32LeAnn Rimes Is a Total Bitch, Was Never Remorseful For Affair, Says Brandi Glanville

It’s heeeere – your first LeAnn Rimes/Brandi Glanville/Eddie Cibrian post on my watch. Hopefully it’ll be your last, as well, but no promises. All I can do is try my best, people. Anyway, we all know the story: Eddie cheated on Brandi during their marriage with that anorexic harlot LeAnn (who was also cheating on her now ex-husband, as well) and it caused a whole hell of a lot of trouble and spawned far too many stories in the press that no one really cared about. But wait, there’s more! Apparently, LeAnn didn’t give a shit about tearing Brandi’s family apart (uh, duh?)!

From a new interview with Glamour:

“When I’m home alone on a holiday and LeAnn is tweeting pictures with my children, it breaks my heart,” she said. “One way I hear from LeAnn is she’ll text me – hurtful things like, ‘I can’t wait to make your kids lunches and go to soccer…’

“Marriages break up all the time. People have affairs. Happens every day. It matters how you handle yourself after and if you’re actually remorseful. I’ve never found LeAnn to be remorseful. I found her to be like, ‘Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah, I got your family’.”

Sure, LeAnn sounds like a total bitch, but unfortunately Brandi is just coming off as desperate and pitiful, using this years-old affair to keep herself at all relevant and in the public eye. Of course LeAnn has no remorse! If she did, she wouldn’t have cheated on her own husband with another married man! I don’t know why Brandi is acting like she wants the D so bad anyway, since Eddie apparently couldn’t even get it up half the time.

“My heartache probably lasted a lot longer than it should have, because in the old days, you broke up with someone, you never saw them again,” she said. “You’re not seeing pictures of how in love they are. I started to drink too much. I would cry all day.”

Well, you’re not exactly helping yourself by talking about them to every magazine, paper and stray dog that will listen. The stuff this woman will share with the public in order to generate a story is a hot mess. Girl, you’re in the danger zone. I never thought I’d say this, but take a note from LeAnn. Go get yourself some bikinis to live in – even in the winter – and pretend you had no idea there were paparazzi around to snap your picture.

February 6, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer

69Quotables: Eddie Cibrian’s a 9 in the Bedroom … When He Can Get It Up

Eddie had started taking Propecia, like many men, because he was concerned about hair loss. He had fantastic hair, but who was I to sideline his vanity? … This particular drug [Propecia] had nasty side effects – including ones that happened in the bedroom. I knew he was concerned about his hairline, but momma needed something h**d. I was not down for a limp d**k and gave him an ultimatum: It was the Propecia or me! Eddie never took well to being cornered or criticized. So it was no surprise when he immediately shot back that my lady business wasn’t what it used to be.

—Brandi Glanville, again, from her book Drinking & Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders, talking about her ex-husband‘s impotence in the bedroom that occurred because of a hair-regrowth agent.

Of course, I don’t mean to laugh, because laughing at a man’s lack of performance in the bedroom just isn’t all that nice, but this is Eddie Cibrian that we’re talking about here, and he is quite a piece of crap, if you ask me.

… But then, you have to wonder—did Eddie step out on Brandi because of her creepy “Momma needs something hard” references? Because that’s just f-cking creepy. … Creepy, in case you didn’t get it the first go-round—and I’m talking cringing creepiness, here, guys. And mean. That’s pretty mean, too. And now, I’m not saying that Brandi emotionally abusing Eddie is a good excuse to be sleeping around on your wife, but it sure isn’t the worst one I’ve ever heard, either.

Who knows—maybe LeAnn gave Eddie some good (sexual) healing that Brandi just … well, didn’t.

January 31, 2013 at 10:30 am by Sarah

172Brandi Glanville Refaced Her Vagina, Made Eddie Cibrian Pay for It

In an excerpt from her new book, Drinking & Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders, our favorite reality show star, Brandi Glanvillle, talked subjects like “rejuvenating” her vagina, how Eddie waffled between her and LeAnn from the early beginnings of his affair, and what the end result of all the cheating was.

About her vagina, Brandi said:

I decided that since Eddie had ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one. I gave [the doctor's office] Eddie’s credit card number. This pretty intense surgery had an even more intense price tag: $12,000. A brand-new vagina would be an Eddie-free vagina.

And prior to purging Eddie from her ladyparts, she discussed what it was like finding out that her husband had an affair with the one, the only—LeAnn Rimes:

I’m not entirely sure how I ended up on the floor of my closet sobbing … a teary-eyed Eddie found me lying there. Minutes later, and without saying so much as a word, he started kissing me all over … and we started having sex right there. He swore up and down my body that it wasn’t true … that it was completely innocent. In that moment, it was easier to believe him, because I just couldn’t stand the thought of being without him.

Later in the book, it was revealed how Eddie and LeAnn’s behavior immediately changed after coming clean about the affair, and Brandi also addressed a cake frosting incident that happened at one of the new couple’s first public appearances together:

LeAnn had ‘accidentally’ smeared some cake frosting on her top (she was still a bigger girl and completely flat-chested at the time) and asked my husband, not realizing that I was standing behind the both of them, if he wanted lick it off her. This woman asked my husband if he wanted to eat the frosting mess she’d dropped on her nonexistent chest? He hadn’t realized I was there, either, and he laughed with hungry eyes at the suggestion.

Last, Brandi talked about how the affair had sent her into a “tail-spin” that ultimately resulted in a DUI arrest:

[Eddie] promised he would never marry LeAnn, but that was just one of the countless lies he told me. … I was a jobless, homeless, mother of two living out of her $1,200-a-month SUV and couch-surfing from one hospitable friend to the next. After my divorce — even with the help of Lexapro — I fell into a bit of a tailspin [and an eventual DUI arrest]. … White wine became my constant shoulder to lean on.

Gosh, guys. The more I hear about Brandi Glanville and her side of the story, the more I pity her. I mean, it’s crazy. I pity her for more reasons than I pity LeAnn Rimes, and though I pity LeAnn Rimes for an entirely different array of causes, it’s still quite a bit. What a f-cking hot mess of a situation, you know? I love it so, so much.

January 30, 2013 at 7:30 am by Sarah

86LeAnn Rimes is Really, Really Sad About Brandi Glanville’s Mean Comments

Oh LeAnn Rimes. It’s probably so, so hard to be you. Brandi Glanville always hovering about and making sure you’re not accidentally feeding her children laxatives, being bullied because you stole a lady’s husband … I can’t even imagine the trials and tribulations you must have to endure on a daily basis for being a completely innocent, delicate little flower of a woman.

Don’t worry, though, girl. One day, you’ll have it all: you’ll have a man who loves you and respects you for you and not your bank account, a few little rugrats of your own to whom you can mistakenly feed Ex-Lax, and the self-respect that goes along with being an upstanding, decisive woman who doesn’t walk all over people and doesn’t let people walk all over her, either. It’ll be there one day, girl, so just keep on keeping on and clutching at your creepy friend, Lizzy. Not because, you know, the Lizzy thing’s going to make any difference, but because it’s mildly entertaining in a scary sort of way. That’s all.

January 29, 2013 at 9:30 am by Sarah

4Quotables: Brandi Glanville Really Doesn’t Hold Back

“She can go f-ck herself! Well, she has to, because who would want to?”

- Brandi Glanville asks a catty question that she forgets has a very simple answer.

But ok, this is getting weird. Because we’re in this space now where both Brandi and LeAnn keep talking about each other, and then they keep talking about how the other woman won’t stop talking about her. It’s starting to get a little confusing. I feel like the next time we see LeAnn do an interview, she’s going to talk about Brandi because Brandi won’t stop talking about her talking about her talking about her. This cycle can be endless, and it just needs to stop.

By the way though, Brandi said that little thing about LeAnn at a recent book signing – her book, of course, mentions LeAnn. She also had something to say about Eddie and LeAnn’s affair:

“I did everything right. I loved so hard. I loved my children and my family was perfect. I did everything I could do for him and the boys and to make him not want to stray. So, when it happened, especially with someone as attractive as her…”

I’m sorry, it’s getting a little too catty in here. If you need to take a break, I understand.

Anyway, Brandi also said that when she’s done promoting her book, “I promise I’m closing this chapter of my life.” And I think that’s really, really unlikely, but I guess we can all dream, right?

January 29, 2013 at 5:30 am by Emily

12Quotables: Brandi Glanville Can Talk About Sex With Eddie Cibrian, Too!

I would say he’s a nine. I was with him for 13 years. I wouldn’t stay if it wasn’t, like, a total package. … He, at this point, [however] … I care about him as the father of my children … [but] even if we’re in the same room, he makes my skin crawl.

OK, taking the whole cheating thing out of this equation, because Eddie and LeAnn both are disgusting human beings in their own very special ways for doing what they did, and going about it in the way that … well, they did, there’s still something of importance that we need to address, OK?

We need to address just how … how … I don’t know how else to say this other than “anti-feminist” … it is that Brandi Glanville and LeAnn Rimes could be so pathetic to talk about what a sex god Eddie Cibrian is, in spite of everything that’s happened. I can’t even take it. It seriously puts a lump in my throat, and it’s not welled-up emotion that’s in there, guys—it’s f-cking bile. It’s the shit that gives me heartburn, and before any of you go ahead and say, “Well, Sarah, that doesn’t seem to be all that healthy, getting acid indigestion from three people who have no bearing on your life whatsoever,” I’m going to address that part right now: see, I have to share a f-cking planet with all of you people, and I’m sorry, but I have certain expectations. Like not being pathetic wretches who publicly battle for the same flaccid, overworked penis, and then worship said penis for years to come, even when one of those wretches “loses.” Right about now, Eddie Cibrian probably thinks he’s just God’s gift to trashy women the world over, and I’m sorry, but that bothers me in a big way.

Also, can I secretly hope that LeAnn Rimes looks at these photos (whether on this website or another) of Eddie and Brandi and it makes her nuts? Is that one of those horrible-person things to do? Because I’m going to do it anyway. These three people, guys. I don’t even know anymore.

January 23, 2013 at 7:30 am by Sarah