Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Blind Item

The Best Blind Item Ever: Taylor Swift’s Pregnancy

A photo of Taylor Swift

Oh my god. Oh my god. This is crazy. If this blind item is true, then it is crazy. If the word didn’t bother me in this context, I would call it positively juicy. It’s that good.

From Blind Gossip:

This popular young celebrity is pretty and personable and every marketer’s dream. Most marketers would flinch, though, if one of her darkest secrets was to come to light.

There was a time when she actually dated guys in whom she was genuinely interested. One of these guys was a celebrity. Like other Good Girls before her, she fell hard for him, and had a physical relationship with him. But he was just using her. She was crushed when she figured that out. Even worse, she was pregnant.

There was never a question about her having the baby. Both she and her team were absolutely panic-stricken at thought of America’s Good Girl bearing a child out of wedlock by America’s Biggest Jerk.

The baby was terminated, the couple broke up, and she went back to being America’s Good Girl. It’s one of the reasons her team has been so eager since then to have her beard for gay male celebrities since then. It’s much, much safer that way.

John Mayer knocked up Taylor Swift. Just let that one sink in for a moment. Just process it. Oh my god.

Everything fits. Taylor Swift could certainly be called America’s Good Girl, John Mayer, well, we all know how jerky he is. And the photo that Blind Gossip used for this item is some drawing of a girl with blonde hair and wings, and she very obviously looks like Taylor. And also, that bit about “the other Good Girls” before her? Jennifer Aniston, another lady who got tangled in John Mayer’s dirty web, starred in a movie called The Good Girl. BOOM.

Can you see this story being true? Because I kind of can.

Blind Items Revealed: The Return of the Cleft Chin Licker

photo of Aaron Eckhart pictures
From Blind Gossip:

Aaron Eckhart has an interesting way of picking up women. He likes to anonymously contact cleft-chinned women on a certain internet modeling site and tell them that he is interested in photographing them.

If they say “Yes!” the courtship-to-chin-licking has begun!

So Gwyneth Paltrow and Molly Sims just didn’t have the stuff to hold his attention. But if you are a tall, leggy blonde female with a cleft chin – and you post your pic on a popular modeling site – consider yourself an excellent candidate for a date with Aaron Eckhart.

Oh, and be sure to catch Aaron in Olympus Has Fallen and I, Frankenstein next year. Both are thrillers… though surely neither can compare to the thrill of having Aaron lick your chin!

Hm. So it’s not John Mayer and his sexual obsessions with Jessica Simpson and her cleft chin that we talked about all those months ago, it’s Aaron Eckhart. And hey, if I remember correctly, some of *you* guys guessed Aaron, too! Small world, isn’t it, folks?

Does this surprise you at all? Repulse you? Kind of, you know, turn you on?

Blind Item: Justin Bieber Wants His Own Action Movie

A photo of Justin Bieber

From Blind Gossip:

Lately, this young star has been making more headlines for his personal life than for his talent. Well, his handlers are desperate to deflect your attention and give you something else to talk about. So, believe it or not, his next big project will be… as the lead in a feature film!

His preference is an action film, but he will settle for a romance. Either way, he wants to prove that he is multi-talented and not a baby anymore. Turning him into an action star or a viable romantic lead would certainly accomplish that (although adults may have a tough time believing him as either one).

Since his longevity as a teen star is running out quickly, his team knows that they may only get one shot at this, that it must be successful, and that it must happen soon. They have already started reviewing scripts and taking meetings with the goal of being in pre-production Q1 2013.

Oh, please. Please, please let this happen. If Justin Bieber starred in his very own action movie, then that would make everything worth it. All the shitty things that he’s ever said and done, all the headaches I’ve gotten from rolling my eyes at him, it would all be worth it if I could have roughly one and a half hours of him running around and doing stupid stunts and acting badly. I would put up with ten more years of Bieber if I could just have that film.