These photos are of a very sultry Brad Pitt, who was interviewed most recently by W magazine, where he talked topics like crying, and hotness, “dying well,” and other really rather stupid questions by the interviewer. Somebody needs to find a new job for critic Lynn Hirschberg (the, um, aforementioned interviewer), because her silly starstruckness really shows in the dialog, bloody hell.

Here’s a few excerpts, and you can read the rest of the interview at W‘s site.

Lynn Hirschberg: Which movie has made you cry?

Brad Pitt: I’m not much of a crier at films, but there was one…I was coming back from Cabo on my way to Montreal, and I got hit with Montezuma’s revenge. I could not keep anything down. I was stuck in a hotel room with no windows and was just doing what you do when you’re sick. On day two of this extremely painful episode, I watched a film called Life as a House. Kevin Kline is an architect and learns he has terminal cancer. He’s estranged from his teenage son and decides they’re going to finish this house. I don’t know if it would still hit me the same way, but on my 27th hour of pure wretchedness, this movie just crushed me. I should watch it again to see if it has the same effect.

LH: Have your parents seen you die in a movie?

BP: They would have had to. I die ­really well, by the way. It’s one of my strong points. I just take a bullet well.

LH: Do you have trouble watching yourself die?

BP: God, no. I’m just checking the boxes. Hit that. Missed that. Hit that moment. Missed that one. God, I’d like to do that one again.

LH: Do you really have characters that you’d like to do over?

BP: Um…the first 12 years of my career, I would think.

LH: No!

BP: Okay…first 11 years.

LH: What was the first role you auditioned for?

BP: My agent sent me out for two films: One of them was The Accused with Jodie Foster. I was so excited.

LH: Did you go out for the part of the rapist?

BP: Probably not. With this face, I was probably up for the guy with the conscience. I called up afterward and asked, “How did I do?” There were three seconds of silence and then: “Have you ever thought about acting classes?”

Wait, what? Brad Pitt? Acting classes? What the hell kind of alternate dimension are we talking here? Also, Lynn Hirschberg: shut up.

Me, I picked Courtney Stodden. Not only is she a true American, as you can see in the classy photo above, but we could trade makeup tips, she could show me where to get cool and stylish arm bands, and I could figure out the best, most tactful way to tell her that none of her shoes fit and it looks gross. Yes, Courtney Stodden would make a fine, fine neighbor.

But you know what? Apparently this real estate blog called Zillow does this survey every year in which they ask people which celebrity they would most like to have as a neighbor and which celebrity would be the absolute worst neighbor. And you know who was named the most desirable neighbor? The person who most people would want to have next door? Tim Tebow. Ugh, can you imagine? How boring. I’d be like “Tim, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, if you’re going to kneel and pray again, do it in your own damn yard.”

Still, good ol’ Tebow managed to bring in 11% of votes. Brad and Angelina weren’t far behind though: they got 10%. Following Brangelina was Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux at 9%, Jennifer Lopez with 6%, Beyonce and Jay-Z with 5%, and for whatever reason, Nancy Grace and Kim Kardashian tied with 4% of the votes. The remainder of the vote was split between “other” and “none of the above,” though I can’t figure out why the survey would have both of those choices.

But what about the survey for the least desirable neighbor? How would that vote turn out? For me, my neighbors in real life have had loud screaming matches that I can hear every word of from my apartment (it’s two couples living in a two bedroom apartment, and one of the dudes has a lady on the side that his lady in the apartment has a pretty good idea about), they do laundry for 40 hours straight (I counted), and they left dog feces wrapped in a napkin in front of our window, and that was just this week! So I can’t really think of any celebrity worse than that, so … wait. Courtney Love sets things on fire in her home. That might be worse.

According to America, however, the cast of Jersey Shore win the highest honors with 28% of voters naming them the worst neighbors. Next is Charlie Sheen with 21%, Lindsay Lohan with 14%, Kim Kardashian with 13%, Nancy Grace and Brad and Angelina are tied at 3%, Anthony Weiner had 2% of votes, and the rest, again, were either “other” or “none of the above.”

But what about you, friends? Is there any celebrity that you think would be a delight to have as a neighbor, or any that would be absolutely horrible? Are you still trying to figure out why any number of people would want to live next to Jennifer Lopez? Because I’m there too. We don’t have to be alone in this.

Actually, I might have made a mistake in that headline up there. See, I think that the relationship between Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill might not be so much a BFF thing as a bromance thing. It’s a slight difference, I know, but I think it’s an important one. And I think that these two have crossed that line and are now in the midst of a full-fledged, super adorable, “dude, have we hugged for too long?” bromance.

The relationship began, presumably, when Brad and Jonah teamed up to make Moneyball. From how Jonah tells it, it seems like things got real serious real quick when Brad did Jonah a major favor by letting him sleep over at his house for four months:

“Brad [Pitt] is the coolest guy,” Hill, 28, told Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. “It sucks because he’s so handsome… You don’t wanna like him so much!”

“I was shooting [21 Jump Street] in New Orleans, and he let me live in his house,” the actor said. “He said, ‘Go live there!’ I said, ‘I’m there for three-and-a-half, four months,” and he said, ‘That’s cool. Live at my house.’ Like, he’s the nicest guy.”

“Was Angie home?” Stewart, 49, asked jokingly. “Is he that cool?”

“He isn’t that cool,” Hill laughed.

Brad let Jonah stay because on certain nights, nights when life with Angelina got too hard, when the kids got too loud, he could get away down in Louisiana. He could make up some excuse – some reshoot needed to be done, some sort of press thing – just to get away to be with someone who he could talk to. Someone he could … oh no, am I confusing bromances with romances again? Oh, Emily! You wacky girl!

But really, these two could actually be new best friends, judging by the story above and also this story about how Brad showed up and Jonah’s birthday party. You guys!

Jonah Hill’s 28th birthday party at La Descarga in Hollywood was quite the star-studded affair. A source tells Us Weekly that Hill’s Moneyball costar Brad Pitt came out for the bash, as did Angelina Jolie and Zooey Deschanel.

Pitt, 48, and Jolie, 36, stayed for about two hours at the fete. “They danced a little bit,” adds the source. “Angelina had a glass of wine in her hand.”

The couple — who let Hill live in their New Orleans home for four months while he was filming 21 Jump Street — left around 12:30 a.m., right before the dance party got crazy.

So you see, maybe, just maybe when Brad retires in three years or so, he can take some time to look up his old friend, Jonah Hill. He could take some time to remember what it’s like to form a strong, solid friendship with another man. He could remember what it’s like to feel the rough and rugged but somehow still tender touch of a big ol’ pair of man hands caressing his face with love and adoration. He could find serenity in his embrace, find … GODDAMNIT I’M DOING IT AGAIN.

HuffPo calls this interview “awkward,” but I think it’s just sort of… surly? Flippant? Yeah, flippant. Brad Pitt was 27 when he taped this interview with Entertainment Tonight, but he sounds more like a rebellious high schooler.

To wit: what is with the bandana he’s wearing under his jaunty ballcap? Do you see how it’s so carefully folded? The print, meticulously centered? Do you see how it matches Brad’s shirt? That bandana was a terrible decision.

On the bright side, this is the most early 90s video I have ever seen. My favorite part is when he fidgets, and suddenly you realize he’s holding a basketball. A basketball. During his interview. For the duration of the interview, he is fidgeting with an undersized basketball.

Pitt was visiting ET, I think to promote his ill-fated television series Glory Days which, you know, that was his first major role like ever. So he was a completely unproven actor when the interview was taped—he was, literally, just another pretty face—so I can sort of appreciate why he seems so edgy and irritable.

“You seem to want to be taken seriously,” the interviewer finally says to him. Listen, woman: in five years you are going to go see Se7en in the movie theater, and you are going to be floored.

Brad Pitt, vindicated!

I have never actually watched all of David Lynch’s Eraserhead—you know, because it’s in black-and-white, and I only watch movies in color—but I have heard that it is seminal. Seminal. Apparently it’s about a man with some hair.

Brad Pitt mines his inner Eraserhead on the cover of next week’s New York Times Magazine. Pitt quipped that he was channeling “Peter Lorre—with a dose of Kramer.” Apt! And whoever aquanetted Brad’s hair should be commended, because the height on that blond Beavis beehive is just marvelous.

You can check out a video of Brad Pitt doing his best Henry Spencer impression over here, but I dunno, man. If I were you, I’d skip to the (horrific) Gary Oldman video instead—or any of the other 11. Check out the photo gallery and corresponding essay by A.O. Scott while you’re at it.

Brad Pitt‘s response when asked last week how long he plans to continue starring in movies. Yep, that’s right, kids, you only have three more years ’til Brad hits the big 5-0 and considers himself too old to be tantalizing all of you in front of the cameras.

What does he plan on doing at 50? Well, he’s not sure. I mean, he wants to produce, and he claims he’ll come back maybe one time to play “a foul-mouthed grumpy old dude one day,” but acting appears to be out for future plans and making films come to life is in.

Consider me bummed. I guess that means no more awesome commercials, either, huh?

See? Wasn’t that fun now? There. We checked in, alright? And you know what we found? That they’re just as boring as they were six months ago, and six months before that, and, oh, right, six months before that. They still look great, their kids are still adorable, and they’re still traveling all around the world doing admirable things with their millions and billions of dollars, all while looking casually fashionable and put together.

Can we go carbon date Courtney Stodden’s vagina now or something?

It all started when Brad made that comment about Jennifer Aniston, you know, the one where he basically said that his life wasn’t that interesting when he was married to her. Which was a totally fair statement, I think, but, of course, everyone got all upset because Jennifer is supposed to be America’s sweetheart, I think, and how could he be so mean like that? And then Brad was like “no, no, what I said was interpreted all wrong, Jen is so awesome.” You’d think that would be the end of it, but no. Brad is still apologizing.

In a Today show interview that will air Thursday, the actor continued to explain why he said, “It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself. I think that my marriage had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.”

Says Pitt to Lauer: “I don’t know what was pieced together or put together. All I know is that my point was, the best thing I’d done as a father is be sure that my kids have a good mother.”

“That’s all I was, or am, trying to say,” adds Pitt. “It has no reference to the past. And I think it’s a shame that I can’t say something nice about Angie without Jen being drug in. You know, she doesn’t deserve it.”

Pitt goes on, “I don’t wanna be encumbered by any of that. I know my intentions, and I know what I believe, and I know things get misconstrued, and I know there’s a good cycle and a good story to say we’re splitting up. And then when we don’t, they say we’ve come together again, it’s another new cycle, and then there’s a secret wedding. ‘No, that was put on hold because they’re upset.’ It’s, you know, that’s– I live outside of that, and it’s much healthier.”

When Lauer asked Pitt about the statement he released to The Hollywood Reporter and other outlets clarifying his comments, Pitt says, “I don’t want them to say anything bad like that about Jen. She’s a dear friend of mine.”

It seems like Brad really is getting an insane amount of shit for seemingly saying something negative about Jennifer Aniston, and that is so bizarre to me. I mean, it’s Jennifer Aniston, it’s not like Brad Pitt rained on Taylor Swift‘s parade at the VMAs or something. He mentioned a marriage that ended six years ago. Can we let this go already?

With all of this new Jennifer Aniston-relationship-bombshell stuff going on surrounding Brad Pitt lately, I thought it appropriate to show some photos of him in his element, i.e., with his non-wife wife, Angelina Jolie.

See, a lot of you guys had some pretty strong reactions to Brad’s recent comments about his former life with Jennifer Aniston. Some were kind of like this:

“Brad’s scum—always thought so, always will.”

Ooh. Harsh.

Then, there were others like this:

“I really used to like Brad Pitt, but the way he and Angelina try to hurt Jennifer after all these years has caused me to change my opinion of both of them, or should I say “Brangelina”. I live in Michigan, far from the glamour of Hollywood, but I think that town and all that money has caused people to become insensitive and morally bankrupt. After Jen and Brad broke up she kept her thoughts to herself for a very long time. She showed a lot of class and courage. I think I would have been curled up in the fetal position, crying hysterically and then I would probably hunt them down and make the biggest scene ever. I am sure the police would at some point have to intervene. And now Angelina tried to get the part in a new movie starring Justin Theroux. How junior high school is that? They need to just stop trying to rub their affair in her long ago healed wound. Oh, btw, stop dragging your kids around all over the globe. They need some place to call home.”

But my favorite so far was probably this:

” … people six years ago were freaking out wondering why such a thing [Brad and Jen's breakup] would happen, and everyone was pissed off because brad pitt wouldn’t say a damn thing to the press as to why their marriage went belly up, cheating allegations aside. stuff comes up sometiems, and though it doesn’t make it right, pitt had his reasons for wanting the marriage to end whether it was because he was borning, jenn was boring or otherwise. people asked why it happened and brad answered. was he supposed to pretend for the sake of jens feelings? i’m sure it was somethign she was probably aware of anyway.”

It was my favorite, because I suppose I agreed with it the most. Think about it. When all of this stuff went down, it wasn’t really long before Aniston was blabbing all over the place about it. And Brad kept his mouth closed, whether it was because he felt it was no one else’s business, or because he felt he was in the wrong. We’ll never know the motivations behind it. And I’m not condoning what allegedly happened between Brad and Angelina, but guys, things happen. And that’s easy for me to say on this side of it, and my reactions might be different if I were on the receiving end of what happened to Jennifer Aniston, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t change the truth – things happen. And Brad was hounded for how many years to give an answer as to why he ditched “America’s Sweetheart.” To those people, you got your answer, I suppose. You may not like it, but same as the situation, it is what it is, you know? Can we still love Brad Pitt for who he is?

Remember Brad Pitt said this yesterday about ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston, more or less calling her sadsack ass dull?:

“ … I wasn’t living an interesting life myself. I think that my marriage [to actress Jennifer Aniston] had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.”

Well, he’s changing his mind. Now he’s saying that his quote was misinterpreted, and that he actually meant that she was wonderful, amazing, talented, and whatever else her emotional training coach forced Brad to say to the public or face the wrath of bitter tears and a new boyfriend’s heinous beard. Example:

“It grieves me that this was interpreted this way. Jen is an incredibly giving, loving, and hilarious woman who remains my friend. It is an important relationship I value greatly. The point I was trying to make is not that Jen was dull, but that I was becoming dull to myself — and that, I am responsible for.”

But what about the part about pretending that the marriage was something that it wasn’t? Or that that directly had something to do with his life being “dull,” as he said? I’m glad he “clarified” for us, but I’m not really sure exactly what it is that he clarified.

“I spent the ‘90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony. I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic. It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself. I think that my marriage [to actress Jennifer Aniston] had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.”

Am I the only one on the face of the earth who didn’t love Jennifer Aniston – or Friends – at some point? I cringe every time I see the show’s set as some kind of non-living testament to the nineties, and you know what? I have the same reaction to Brad Pitt’s ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston. And apparently he does, too. Kind of those “What was I thinking?“-type reactions. One of those looking-back-and-sort-of-laughing-uncomfortably things. I know a lot of you revere Jennifer Aniston as one of the greatest sitcom actresses to ever grace the small screen, but guys? I just don’t see it, and I never will, OK? Can we finally put that to bed now?

And I just about peed when I saw this on my internet scouring earlier this morning. Our friends over at the Berry unearthed this totally bizarre, totally retro commercial featuring the talented Brad Pitt really flexing his acting chops. And by “flexing his acting chops,” I mean “I LOVE PRINGLES YES I DO ESPECIALLY THE RANCH ONES.”

Have you guys ever seen this video? More importantly, what are your favorite flavor of Pringles?

Here are some other classic Brad Pitt commercial appearances:

Brad’s Levi’s commercial

Brad’s Honda commercial

Sigh. He’s so talented.