3Beyoncé Releases New Music That Sounds Nothing Like Beyoncé Music

Beyoncé is gearing up for her big comeback after giving birth to the second coming, and plenty of changes are afoot. She’s shed some pounds, gone platinum blonde for her upcoming tour and to complete the package, Beyoncé has now released new music… which sounds absolutely nothing like Beyoncé music.

I’m a big fan of Queen Bey’s, musically speaking – she makes some really great pop/hip hop crossover tracks that are catchy, fun to listen and sing along do and generally send a decent enough message to young girls (not that she exists to be a role model, but you know what I mean). But somehow, hearing her sing lyrics like “don’t get it twisted, this my shit/bow down bitches” just seems disingenuous and doesn’t ring true at all. Sure, some people will argue that this is Jay-Z‘s influence on her sound, to which I say: Really? They’ve been together since 2006, so no dice on that one.

The whole thing about Beyoncé is that she’s always been – in my opinion, anyway – rather effortlessly cool. She’s smart, modern and won’t be told what to do in any sense, and I think most of her fans admire that about her. This just seems… incredibly try-hard and kind of makes me cringe. I should mention that the clip is apparently a mash up of two new tracks from her upcoming album. I’ll say this – if it’s a taste of what the entire album’s going to be like, I’ll be pretty disappointed.

March 18, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer

23Beyoncé Lost 57lbs In 3 Months After Giving Birth

How is losing nearly 60 lbs in just 3 months after shooting a baby out of your nether regions humanly possible outside of like, The Biggest Loser, where they eat about 600 calories and work out about 8 hours per day and have roughly 150 – 200+ pounds to lose, thereby making all of that easier (but still super unhealthy)? Well, that’s pretty much what Beyoncé is saying happened to her after Blue Ivy graced the world with her presence.

From Shape:

“I gained 57lbs when I was pregnant. I didn’t have a lot of time to lose the weight, because I scheduled a show three months after I gave birth, which I would never do again.

“I’m not a person that is naturally very thin. I am a person that has to work at keeping my body in shape. For me dancing is what keeps me active. Not everyone is supposed to be the same.

“Be healthy and take care of yourself, but be happy with the beautiful things that make you, you.”

Aight, I’m with the body positivity and appreciate that Bey is open about the fact that most Hollywood stars aren’t stick figures without either starving themselves and/or spending every spare second at a gym (or any other number of unsavory procedures that I probably can’t even fathom), but I also don’t believe that Beyoncé didn’t take part in that whole process if she lost 57 lbs in 3 months. I just don’t.

Of course, I’m waiting for some of y’all to pipe up with how she didn’t really lose that much because she didn’t gain that much because she was never really pregnant. I await you, naysayers. You make my days worth it.

March 16, 2013 at 4:00 pm by Jennifer

2Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Britney Spears and 11 Other Celebrities Get Hacked, Are Really Rich

Another day, another celebrity hacking. This time it’s not tits and ass we’re getting a peek at, but rather private financial information of some of Hollywood’s biggest stars (and a few politicians, too). Surprise: they’re all rich! Filthy rich!

From TMZ:

Twelve big celebs and political figures, including Jay-Z, Beyonce, are the victims of a hacker who has posted detailed information about what appears to be their finances … and we’ve learned law enforcement is on the case.

A website — we’re not disclosing the name — has posted social security numbers, mortgage amounts, credit card info, car loans, banking and other info of major celebs.  In addition to Beyonce and Jay-Z … the site has snagged financial dossiers of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson, Ashton Kutcher, Joe Biden, Robert Mueller, Hillary Clinton, Eric Holder and LAPD Chief Charlie Beck.

The site was not able to get a lot on Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton, but most of the others on the list have had their financial info compromised.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the LAPD has already launched an investigation.  We’re told the FBI is looking into it.

Damn. Donald Trump and Britney Spears were also added to this list soon after the initial report emerged. Basically nothing is private anymore, not even the financial information of big stars who can, presumably, pay or extra security measures to keep this info from getting out. It’s unclear what anyone would be able to do with this info since presumably, if you tried to steal money from these people, you’d have a damn hard time getting away with it, but maybe I’m just not up on the latest criminal approaches. Not really my scene.

I’m sure we’ll see some more celebs added to this list in the coming weeks. How much do you want to bet that since this is involving famous people, the perps will be caught and in jail by week’s end? Everyone knows Hollywood personalities are important than real crimes affecting regular people.

March 12, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer

16Beyonce Goes Platinum Blonde

Beyonce appears to be going platinum blonde for her The Mrs. Carter Show World Tour. I don’t even know what I think about this look. At least it’s a better platinum than Miley‘s blueish whiteish Golden Girls‘ Sophia Petrillo dye job.

According to Billboard the hair could be just a wig or a digital dye job. If it’s a wig, it’s odd that it would have dark roots. There haven’t been any non-promotional photos of platinum blonde B photos making the rounds, so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. The Queen B has gone blondish before.

What do you think of this platinum shade? Is it better or worse than her previous blondish hair?

March 7, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

28Beyonce’s New Sneakers Are Made From 5 Different Animals

Beyoncé commissioned a sneaker in the style of her favorite Isabel Marant sneakers that are made from 5 different animal skins. These $5,500 sneakers, “The King Bey,” for Bey by PMK!, are made from skins of snakes, stingrays, crocodiles, ostriches, and calves. Naturally, PETA isn’t psyched about this and had to say something. Of course. Here’s their statement they released,

These custom-made kicks come with a high price—and it’s paid by the various animals who were beaten and skinned alive or cruelly farmed and killed. Although most people aren’t as familiar with the types of animals (snakes, stingrays, crocodiles, and ostriches) killed for this single pair of sneakers as they are with the cats and dogs we share our homes with, these animals are highly sensitive living beings who try hard to avoid capture and suffer enormously when trapped, netted, speared, and skinned alive…

We hope that Beyoncé will choose to wear more clothes from her own clothing line—which features faux fur—and that one day, she’ll go completely cruelty-free. She can always choose the cruelty-free and “green” fashion favored by compassionate, chic celebrities such as Natalie Portman and Anne Hathaway and designers such as award-winning fashion queen Stella McCartney.

A spokesperson from PMK! (Perfectly Made Kicks) released a statement back,

No animals were beaten, harmed, or killed in the development and crafting of the “King Bey” sneaker. The exotic skins used to construct the “King Bey” sneaker were at the sole discretion of PMK and are not in association with any decisions, requests, or opinions of Beyoncé and her affiliated parties. All leather and exotic skins used by PMK are from a legal supplier in New York.

Jay-Z teamed up with PMK for, “The Brooklyn Zoo,” a sneaker also made with about 5 different skins.

Daily Mail made the informative depiction of which animal went where in the photo of the sneaker above. What do you think of these sneakers?

February 28, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

6Beyoncé and Jay-Z Skipped the Oscars to Have Dinner with Sarah Jessica Parker

From The New York Post:

Jay-Z and Beyoncé missed the Oscars, and instead had dinner with Sarah Jessica Parker in New York on Sunday night. The music power couple joined the “Sex and the City” star and five others for a long meal at Freemans on the Lower East Side. “They completely blew off the Oscars,” said a source, adding, “They didn’t even have it on a TV screen. They were there until well after 1 a.m. with their friends, laughing and eating.” Bey’s sister Solange, however, was seen partying at Vanity Fair’s LA bash.

I love that this is a story, and that Beyoncé and Jay-Z deciding not to go to the Oscars is seen as a personal insult to the entire Academy Awards. I mean, they didn’t even watch it! Take that, Oscars! I suppose adding insult to injury is the fact that they were having dinner with Sarah Jessica Parker instead (weird combination, don’t you think?), but for the record, SJP is a really nice lady – and a very, very tiny one, as it were.

I have to say – I don’t blame Bey & Jay for skipping out on the Oscars, for the following reasons:

1. It’s in LA. Los Angeles blows – the traffic, the weather… I’ll pass. (Sorry, Angelinos!)

2. You have to get dressed in fancy things, wear Spanx and get your hair & makeup done – sweatpants with one leg cut to fit the leg cast you had on for 6 weeks and a stained Napoleon Dynamite hoodie that you got for $5 at Kohl’s back in 2002 won’t cut it. (Yes, that’s my wardrobe right now.)

3. So long! You have to walk the red carpet and smile and stop for pictures and then, when that’s finally over, you have to go inside and sit through a whole long ceremony that’s never funny and features mostly people you don’t give a shit about. Ugh, is it over yet?

4. There are after-parties, which you’re expected to attend when all you really want to do is have your limo driver stop at the McDonald’s drive-thru before going back to your hotel room, pulling the black-out curtains and watching a Sandra Bullock movie on TNT while eating your chicken nuggets in peace.

I rest my case.

February 27, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer