Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Bruno Mars

Young celebrities are richer than ever

justin bieber

Forbes released their annual list of the highest earning celebrities under the age of 30 this week, and perhaps unsurprisingly, they’re mostly all pop stars. They base the list off of their Celebrity 100 list and research they gathered to put that one together, so without further ado, prepare to cry yourself to sleep over your stack of student loans and leftover Thanksgiving food tonight as you realize just how much money these young people have and how much you (we) don’t:

1. Justin Bieber, age 20, $80 million
2. One Direction, average age 21, $75 million
3. Taylor Swift, age 24, $64 million
4. Bruno Mars, age 29, $60 million
5. Rihanna, age 26, $48 million
6. Miley Cyrus, age 21, $36 million
7. Jennifer Lawrence, age 24, $34 million
8. Lady Gaga, age 28, $33 million
9. Avicii, age 25, $28 million
10. Skrillex, age 26, $18 million

Please tell me how on God’s green earth SKRILLEX made $18 million. Like, how is that just? How is it even possible? My mind is blown. Avicii is another surprise. I know people were nuts about ‘Wake Me Up’ and ‘Hey, Brother’… but $28 million worth of crazy? I mean, damn.

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What Did We Think of Bruno Mars and the Super Bowl Half-Time Show?

super bowl

I don’t like American football, so it should be no surprise that I didn’t bother to turn on the TV for the Super Bowl last night – not even for the commercials (still haven’t seen any!) or the Half-Time show, which is what most non-sports fans are actually in it for. That and the snacks, that is. In any case, I missed Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers performing, but luckily, there’s video!

I’m not a Bruno Mars fan, really, but you have to admit he kills it here. His live show/band is on POINT, and it’s nice to see RHCP doing a little something, as well (though I truly wonder who even thought of them). ‘Locked Out of Heaven’ and ‘Treasure’ were the tracks Bruno performed, and then RHCP joined them for a rendition of ‘Give It Away’. Ta-da!

Did you watch the Super Bowl? What were your favourite ads? Did the right team win?

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Bruno Mars is Billboard’s Artist of the Year

bruno mars

Bruno Mars is a bit of a dodgy little troll, isn’t he? The problem is, he’s also a pretty good musician with some disgustingly catchy songs. People love this dude – he’s not only performing at the Super Bowl halftime show, but now he’s been named Billboard’s Artist of the Year for 2013. Like, out of all artists.

Apparently his second album has sold 1.2 million copies since it was released a year ago this month. That seems… low, right? That’s not a dig on Bruno, I just feel like when we hear about album sales, it’s like, “Sold 60 million copies!” or whatever. Maybe I’m wrong on that one? Anyway, here’s a nice little video of Bruno for you to enjoy.

Who’s your artist of the year? Let us know in the comments. I can’t decide!

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Presenting Worst Choice For Super Bowl Halftime Show Since Black Eyed Peas

bruno mars social media instagram photo with tiger

Bruno Mars somehow landed one of the best gigs a musician can get — the Super Bowl Halftime Show. He must have caught a grenade for someone. When I say, “this is the worst Super Bowl pick since The Black Eyed Peas” I don’t mean that in an overly negative or mean way. I mean it in the sense of, “A bunch of dads have no idea who Bruno Mars is” and “can one really rock out to Bruno Mars?” Thom Yorke doesn’t even know who Bruno Mars is.

Last year we got Beyoncé, who while not a classic rock and roll act like The Rolling Stones or Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers or other rock bands of halftime shows past, is still a huge pop star with huge songs who knows how to perform. Bruno Mars isn’t really a stadium performer. I mean come on, does this promo scream “GET READY FOR SOME HIGH ENERGY PERFORMANCE SHIT, BITCHES!!!”?

bruno mars super bowl half time show

Mr. Mars confirmed the gig in this tweet, as did Pepsi with this tweet.

What do you think: is Bruno Mars a good choice? Who would you have picked?

Thom Yorke Asks, “Who The F-ck Is Bruno Mars?”

thom yorke radio head bruno mars

Thom Yorke of Radiohead and his new band Atoms for Peace, made me smile tonight/today. Yorke, AKA Kate Hudson’s first choice, asked the big question, the question everyone has been wanting to ask:

Who the f-ck is Bruno Mars?

Ah yes. Who the f-ck is Bruno Mars? And why the f-ck is Bruno Mars? And for how long?

Well let me tell you, Englishman. Bruno Mars is a damn poet. Were you the one who came up with the lyric, “You and me, baby, making love like gorillas”? No. No you were not. That was all Mars, baby.

In an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine, the subject of the Billboard Charts came up. Atoms for Peace’s album, Amok, debuted at #2 on the charts. And #1 was…? That’s right. Bruno Mars. Which prompted Thom Yorke to ask,

Who the f-ck is Bruno Mars?

I mean I could easily go on quoting this one stupid line over and over, so here’s slightly more info from KROQ:

“Who the f-ck is Bruno Mars?” Yorke said early in the Rolling Stone Q&A, going on to add, “Sorry. I’ll get slandered now,” when discussing how Atoms for Peace’s debut album, Amok, entered the Billboard 200 chart at Number Two behind Mars’ Unorthodox Jukeboxwhen they were released during the same week.

“Bruno Mars had a special on Amazon. That’s why,” offered Yorke’s Atoms for Peace bandmate Nigel Godrich, referring to Unorthodox Jukeboxbeing sold for only $1.99 during the first week of release.

“Amazon f-cks with us every time,” Yorke added. “They undercut us. So really, it was Number One.”

Oh snap. It wasn’t enough to ask the world, “Who the f-ck is Bruno Mars?” nay, not for our dear Mr. Yorke. He also had to assert his dominance by suggesting that really, Bruno Mars was not the true #1 best selling artist on the list. More delight. I’m not even a Radiohead fan.

F-ck you, Bruno Mars. I don’t even have a reason. I don’t need a reason. I just feel like it. I’m sure you understand, being such a poet.

Bruno Mars Is a Poet Who Describes Sex As Only An Artist Could

bruno mars

Bruno Mars is a little fedora-wearing troll who also really likes cocaine. Or, you know, used to – before he was arrested for possession of 2.6 grams of it in Las Vegas back in 2010. He’s also an absolutely terrible lyricist who manages to put together some catchy melodies that make me hate myself when they get stuck in my head.

In a new interview with GQ, Bilbo opens up about his wonderful songwriting skills and penchant for describing sex and women’s bodies in the most awkward and least sexy way possible.

We begin with the recently omnipresent “Locked Out of Heaven,” which channels the spirit of early Police into something joyous, idiosyncratic, and utterly contemporary. It is also one of many songs on his new album that are about sex. “It feels good to sing about,” he begins. “It feels…sexy. It puts you in a sexy frame of mind. It feels good to pro-ject. Sex is a great party starter.”

A pop song about sex is nothing unusual. It is less common for a chart-topping single to be essentially one long hymn of praise and supplication to a vagina.

“Pretty awesome, right?” he says. “The verses to me are what really makes that song: Swimming in your water is something spiritual.

If this still sounds vague in its allusions, when Mars was answering fans’ questions online last October, he clarified exactly which body of water he was referring to. “As in da pussay leche,” he tweeted.”I’m a writer, man!” he says when I mention this tweet. “What do you want me to do? It was just a moment. It felt like the right thing to do.”

In a fairly direct anatomical way, I say.

“You can’t use big words with me. What does anatomical mean?”

He is spelling out, I explain, that the song is about what’s between a woman’s legs.

“Sure,” he says. “In the most beautiful, passionate, sexy way ever.”

I mean, what? Does Bruno Mars seriously fancy himself as some lady loving’ Lothario who oozes sexuality? Please, find me a woman who’s had sex with Bruno Mars and enjoyed it. That’s a literal request – I need to see if that woman is firing on all cylinders, so to speak. Also, a grown ass man who doesn’t know what “anatomical” means. Rowr, ignorance is irresistible – let me at him!

Bruno went on to navel gaze about his other big hit, ‘Grenade’, and further insist upon his genius poet status even though, again, it’s a really stupid f-cking song.

Some people, I persist relentlessly, might find an extended metaphor that aligns religion and a vagina to be blasphemous.

Mars chooses to take this as something of an affront. “It’s like that saying: ‘If you think it’s racist, then you’re racist,’ ” he protests. “If you think it’s blasphemous, then obviously you don’t know that it’s poetry. You can pick apart all of my songs. A bullet through your brain, man? That’s not politically correct.” He is referring here to the lyrics—I would…take a bullet straight through my brain—from “Grenade,” the high point of his first album, in which he offers a gruesome list of harms he would be prepared to face on behalf of a lover who he now realizes would not reciprocate. “You’re not listening to it right if you’re picking it apart like that. You know? I can’t overthink everything I wrote or worry about that kind of stuff. Hopefully people should know. There’s no blasphemy. Or insult to any religion. It’s just f-cking poetry, whether you believe me or not.”

Another of Mars’s favorites on the new album, “Gorilla,” builds to a chorus in which Mars declares, You and me, baby, making love like gorillas. I bet I can find a few questions he’ll find exasperating on this topic.

“It was just painting a picture—some animalistic sex,” he says. “Instead of me singing ‘You and me having animalistic sex’—which is a terrible lyric.”

Newsflash to Bruno Mars: “you and me baby, making love like gorillas” is also a really terrible lyric. Even worse than “you and me having animalistic sex”, I’d say. Make him stop. Please, I beg you.

This is the Video for Bruno Mars’ Breaking Dawn Song

Remember we talked about this? All this ‘It Will Rain’ business that I can’t even begin to wrap my head around because I’m still so distraught over Mars’ shoddy Amy Winehouse tribute? I mean, of course I know it’s not his fault that he, in no way, shape, or form, compares to Amy Winehouse, but damn. That’d be like me going out and pretending I could successfully ghost write for someone like William Faulkner or something. Come the f*ck on.

Anyway, this is the video, and it’s as broody and moody and provocative as you’d think it’d be, coming from the Breaking Dawn Part 1 soundtrack, and it’s not so bad, I suppose.

Speaking of which, Breaking Dawn hits theaters next Friday – are you prepared for the madness and mayhem?