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Blind Item

4Blind Item: Christina Aguilera Is An Angry Drunk

A photo of Christina Aguilera

Every now and then, there’s a blind item that I can figure out. And, I’ll admit it, I get a little cocky. I’ll post the picture of the celebrity I think the blind item refers to instead of that creepy faceless picture, and I’ll talk a little more smack. And this is definitely one of those times.

This diva had a little too much to drink at a recent Halloween party. She was fine until someone brought up the name of another female artist. Our diva began mocking her rival. When someone made the mistake of coming to the rival’s defense, our diva went ballistic, and started screaming at them: “That bitch destroyed my career! Don’t you ever, EVER mention her name in front of me again!” The defender backed off, and everyone else gave the diva a wide berth for the rest of the evening.

Christina Aguilera obviously hasn’t put down the bottle yet, and she obviously still hates Lady Gaga for her own failures. It’s almost too easy.

Any other guesses?

November 2, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily

9Blind Item: Christina Aguilera Is A “Hot Disheveled Mess”

A photo of Christina Aguilera

Am I jumping the gun with this one? Maybe. But you let me know one other woman who fits this description, just one other woman, and I’ll take it back*.

Check out this blind item describing the recent behavior of Christina Aguilera (or whoever):

This former A list female singer and now still a great singer, but more of a hot disheveled mess with lots of money to burn would be a more accurate description. Our singer has been partying a lot. She knows she parties and she knows she has way too much drink many nights of the week. Since her significant other is not any better about partying and can’t trust him to save her if she starts to die during the night, she has a baby monitor that she takes with her wherever she goes. One goes in her room and one goes in the room of her bodyguard. Always. She leaves them on 24 hours a day just in case she forgets to turn it on before she goes to sleep. So, the various bodyguards that have come into her life the past six months or so have heard everything from the craziest loudest fights to the craziest loudest sex, to the craziest loudest snoring from a woman that has ever been heard.

Yeah. Doesn’t that just ooze Christina? Couldn’t you just see her carrying around a little baby monitor, being all “no, you don’t understand, bodyguard, I could die. I could die. You don’t understand. Where’s my boyfriend? Where’s my drink? Waaaaaah!” Because I could. I could so hard.

Any other guesses, or do you think Christina is the obvious answer?

*I’ll never take it back.

October 11, 2011 at 4:30 pm by Emily

4Blind Item: Seriously, Stop With The Plastic Surgery

We all know this tragic tale: some young girl starts out with a truly lovely face, she goes to Hollywood, gets praise for her face, a few years go by, and she ends up absolutely destroying her good looks in an effort to preserve them. It’s sad, it is, but it happens everyday. And that little story is the basis for today’s blind item:

Which perky All-American actress has had so much cosmetic surgery that producers on her comeback film added a clause in her contract that she can’t get nipped or tucked until after the movie’s release? She’s desperate to make her way back to the A-list, but movie execs fear when the film comes out no one will recognize her on the big screen.

Meg Ryan. A thousand times Meg Ryan. We all know what she’s done to her face, but just in case you need a quick reference:

A photo of Meg Ryan

Oh, Meg. Lay off the Botox and the Mellencock, and then maybe the world will be ready for another magical romcom. Do it for the fans!

Any other guesses?

September 18, 2011 at 2:00 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Blind Item, Meg Ryan

1Blind Item: Rings and Weddings and Beards, Oh My!

This is a really fun blind item (aren’t they all?) and I wanted to share the adventure with you! This one’s a little harder than some, but, in my opinion, totally worth it. Ready?

There is a rumor going around that they are ring-shopping and getting engaged. No. While she may be looking at rings, he is not. These tales of ring-shopping and wedding-planning are pure gossip supplied by her publicist to make people think that their client is every man’s dream girl. She sure is… if your dream girl would never sleep with you. You see, she is a lesbian. A very pretty lesbian, but a lesbian nonetheless. Always has been. He was her beard. Even though they are still friendly (cordial would probably be more accurate ) he still agrees to be seen with her occasionally to keep tongues wagging. It’s over, and he has moved on to another hot actress… who really does sleep with him.

Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, BOOM.

Ok, you might remember that I don’t care for Biel, but think about it. Remember that time that Justin called her the “most special person” he’s ever known and that he didn’t want to talk about the break-up because “I have to protect things that are dear to me – for instance, her”? She’s his BFF, you guys! That’s why you always see them doing bro stuff like riding bikes and jogging and looking not-so-in love. Oh, and remember this ensemble? Throw in all the rumors of Justin and Mila hooking up, and I believe I’ve just thoroughly convinced myself, at least.

What about you?

September 17, 2011 at 8:30 am by Emily

3Blind Item: Which Famous Couple Doesn’t Have Sex?

See, this blind item is neat because I’m pretty sure I’ve got it, and also because it explains a story I told you guys this week. So let’s get right to it:

This A list movie actress who got her start way back in the day on television and then did some more along the way, let it slip the other day that she and her always a B list (for one role in particular) movie actor husband have not had sex in almost five years. It is kind of ironic if you think about it.

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, and there ain’t no way you can tell me different.

See, this would explain why Sarah seemed so crazy with David Letterman the other night, and also why she flipped out with that security guard tried to give her a friendly little kiss: it had been so long since she’d received any sort of physical affection that she just couldn’t grasp what was happening. And these two have had rumored marital struggles for years, and it seems like this would be a pretty good reason for it.

DID I GET IT?!

September 9, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily

1Blind Items, Now Featuring Leg Humping!

I don’t know if you could tell, but I’ve really hit my stride with these blind items. So far, I’ve uncovered Lea Michele‘s close relationship with cocaine, I’ve revealed to the world that Anne Hathaway‘s boyfriend is worshipping Satan, and I’ve warned you that Chris Kattan is fond of showcasing his junk in gyms. I’ve done a lot of good so far, right? Well, here’s my latest deed, because I’m about to expose a leg humper.

This still barely hanging on to A list comic actor who is supposedly a devoted family man has been accused several times recently on his movies for acting inappropriately with female co-stars. They say that in the guise of being funny he will often rub his peen against women and does this with or without pants and the whole time does it in public and while laughing. He says he is just joking around but it seems to only be done when there are attractive women around and he never does it to a name actress only to those with lesser parts.

It’s Adam Sandler, right? He’s a family man, he’s not so A list anymore, and he definitely seems the type to act inappropriately with his penis. Any other guesses?

August 20, 2011 at 4:00 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Adam Sandler, Blind Item