Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

What is going on with Brian Austin Green? This whole story about Mr. Megan Fox is extremely fishy. Here goes:

Back in 2000, Brain Austin Green and Vanessa Marcil started dating. I mean they had been on 90210 together and one thing led to another and they started dating. While they were dating, Brian says that Vanessa asked to borrow some money.

So, on four separate occasions he lent her $50,000 for a total of $200K. Then she got pregnant with their child. Brian says that the deal was whenever he needed the money he would notify her and she would pay him back.

Well, 11 years later and he wants his money back. I guess 2011 was a bad year for BAG because he says he asked Vanessa for the money in November and she said no. She claims it is a gift.

Waiting 11 years seems like a really long time to collect on a debt and I don’t think he is going to be able to do anything about it. BAG must be really desperate for cash to go after the mother of his child. He has not needed it for a decade, but suddenly now he needs it?

First of all, I barely knew Brian Austin Green had a son (named Kassius, since you were wondering).

I did remember that he had dated Tiffani-Amber Thiessen—thanks for that info, Sassy Magazine!—but I did not know about his relationship with Vanessa Marcil, who is now 43. For whatever it’s worth, the soap actress is married and attempting to have a child with her husband: I’m not too sure now is the moment to try to wring her of $200K.

I did know that Brian Austin Green briefly pursued a career in music. I did not know he released an album, “One Stop Carnival,” as a rapper.

My take? Brian Austin Green is weird. This whole rumor is weird. Is it some sort of “spousal support” thing?

I don’t exactly have my nose in Megan Fox’s finances, but I’m pretty sure she has the moolah to help her husband out. I wonder why he suddenly feels entitled to two hundred grand from a former flame.

…because I’d really love to know. There has to be some good reason that this grown woman in bedazzled Uggs is hanging off her elderly husband, ass popped out in the air like she’s getting paid for it.

These two classy folks were snapped yesterday on their way to get some lunch. The rest of the pics are just as good. (more…)

“[Marriage is] the one thing that I was really specific in waiting for until I was with somebody that I knew that I would be right with and she’s the one … She [Megan] makes me happy and a better person. She’s everything. There’s nice stability that comes with getting married. It’s a nice thing to know that I’ll come home to her and she’ll come home to me. It’s not the paper so much – it’s saying the vows and meaning it.”

Well, well, well. Brian Austin Green, Megan Fox’s husband, did an interview along with his wife for People magazine. Can you fucking believe it? I thought along with the those balls of his that she she locked up his larynx and vocal chords, too.

Good for you, Brian!

“When I talk about my husband [Brian Austin Green], I feel as if people roll their eyes. It’s like when you’re 16 and order a martini, and the waiter says, ‘Do you think I’m stupid?’ They can’t grasp that I’m old enough to be married.”

Megan Fox, quite possibly one of my favorite celebrities of all time, talking about how people don’t take her seriously. Heh. Got you on that one, didn’t I? But the joke’s really on Megan. We don’t roll our eyes at your marriage, Meg. We roll our eyes whenever you open your mouth. That’s all.

Late last month, Megan Fox wed her on-again-off-again boyfriend Brian Austin Green in a small ceremony. While the marriage itself seems like it’s going to be a horrible idea (don’t you think they kinda just got married to ‘get it over with’? Like, they somehow thought they’d stop breaking up if they finally got hitched?), the ring, which was just spotted yesterday, is pretty gorgeous.

Assuming that rock is real and Megan didn’t buy it for herself, it says a lot about BAG’s ability to scrimp and save. With that guy working as little as he does, you know he used some of his David Silver money to pay for that diamond.

I’ll let you draw conclusions as to who’s who in this scenario, since you all probably have some pretty hardcore opinions on the vanity of both Megan Fox and now-husband, Brian Austin Green. But yeah. Megan Fox and long-term boyfriend, Brian Austin Green — or “Bag,” as he’s known in my circle of friends — were married “late last week,” according to sources.

The couple tied the knot on Hawaii’s Big Island, where there was said to be only six other people in attendance, which is mildly unsurprising since Fox is a self-proclaimed anthropophobic, and Bag probably hasn’t had any real live friends since Beverly Hills 90210.

Meg and Brian moved pretty stealthily on this one, too: the two were only confirmed to be engaged like, what, a week ago or something?

It’s a shame we didn’t know about this sooner. I’d have liked to have seen photos of the, ah, virginal Fox wearing a white sheath, and Bag’s ankles handcuffed to Fox’s, since that’s probably the only way he could keep her in one place for a minute. The dude probably still can’t believe his “luck.”

I wonder if Foxy dropped (and lost!) her wedding band in the sand, too. Bad omens are upon us, guys. Bad, bad omens indeed.