You remember Britney Spears‘ first husband, Jason Alexander, don’t you? They were married for a blissful 55 hours before the whole thing was annulled because Britney “lacked understanding of her actions to the extent that she was incapable of agreeing to the marriage,” and ever since then Jason has proved himself to be such an asshole. And, you guys, today isn’t any different.

Yesterday I gave you guys those really sweet quotes from Britney’s second ex-husband, Kevin Federline, about her engagement. Today we have Jason Alexander’s opinion on the whole thing. It’s a little different:

“I know everyone wants me to be happy about this, but I am not. I think it’s fake and I think people are afraid to say it. If you look at all the pictures between them there is no connection. They look like they are going through the motions.  It seems like a answer to the court thing. Sort of a nice way to sew it all up she marries her handler.  That way she always has someone controlling her. It’s sort of sad.”

Oh no you just didn’t, Jason Alexander. You need, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you need to take a lesson from K-Fed on this one and be kind and hopeful for someone you supposedly used to love, and if you can’t that, then as Britney so eloquently told you once before, you can kiss her “lily white southern Louisiana ass.”

“I’m really happy for her—I think he’s a great guy. “She’s happy; she’s doing really well. I want to say she’s in a good place. I haven’t spoken to her much since I’ve been over here—both of us have been busy with her being on tour—but I do know from talking to the kids and talking to the kids’ teachers that they’re doing really good. It’s a good step in the right direction. I’m totally happy for her.”

- Kevin Federline expresses his happiness for his ex-wife, Britney Spears, upon news of her engagement.

He also had this to say about Britney’s famous breakdown:

“It was tough,” Kevin remarked about the ordeal. “I had to do what I had to do for the safety of our children. But at the same time, it tears my heart to pieces to watch your ex go through that, let alone watch anybody go through that. It’s horrible. It was a completely dramatic, depressing stage of my life that I’m so glad I’m over and get to leave behind. It was tough.”

And as for Britney’s future husand, Jason Trawick, K-Fed said that he “seems like a really good guy” and that “the kids speak highly of him and her family loves him.”

You guys, I’m going to let you in on something here: I’m crying right now. I am crying real tears because of words that Kevin Federline said. Is this real life? What’s happening to me? Am I alone in this? Am I crazy, or is Kevin actually starting to sound like an intelligent person?

And wouldn’t you? If you got engaged to Britney Spears this past weekend? Some guys just have all the luck.

Here are some photos of Britney and Jason leaving The Sugar Factory, where the couple celebrated their engagement earlier this week. Britney looks genuinely happy, her smile is megawatt and the laughter in her eyes is completely legit, but that honky, scaly, scabby sore on her ankle? Good heavens, girl, what happened? It’s supposed to be the dude getting down on one knee, you know. Unless … no. I can’t. I’m sorry. I love you and all, girl, but I just can’t go there. Not anymore. Not after 2006.

What the hell could that even be?

“But how official is it?” you may ask. I’ll tell you this: it’s official enough to put on Facebook. And, well, you can probably see that fancy engagement ring in that picture up there. But most importantly, it’s Facebook official. This is for real, guys.

I am so, so happy for Britney though. Just look at her precious face in that picture up there! Sure, she’s got the crazy eyes, but she just looks so happy, doesn’t she? And check out a few of her Tweets from yesterday:

OMG. Last night Jason surprised me with the one gift I’ve been waiting for. Can’t wait to show you! SO SO SO excited!!!! Xxo

Still glowing! About to jump on a plane to Planet Hollywood in Vegas. Throwing a Bday Party for Jason at Chateau Night Club. So fun. Xxoo

Good luck, Britney! After the past few years, you deserve it!

Britney‘s getting married?! Like, again? They say third time’s the charm, right?

According to TMZ‘s Harvey Levin, there’s inside info confirming that Britney Spears is, indeed, getting engaged tonight. And if this marriage is anything like her previous two, she’ll be married by Tuesday. Kidding. But seriously, I think this is fabulous news. This is a dude (albeit a crazy-eyed dude, but birds of a feather and all that …) who’s stuck by Britney through thick and thin (mostly thick), and seems to be a strong, positive influence on both her and her boys. I’m really, really happy if this is the case, and if it’s not, hell. Stop wasting my time, TMZ. I expect the rill dill from you guys, not some trumped-up story faked out for a Friday. According to the site:

Jason Trawick may have jumped the engagement gun … ’cause Britney Spears just posted a message hinting that he ALREADY popped the question … and she said yes! Britney just went to her Facebook page and wrote, “OMG. Last night Jason surprised me with the one gift I’ve been waiting for. Can’t wait to show you! SO SO SO excited!!!! Xxo.”

TMZ broke the story … Trawick had planned to ask for Britney’s hand in marriage during their trip to Vegas … and the smart money was that it was all SUPPOSED to go down tonight. Seems he just couldn’t wait! Sources close to the couple tell us … Jason organized a MASSIVE celebratory dinner tonight at the Chocolate Lounge at the Sugar Factory in the Paris Hotel … because Brit Brit LOVES chocolate. We’re told there will be a chocolate fondue and all the men will get chocolate truffle cigars.

After dinner … the gang is set to go to Chateau nightclub and party the night away.

YUM. Does this not sound like a dream come true, all that chocolate? At least, my dream come true, and Brit’s, too. I mean, we ALL know how she feels about that sweet, cocoa-brown goodness.

Look! It’s just like Clark Griswold’s house, just done more professionally, and instead of Britney herself being Clark, she’s cousin Eddie, complete with Snots the dog.

I mean, couldn’t you just see Brit, cigarette clamped between her teeth, dumping the toxic toilet tank from her trailer into the sewer grate outside her home? I could.

Merry Christmas to you and yours, Britney! Love you, girl!