Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Britney Spears

Moby (I Know, Remember Him?) Says Britney is ‘Broken’

photo of moby and duran duran pictures photos recent pics

Way to be ten years behind the time, Mobe. I know you’re perpetually stuck in, like, ’99 or something, but publicly outing Britney on her general off-balanceness is so last decade. On Britney, Moby says:

“Britney’s actually kind of like a broken-down shell of a human being, that’s what makes her so endearing and compelling. She was lovely, but really broken. Like, (A Streetcar Named Desire character) Blanche Dubois-style broken. Actually, the most entitled people I’ve met are indie rockers and indie actors, because they really believe their press.”

Now, Moby fans, before you go taking your horn-rimmed specs off because you KNOW that it’s not cool to fight when you’re wearing glasses, let it be said that I think Moby’s actually a cool dude, aside from his music – and the last part of that is only because it’s just not my thing. However, he does a lot of good, and we share most of the same spiritual views.  But regardless, unless you’re a gossip blogger that happens to run across a slow news day and Britney’s your fallback snark girl, you shouldn’t be throwing her under the bus just because you’re trying to sell albums and it’ll get you press.  ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’VE ALREADY DONE IT ONCE, in practically all the same words.

This would be the appropriate place to say, ‘Ugh, Moby – get some new material.’ And praise the cosmos, he HAS.  His next album (which hits stores next week) is supposed to be more acoustic than anything, so you better start picking up the pot again and laying off the rolling for a little while at the very least.
Do be sure to let me know how it is.

Britney Does an Interview (Sort Of)

To me, it was more like regurgitation of buzz words like ‘outrageous,’ ‘out of this world,’ ‘fantastic,’ and ‘amazing,’ but friends? It’s a start. Britney‘s totally not what she used to be as far as being able to engage people (and what the fuck is with the facial tick and the avoidance of eye-camera contact?), but she’s taking steps in the right direction in order to bring herself back to relevancy in the new millennium.

Britney’s hauled a long road, you know? I just really hope she’s finally doing what’s right for her and her fragile psyche, and hell. Not EVERY interview, public appearance, and commercial can be as cool and fun as the one from 1999 anyway.

A Day in The Life of Britney Spears!

A photo of Britney Spears

We’ve been pretty good at keeping you posted on the mental health of Britney Spears. We tell you all about her delusional, jacked ticket prices and her dance technique.  And now, In Touch has a little story about some of Britney’s day-to-day activities.  Warning:  it’s pretty pitiful.

From In Touch via Celebitchy:

Three years after the meltdown that landed her in a mental health facility, Britney lives like a prisoner in her own home, with virtually every aspect of her life under the control of her father/conservator, Jamie Spears.

“She isn’t allowed to have a cell phone, and she’s not allowed to take incoming calls to her home unless security screens them first,” reveals an insider. “If she wants to make outgoing calls, security has to dial the numbers for her. She still has an allowance, and if she wants extra cash, she must submit a formal request…

Allowed contact with few people other than Jamie, her sons Jayden, 4, and Sean, 5, and her boyfriend, talent agent Jason Trawick – with whom she frequently fights – the onetime party girl is “incredibly lonely,” says the insider.

She has no privacy and yet at the same time, she has no time to herself. “Most people don’t know this, but Britney has a sober companion who is with her constantly, whenever Jason isn’t,” shares another close source. “The companion follows her everywhere she goes – even to the bathroom in restaurants or other public places – to ensure there’s no way anyone can slip her drugs.”

I can’t imagine living like this without going out of my mind, but I’ve also never had a doctor diagnose me as “gravely disabled.” And, as everyone always says, what Britney’s got going on seems to be working for her.  But honestly, she also seems like this dog that lives across the street – he’s chained up pretty close, so he spends all his time in his little dog house, and there are other dogs that visit him and he gets food and water and some attention.  You know, that dog’s alive, but what kind of life is it?

For Only $1,000, You Could Meet The Shell of a Human That is Britney Spears

Remember how earlier this week I told you that you can see Britney Spears live for anywhere between $99 and $999? Well, if you’re one of the eleven people on the planet earth rich and crazy enough to buy the highest priced tickets, you also get the bonus of meeting the totally crazy former pop princess in person! Score!

I’d like to take a moment to remind everyone (especially you, Lisa Loeb) that it’s 2011, Britney Spears is freakin’ crazy and the apocalypse is going to hit before we all know it. Anyone who’s spending $1,000 to watch Britney lip sync through 12 songs and then shake her insane hand deserves the devastation that they will suffer when they spent their food and guns money on such a silly and frivolous thing.

2002 Britney? That maybe would have been worth the cash, but the warbly maniac with the crooked weave is no longer worth your time and money folks. Sorry.

Britney Spears Wants Us to Pay *WHAT* to Watch Her Lip Sync?

There’s no doubt in my mind that the Britney Spears and Nicki Minaj tour is not to be missed, but unfortunately, I might have to miss it. Why? Because I don’t have anywhere from $99-$999 to spend on a ticket to see them.

With the way Britney’s been acting, the Femme Fatale tour may be her last big outing, but by the time taxes and surcharges are factored into the price of her tickets, she might be performing for an empty arena. When the tickets went on presale and I saw the prices of the packages available, my jaw dropped. I mean, bitch better use all that cash on a new weave.

Check it out:

I know that it costs a lot of money to outfit Britney in those leather bodices and sparkly unitards and I’m sure the pyro and stage production alone is like, ten dollars per seat, but who the hell has that kind of money lying around to blow on an aging pop star who can’t even dance anymore? The draw on this show seems to be Nicki, and even as a huge fan of hers, I really wouldn’t spend much more than fifty bucks to see her live. Like, does a pair of ass implants come free with with every ticket?

Are you going to try and score tickets to see Britney and Nicki’s show? Do you think the prices she’s charging are reasonable for what you’ll get, or are you sucking it up and paying just because you don’t want to miss it?

Together, Britney Spears and Nicki Minaj Can Do Anything

A photo of Nicki Minaj and Britney Spears

And I do mean anything, but on this particular occasion, I mean that together, Britney Spears and Nicki Minaj can start a small riot.

In case you haven’t heard, Nicki is joining Britney for her upcoming tour (who’s excited?!), and since the two ladies are getting somewhat tight nowadays, Britney decided to be a sweetheart and stop by a party Nicki hosted Friday night in L.A.  Of course, people couldn’t handle the combined magic of Nick and Brit, and here’s the result:

A source tells us, “[It] was complete pandemonium. Six people were carried out after hyperventilating. They literally fainted when Britney walked onto the stage where Nicki was hanging.”

For those still conscious, their goal was to try and reach Britney.

“People were crowd surfing to get to the stage. Screams were so loud for Nicki and Brit you couldn’t hear the music. Bouncers couldn’t hold the crowd back.”

I just can’t imagine fainting over Britney Spears in 2011, but hey, to each her own.  That being said, I’m fully prepared to admit the high potential for magic during a Nicki Minaj/Britney Spears tour.  What do you guys think?

I’ll Never Look At a Squatting Britney Spears The Same Way Again

We’ve talked quite a bit over here about how Britney now just isn’t the same as she used to be, but if you needed any more proof, check out this quote her choreographer, Brian Friedman, gave OK Magazine regarding how he gets BritBrit to remember her moves:

“I feel like a comedian all day when we’re working together. If you do a little squat down to the floor, I always scream, ‘take a poop!’ … I always use analogies with steps because if you remember, ‘take a poop, wipe it off’ then you remember doing a squat and then coming up and doing a hip roll with your hands on your hips.”

I get that all those moves might be difficult to remember for someone who’s fried her brain with prescription pills, but I actually want to vomit thinking about someone talking to me like that in a professional environment. I mean, what kind of moron is this choreographer if this is the best he can come up with?

Can we see if we can come up with something better in the comments than “take a poop, wipe if off?”

I can’t believe I just typed that. I need to go shower.