms. Diaz’s Esquire spread. They make me feel a little bit sad inside.

Hi, everyone! ‘Tis I, Jenn, your faithful new managing editor – come February 1, anyway. I trust we’ll all find a way to grieve together as Sarah and Emily move on to greener pastures, then we’ll begin our own love affair and embark upon a new phase in our lives at one another’s sides. Or, you know, you could hate my guts and tell me so in the comments every day, forcing me to cry myself to sleep. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that, though, yeah? Now, time to get down to business.

Cameron Diaz has a buck wild spirit that won’t quit, and that’s why I love her. I use “love” very, very loosely, because I actually have no feelings for her either way – she seems innocuous enough, despite her rather bizarre love of being objectified and a mind-boggling lack of basic feminist understanding. She’s living large and in charge, dates around, doesn’t want to get married and is pleased as punch to be getting older (or so she says) and for that reason, it seems like our girl Cam is killin’ it. Well, not so, my friends. Turns out, being a free-wheelin’ female Lothario has its drawbacks and when a case of mid-life malaise hits, there’s only one person who can save you – and unfortunately this doctor’s more annoying than the patient: Gwyneth Paltrow.

According to The Sun:

“Gwyneth’s sorted out everything from finances to hooking her up with her trainer. She has also forced her to swear off sex for a year, saying men distract her focus.”

I mean, if anything’s worse than working out and not having sex with your boo, it has to be taking life advice from Gwyneth Paltrow, who thinks liquified grass counts as a meal and may or may not be engaging in a bit of the ole rumpy pumpy with Jay-Z (as if he would ever cheat on the Queen Bey!). She’s insufferable. Not to mention, hello, who in the hell wants life advice from anyone, let alone the female Jack Skellington? The second she tried to make me trade in chocolate cake for Buddhist meditation and seaweed enemas, I’d be out the door. Or I’d punch her, then be out the door.

Here’s a hint, Cameron: Gwyneth Paltrow can’t help you. You know what can? Not being friends with Gwyneth Paltrow.

This is what Cameron looked like whilst hailing a taxi in Manhattan, and if you think the face is alright (because it really, really is), then you’re probably going to love the boots. I love the boots. I’m not much of an ankle bootie kind of girl, because I’m short and don’t have baseball bat-shaped legs, but these boots are still pretty hot. They’re from Rag & Bone and a pair will run you somewhere around $550 bones, an investment not all that terrible when you consider other designer shoe prices. In fact, Rag & Bone’s stuff is generally awesome, and the very next thing from Rag & Bone that I probably should have in my closet is this:

Yeah, the leather sleeves are reminiscent of something you might find Kim Kardashian’s closet (or, you know, Kanye’s closet, maybe next to his skirt), but if you couple that with the floral pattern and make it all a blazer? I think we might be on to something, guys. The downside? At $655 bucks, this hot little jacket will cost you more than the shoes, and I just don’t know that I’d pay that much for something that might make me feel like Kim Kardashian on my worst days.

I think every woman does want to be objectified. There’s a little part of you at all times that hopes to be somewhat objectified, and I think it’s healthy.

—Cameron Diaz on the deepest desire of a woman’s heart, being objectified and subsequently not taken seriously because duh, women are totally the inferior sex and we’re just lucky that men haven’t made us redundant except for sex as it is. Lucky, lucky bitches we are, guys.

See, now, it’s not very often that I have to go and find a reason to dislike a particular celebrity, especially Cameron Diaz, because I’ve always, always thought her to be reasonably unintelligent and, as a result, gag-inducing anytime she ever opens her mouth, but this time I also find her pretty contradictory and hypocritical, as Cameron Diaz has always played the “I don’t want to get married and settle down because FEMINISM and FEMINIST TENDENCIES,” which is fine, if she were actually believable and not sad when she attempted to make these “bold” statements. However? Her saying that it’s OK to be objectified, and that every woman totally hopes and lives to be objectified someday only reinforces the fact that I think Cameron Diaz is a sad, confused woman who should probably gather her thoughts a little bit further before ever opening her mouth. Like, people should probably send her interview questions a year in advance so she can keep track of previous responses. Oh, and live interviews? F-ck, never again.

The single actress, 40, ferociously flirted with Robert Pattinson — who reconciled in early September with Kristen Stewart — at the Gucci-sponsored L.A. County Museum of Art’s Art + Film Gala on Oct. 27.

“She was pretty obvious,” says one of three witnesses who watched Diaz come on to the Twilight star, 26. “Cam was seated next to Rob at dinner. She was touching his arm, doing her big Cameron laugh at everything he said and trying really hard. He was polite, but not having it.” Clearly he only has eyes for Stewart.

For whatever reason, this story makes me really happy. I don’t even know that I believe it all that much (who am I kidding; I totally believe it), but something about Robert Pattinson snubbing Cameron Diaz for a lady who cheated on him and who he had the fortitude to forgive and move on because of whole, true love, makes me happy. It makes me believe in fairytale love, and I don’t mean the kind of fairytale where Snow White sleeps with a buck-toothed movie director—I mean the kind where, at the end of the day, all that matters is love.

LOVE.

Oh my gosh. I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t even know what to say, this is that horrifying. I don’t mean that it’s not sort of amusing, because it is, a little, and if it wasn’t the monstrosity we know as Gwyneth Paltrow, it might even be funny. I just mean that it’s so … embarrassing. I watched it a few times as I tried to figure out my feelings, and I just feel so unbelievably embarrassed right now.

And maybe it’s just my intense feelings for Gwyneth, but does anyone else think that she did this video and then sent it to Beyonce with a letter that said “please pass this along to your husband so we can begin work on our record post-haste”? Because Gwyneth thinks she and Jay-Z are going to do the next Watch the Throne together. Because she’s that out of touch*.

But Cameron Diaz is pretty cute, right?

*I know she’s not that out of touch. I know she probably did this to have fun with her friends. I know it’s a joke. But guys. It’s Gwyneth Paltrow. Loosen up.

Cameron Diaz’s recent age quote to Esquire UK:

“For the first time in my life I’m content. I’m so excited. Getting older is the best part of life. Like, I know more than I’ve ever known. I have gratitude. I know myself better. I feel more capable than ever. And as far as the physicality of it – I feel better at 40 than I did at 25. I’m so excited. Getting older is the best part of life. Like, I know more than I’ve ever known.”

And then here’s Sofia’s recent age quote to Lucky:

“Turning 40 is horrible. People that say it isn’t are full of shit.”

But, to be fair, and you know it pains me to defend Cameron Diaz, because she and I just haven’t been homegirls in forever, but here’s another few quips from Sofia’s interview, which was definitely, definitely a little over the top if you compare it to Cameron’s (which is here, if you want to read some more level-headed quotes and not things about breast lifts, yachts, and diamonds):

“It [my engagement ring] is perfection. If it was bigger, it would be too big to wear. But if it was smaller, I would not like.”

“I love luxury. I love yachts. I love planes. I love trips,” Vergara admits. “I can live without all of them, and I have, but I am not going to apologize and pretend I don’t love luxury, because I do.”

“I know [my breasts] have opened doors for me, let’s be real. But I so hate when I see Gisele and she is wearing a tiny little tank top with no bra, like, ‘Oh, I just threw this on, I look so cute.’ If I wore that I would look like I was pregnant, or a fat stripper.”

Now. Who’s full of shit?

Oh, you guys, I’m sorry. When I asked the question of “who is the highest paid actress in Hollywood?” and then put a picture of Meryl Streep right up there at the top, that made it look like Meryl is the highest paid actress, didn’t it? I’m sorry, but it’s just not true. Meryl is on the list, but she’s not at the top. She deserves to be at the top, but she’s not.

Before I let you know the richiest rich lady in Hollywood, let me just show you the top ten list, all right? I’ll go ahead and tack on the amount of money they made in the past year, just so you can cry while you balance your checkbook like I do.

10. Jennifer Aniston – $11 million
9. Kristen Wiig – $12 million
8. Meryl Streep – $12 million
7. Sarah Jessica Parker – $15 million
6. Julia Roberts – $16 million
5. Charlize Theron – $18 million
4. Angelina Jolie – $20 million
3. Sandra Bullock – $25 million
2. Cameron Diaz – $34 million

Ok, but who do you think landed in the number one spot? Who do you think made nearly three times as much as the beloved Meryl Streep? Who do you think made a few million dollars more than Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston combined?

1. Kristen Stewart – $34.5 million

Yes, thanks to them Twilight movies and Snow White and the Huntsman, Kristen Stewart is the top-earning actress in all of Hollywood. Does anyone else feel physically ill?

Anyway. This is Cameron Diaz leaving a club at three o’clock this morning, and if you check out the photos in the gallery, you’ll see that she gets a little help walking to her car. And in light of that, what I want to know is why all of these celebrities feel it a necessity to have handlers escorting them out of a club, putting their hands on them and steadying them and making sure that they get into their waiting vehicles OK. Because you see it all of the time. Celebrities drunk and falling out of clubs while burly men grasp their elbows and occasionally their waists if they’re really loaded, and you hardly ever see any of these celebrities bite it and land on the ground.

I mean, when I was in my very, very early twenties (and OK, my late, late teens), I was leaving bars without the help of any burly men, and if and when I bit it and landed on the ground on my way out, you know what happened? Well. Let’s just say that I didn’t have any “friends” there to steady me or pick me up, because they were all too busy pointing and laughing at my silly ass on the ground. These celebrities, guys, I just don’t know. It’s like they have no sense of reality or something.

Looking good, girl!

“There was a little misunderstanding. I said, ‘Oh I just want a little bit off’ … and it went from here to here. … I just burst into tears and started crying, and I felt so vulnerable. For a woman to all of a sudden have no hair, oh my god. I felt really bad, she felt really bad, she started crying, I started crying, a couple of other people started crying.”

Wait. “For a woman to all of a sudden have no hair.” What’s that? No, really—what is that, and why is she including me in it? Wait, you mean she’s not? She’s only talking about herself and her own personal experience in being self-conscious about something that doesn’t really matter at all? Oh. OK. Because I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why she’d say “for a woman to all of a sudden have no hair, oh my god,” because I am a woman, and I, too, have had “bad” haircuts. I’ve had long, wavy hair down to my ass and I’ve had hair that was literally a half-inch long. I’ve pretty much run the gamut of hair lengths, and nothing about its length, condition, or color ever made me feel like less of a woman.

So, what, Cameron? Short hair isn’t as feminine as long blonde locks? There’s a length that women just shouldn’t go, because it’s not fitting? I’m not really sure I’m understanding what you’re saying, and I’m not all that comfortable completely chalking my cloudy fugue today solely to the half-bottle of NyQuil that I’ve ingested over the last twelve hours, nor am I being blinded by the massive pile of tissues that are dotted across my desk, threatening to close in on my notebook, looking like poisonous jelly fish floating around in barrel. No, it’s not just the massive head cold that’s got me a little foggy, it’s your unspoken reasoning behind the “stigma” of short hair on women.

Can you do a sister a solid and clear that up for me? Huh, girl?