Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Bret Michaels

Quotables: Bret Michaels Is A Horrible Influence

A photo of Pierce Brosnan, Charlie Sheen, Matt Sorum, and Bret Michaels

“I can say this about Charlie right now. Charlie has been nothing but a great friend to me, nothing but a great friend. I showed him how to destroy a hotel room, and he showed me how to edit and work on film. It was great.”

- Beautiful Bret Michaels bragging on his bro, Charlie Sheen.

Was it really that “great,” Bret?  Because if you taught him how to destroy a hotel room, then all you did was teach him how to kick off his biggest downward spiral yet.  I thought you were better than that, Bret, but I guess you were right all along – every rose does have its thorns.  Lesson learned.

Divorce Watch: Tish Finley-Cyrus Had An Affair With Bret Michaels

photo of tish finley cyrus miley cyrus mom bret michaels girlfriend pictures

After reading this story and relating it to you guys, I’m going to head to the kitchen to soak my eyes in a nice, tall, acidic glass of orange juice, and throw a giant dollop of vodka in there for good measure. Then I’m going to swish the eyes around in the glass (carefully, mind you; hard to do this shit with, you know, no eyes), suck the entire thing back – eyes and all – and let the whole mess digest in my stomach. Because the eyes? They’re so much better off down there, closer to my own bowels, than of the bowels of this story, which are sure to get blacker and stinkier before things get better.

Apparently Billy Ray Cyrus was the one who filed for divorce against his wife of a few decades, Tish Finley-Cyrus, because she couldn’t keep it in her pants, and had a long-standing affair with Bret Michaels, who Miley Cyrus has an odd musical affinity for. Or maybe … aw, fuck no, I’m not going down that road. But I will say, who knows – maybe these crazy sumbitches really do keep it all in the family. So, yeah. Gross. From Us Weekly:

Michaels, 47, “became close to the entire family” this past February when he and Miley released the racy duet “Nothing to Lose,” an insider tells Us Weekly.

He and Tish, 43, soon began carrying on an on-the-sly romance, sources tell Us Weekly. Tish was seen at Michaels’ Feb. 28 show at the Key Club in L.A., and he had once asked her production company’s help to adapt his book, Roses & Thorns, into a movie.

“Billy Ray was completely unaware of what was going on,” the source says of the “Achy Breaky Heart” crooner, who is seeking joint custody of their three minor children, Miley (who turns 18 Nov. 23), Braison, 16, and Noah, 10. (They have three older children from previous relationships.)

Though a rep for Michaels refutes the allegations, telling Us Weekly, “There has never been an affair or a fling,” and a rep for Tish also denies the dalliance, the Cyrus source insists, “It was a professional relationship that turned into something more.”

So there you have it guys. They’re clearly sleeping together. Like, as we speak. While listening to “Achy, Breaky Heart.” On a zebra-print rug in front of Bret’s heart-shaped, rose-adorned bed.

… Git your glasses ready, Shep … I’m on my way out the kitch’n and I’ma headin’ for that big ol’ bottle!

Bret Michaels Gets Busted For Drugs …

And I am still not going to hate on him.

Here’s what happened.  Bret has two buses, and they got pulled over in Indiana last night because they didn’t have any trailer tag lights.  Bret Michaels let the officers do an open search of the buses, and drug dogs found weed on both buses.  They also found “a quantity of Schedule II controlled substances” on the bus that Bret wasn’t on.  Nobody was arrested, but charges were sent to the prosecutor’s office, so we’ll see how everything turns out.

When I first saw the “Bret Michaels!  Busted!  Drugs!” headlines, I was pretty bummed, I’m not gonna lie.  I had this horrible image of cops rushing on to the bus to find Bret Michaels cowered naked in the tiny bathroom with a lighter and a spoon.  But if he just had weed, then that’s fine.  People can say all they want about how it’s still an illegal substance and you have to respect the law and it can destroy your life, but really?  The dude has a hole in his heart, just let him get high on his bus if he wants to.