For the beginning of this story, we’re going to go ahead and assume that Beyonce is telling the truth about being pregnant, all right? We’ll get more into it in a moment, but for now, Beyonce is a delighted pregnant lady, and her precious little baby should be here in about a month’s time. Because she’s eight months pregnant:

Anyway, Beyonce was on 20/20 this past Friday, and in case you missed it, here are some highlights:

On the rumors that her pregnancy is fake: “You know there are certain things that are so far, it doesn’t even affect me. I am cool, it is so ridiculous and over the top.” In fact the “Love On Top” singer revealed that it was her mother, Tina Knowles, that needed to be calmed down the most. “She’s like ‘no one is going to talk about my gran-baby.’” she said. “I was like calm down mom, it’s OK.”

On how she announced her pregnancy: “News that is that big… it is hard to keep to yourself,” she explained to Couric. She said after that moment she finally felt free. “I felt so liberated and I could breathe and be happy. I went straight off the stage, I hugged Jay and I hugged my mom.”

On her diet: “I’ve been really conscious [about food],” she told Couric. “I’ve been trying my best not to lose control. Because I’ve met so many people that say, ‘My second baby, my third baby, I’ve learned my lesson,”‘ she explains of other mothers who struggled to lose their baby weight. “So I haven’t been going crazy. I know it’s important that I don’t lose myself.”

On her excitement: “I am so anxious I want to hold the baby!” she laughed. “The best thing is knowing that my favourite person in the world… I haven’t met them yet. It’s exciting.”

Katie Couric also tried really hard to get Beyonce to tell her if she was having a boy or a girl, but Beyonce wasn’t talking.

I just don’t know anymore, you guys. I wanted to get excited about Beyonce’s baby, I truly did. I want Beyonce’s pregnancy to be as adorable as Jessica Simpson‘s, but it’s not because it’s shrouded in lies and deceit.

I went ahead and compiled a gallery of Beyonce for you guys to look through, and I want you to tell me what you think. The first picture was taken on August 28th, the day we found out Beyonce was pregnant, and the pictures go chronologically through to November 20th, which is the latest picture we have of her. Do you see anything suspicious?

Your choices are as follows:

-Jessica Simpson (who, ahem, is probably my personal favorite). Though it hasn’t been confirmed how far along she is, I’d guess she’s about six months pregnant:

-Hilary Duff. I’m going to guess she’s probably about four months along. Girlfriend here has a way to go before she pops, if you know what I mean (and if you don’t, well … OK):

-Beyonce. It’s debatable as to whether this woman actually is pregnant or not, but for the sake of fun, I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt this time. Until, at least, her bump pops and floats away. People are putting her at three, six, and eight months pregnant. I just couldn’t tell you, folks:

Who’s the hottest pregnant woman going?

Over the past few days, as I’ve considered the people and things I am thankful for, one name kept popping up, time and time again: Beyonce! Come on, that magical bump, her flawless dance moves … what’s not to be thankful for? There was, of course, one tragic thing I realized over my Thanksgiving dinner of frozen pizza, and that was that it’s been nearly a whole entire month since Beyonce released her last music video. And it in no way makes me feel like an inferior person to let you know that when I realized that, I wept.

As always though, Beyonce delivers when we need it the most, and this time, she’s truly answered my prayers. Check out this video for the racy “Dance for You” and let me know if it answered any of yours as well.

THROW ME A BONE.

I don’t think we’ve really speculated on it much here at Evil Beet, because frankly, I don’t think any of us really care about the reasons Beyonce may be rocking a fake bump (it’s flat-out shellacked vanity is what it is, and nobody likes that), but I came across two sets of photos that were taken two consecutive weeks, and I’m just baffled. I’m not baffled as to why she’d do it – if, in the event, she is wearing an external, prosthetic fetus bag – I’m baffled that she’d think anyone actually buys it. Up top, exhibit number one. This is Beyonce earlier in the week. Flowin’ free at some party.

Ready?

This is Beyonce last week on Jimmy Fallon’s show.

I mean, literally, these photos were taken days apart. Days. How does someone blow up that fast in days? Or if she IS legitimately pregnant and naturally showing, how the hell did she manage to suck in so hard at her Jimmy Fallon appearance? That CAN’T be good for a baby.

Also, can we not forget this video, which had me scratching my head for days:

I just don’t know. My head hurts, guys. I need respite. I need to know where my thought process went wrong, because it’s ALL OVER the f*cking place on this topic.

Second image courtesy of Vlad TV

I swear, just the other day I was thinking to myself “when was the last time that Beyonce released a music video? Why, it has to have been at least six or seven days!” And you guys, I just got myself all worked up, because if a whole week goes by without a brand new Beyonce music video, I get nervous. I get nervous and antsy and worried about Bey and her life.

Glory be to Beyonce though, because after NINE WHOLE DAYS, she went and gave us a new video for her song “Party.” Do you love it?  Are you as relieved as I am?  How long do you think she’s going to keep this up?

Man! Beyoncé looks great! You can’t even tell she’s pregnant!

Anyhoo. Here’s the beautiful and talented Beyoncé Knowles, just chilling out with—oh. Ugh. Terry Richardson? You again? Oh, well.

I don’t love Richardson’s penchant for self-insertion (“Try on my Sexual Predator Spectacles! It’ll be so charming!”), although would-be celebs could sure learn a lot from the photographer’s entrepreneurial sense of “branding.”

What I do love: the face Beyoncé is making. It reminds me of Nicki Minaj doing “The Creep.” (The glasses help.)

P.S. I also love the way Beyoncé is seemingly terrified of putting Terry Richardson’s glasses all the way on her face. Ha ha!