1K-Fed Offered a Job!

Perhaps Mr. Britney Spears won’t have to resort to selling sex tapes after all. While his soon-to-be ex-wife traverses the country on Paris Hilton’s coattails, Kevin Federline has reportedly been offered nearly $300,000 to appear on the U.K.’s Celebrity Big Brother.

According to an insider, “Kevin is hugely entertaining because he takes himself really seriously – even though no one else does. He’ll be great for the show because it’s all about larger-than-life characters.” Although Federline’s “real” fans should not be counted out — X17 snuck cameras into his recent House of Blues show, and caught Kevin leading an (unironically) cheering crowd in a chorus of — if I’m hearing this right — “Fuck K-Fed.” I’m not sure I completely understand the context, but about halfway through the film someone holds a Long Island iced tea up in the air, and that’s really all the explanation I need.

November 24, 2006 at 6:56 pm by Evil Beet

0Jimmy Kimmel’s K-Fed Haterade

Check out Kimmel’s mucho funny Federline-drowning monologue at last night’s AMAs.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO6mhwcYC8E]

November 22, 2006 at 7:50 pm by Evil Beet

1Late-Night Links

Britney Spears and K-Fed briefly reunite to jointly issue one last depressing statement: they did not make a sex tape. [Agent Bedhead]

Somehow — somehow — Wesley Snipes has managed to compare his tax evasion indictment to rape and accuse the federal government of racism in a single well-advised statement sent via email to a columnist for the Orlando Sentinel. [E! Online]

I still haven’t figured out who this Katie “Jordan” Price person is, but she’s selling her implants on eBay. [Hollyscoop]

Will Smith homeschools his kids, because he knows everything. [Junkiness]

Kristin Cavallari has found someone even less famous than Brody Jenner to date, her Revenge of the Nerds “co-star,” Nick Zano. [Superficial Girls]

November 22, 2006 at 5:49 am by Evil Beet

1God Help Us All

It’s like the perfect storm.

[At the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas]

November 20, 2006 at 5:03 pm by Evil Beet

2Cleaning up the Weekend

Britney Spears and her new extensions score with the Vegas casinos and possibly Mario Lopez. Some other bloggers may refer to Lopez as a star of Saved by the Bell and, more recently, Dancing with the Stars. I will, now and always, refer to him as the jackass who married the Doritos girl and then cheated on her three days after the wedding. Come on, Brit. You can do better. [Faded Youth]

Kimberley Stewart denies having a liver disease, agrees with me that her father crossed the line by a good solid mile. “I love my dad but sometimes he has a big mouth, and not just when he’s singing. I don’t have a liver disease.” [Celebrity Smack]

Why bother getting raped when you can just pay to have sex with Mike Tyson? Heidi Fleiss says she has hired the boxer as an “employee” of her planned Nevada brothel for female clientele. [Tabloid Whore]

I know I give her a hard time, but I’ll be honest: Katharine McPhee looks killer in these recent photo shoots. [Pop on the Pop]

Okay, it’s over. I have been putting off saying this for a really long time — even though I saw it coming — because it’s saddening to me, and it feels like the end of a truly glorious era. But it’s happened, and there’s no more denying it: Pamela Anderson looks old. [Teddy and Moo]

November 20, 2006 at 7:14 am by Evil Beet

6Picking up the Pieces

Oh hells no! Britney removes K-Fed from her top 12 on MySpace. That’s what you get for writing mean things about her on shower walls, Kevin. [Faded Youth]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are turned away from the London world premiere of Casino Royale, after someone very wise determined that perhaps Queen Elizabeth should not share a red carpet with a world-renowned cokehead. [Agent Bedhead]

Madonna confirms that she plans to adopt a baby girl from Malawi, in order to “redress the balance” in her family. Madonna says things like “redress” because she’s British. Oh wait. [Dirty Laundry]

Donald Trump is going to be a grandpa. Sadly, it’s not because Lance Armstrong knocked up Ivanka. [The Bosh]

Madame Tussaud’s unveils the new Ashlee Simpson wax likeness. What’s that? Oh, I’m told that’s actually Ashlee Simpson. [Celebrity Smack]

Okay, so, in college, some friends and I determined that Sexual Misadventures with Kimmy Gibbler would be, hands-down, the best band name ever. My reasons for mentioning this now are twofold. First, it’s still true, and someone should get on that. Second, Bob Saget actually makes reference to sex with Kimmy Gibbler in this clip of his stand-up, where he sings “Danny Tanner Is Not Gay” to the tune of the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want it That Way.” [BWE]

Are you ready to masturbate to sneakers? Reebok sure hopes so. They’ve hired Scarlett to co-create a line of footwear and apparel and star in the ad campaign. [IDLYITW]

Finally! It’s time for the Reese Witherspoon love interest rumors! Up first: Jake Gyllenhaal. [Hollywood Grind]

November 16, 2006 at 4:06 am by Evil Beet