I don’t know if you could tell, but I’ve really hit my stride with these blind items. So far, I’ve uncovered Lea Michele‘s close relationship with cocaine, I’ve revealed to the world that Anne Hathaway‘s boyfriend is worshipping Satan, and I’ve warned you that Chris Kattan is fond of showcasing his junk in gyms. I’ve done a lot of good so far, right? Well, here’s my latest deed, because I’m about to expose a leg humper.
This still barely hanging on to A list comic actor who is supposedly a devoted family man has been accused several times recently on his movies for acting inappropriately with female co-stars. They say that in the guise of being funny he will often rub his peen against women and does this with or without pants and the whole time does it in public and while laughing. He says he is just joking around but it seems to only be done when there are attractive women around and he never does it to a name actress only to those with lesser parts.
August 20, 2011 at 4:00 pm by Emily
Man, I don’t know what it is, but I sure do love blind items featuring cocaine! Not only that, but I love talking trash about Lea Michele, and with this particular blind item, I get to do both! Are you not so excited for me?!
Which Glee actress who does not think she has a coke problem is out of control with her coke problem. It will be interesting to see if she can make it through the season without rehab.
Lea. Lea Lea Lea. Name me one other actress from Glee, and if you can actually do that, then name one whose bad attitude and bitch face can be at least partially explained by cocaine. Can you do it? All right, then I’m going to go ahead and christen Lea “Cokey von Crackstein, Dutchess of Methstonia.” Can you dig it?
August 7, 2011 at 9:00 am by Emily
I’m getting more comfortable with this blind item business. I feel pretty confident that I got that last one right, and if I didn’t get this one here right, then at least I know it’s not for lack of trying. Are you ready? Ok, here it is:
This girl-next-door actress better hold on tight to her rosary beads because her new beau’s buddies are into sex rituals, witchcraft and devil worship! The star has been trying to kick her goody-two-shoes image for years, but she has no idea about this guy’s dark side.
Anne Hathaway, right? She’s one of the first people that comes to mind with the “girl-next-door” and “goody-two-shoes” descriptors, and she’s definitely been trying to shed that image. Plus I’m pretty confident that the rosary beads bit is a clue, and Anne is/was Catholic, and I know that because I spent a good half hour researching Catholic celebrities, and when I saw her name I remembered that time that she broke up with the Church after her brother came out. Also, her boyfriend could totally be into sex rituals and witchcraft, maybe that’s what happened to her nipples.
Any other guesses?
August 3, 2011 at 7:30 am by Emily
I feel a little confident with this blind item, you guys. I know, usually I’m real bad at these, but this one is about Saturday Night Live, and I know me some Saturday Night Live. Ready? Here’s our item:
Which closeted former “SNL” star is getting a bad reputation at spas and gyms around Hollywood for his illegal sexual activities? The once-married actor has been caught pleasuring himself in front of other male patrons, and it’s just a matter of time before he’s publicly exposed!
Chris Kattan, right? It’s got to be him – remember that time he married his girlfriend and they got separated eight weeks later? Homosexual tendencies, everybody. I’m pretty sure it’s hard to make it through a hetero marriage when you have those.
Some people are also saying Eddie Murphy: he was married twice, but the second one wasn’t legal. I’m not so sure about this one. He has children with four different ladies (one of which is a Spice Girl), which seems a little off for a gay dude, right?
Any other guesses, friends?
July 29, 2011 at 4:30 am by Emily
Today has been a super downer: the universe has once again grown frowzy, it seems.
So let us self-medicate with Celebrity Gossip’s shallowest-working salve, the “Blind Item.” (I’m totally a doctor! Like, a smut pharmacist! A philanthropist, even! You’re welcome.)
Below are four Blind Items, prescribed to soothe.
These sibling stars that started out as child actors are so jealous to compete with one another for roles that their relationship is completely ruined. One is getting more parts than the other and that has been the cause of the rift. The one that isn’t as successful is developing a drug problem. Very sad.
I just got the giggles picturing Tia and Tamera Mowry, though: “God, Tia! Why do you always have to be right about everything!!” *shoots up* (OK, I wrote that last night; it’s less funny today. Frowzy.)
July 23, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Jenn
This isn’t a conventional Blind Item at all—in fact, it’s an anonymously-written email, published by an advice columnist. Who could the email be referencing, though?
In the letter, a down-on-her-luck gal claims that back in high school she went steady with a now-successful “recording artist”:
Things were going well between us until his career picked up toward the end of our senior year. He transformed from a level-headed, compassionate guy into someone shallow and self-absorbed. When he broke off our relationship, his words were, “I can’t see you fitting into this kind of lifestyle and the crowd I’m now going to be rolling with.” I was pregnant at the time (I never told him) but ended up miscarrying.
So that happened, and they never spoke again. She never went to college, which she regrets, and she blames both the guy and her own broken heart. Now, years later, the singer’s representatives have contacted the woman because OH MY GOD SHE HAS NUDIE PICS OF HIM. They’re begging her to get rid of the photos. And the photos are still on the old computer in her mother’s basement!
So, she concludes her letter to the advice columnist, should she sell naked photographs of her famous ex to the tabloids?
Signed, “A Woman Scorned.”