And use small words, because after seeing this photo of Ben – acting like this on an ice cream outing with his family – I’m kind of fried out on being all intellectual and analytical this morning. The only things cycling in my brain right now are nappy beards, little penises, and Boston accents.
I know that this guy is a total asshat and makes no bones about being perceived as a complete toolkit in public (though I still totally would have shagged him ten years ago), but adding ‘being an embarrassment
to in front of his family‘ to the growing list of acting a fool?
God, dude. Jen must be so proud.
OK, in a manner of speaking, anyway. But it wouldn’t surprise me either way. In a recent interview, Affleck states that he doesn’t want to work with his wife in films, but for good reason:
“Jen is a great actress. I would be profoundly lucky to work with her. But something tells me that people don’t want to see real-life couples together at the movies … I think audiences have a hard time suspending disbelief. They already know a whole bunch of things about the relationship you have with the other person and if you try and thrust you and another person into a fictional relationship, I think it is distracting.”
The only thing audiences have a hard time suspending, Ben, is their restraint to choke the living shit out of you anytime you open your mouth. But maybe that’s just me.
Though speculation about Garner’s womb has been frothing and churning lately, Garner’s rep states, “Jennifer is absolutely not pregnant.”
And I really love the vehemence in her statement that there is absolutely no way, no way whatsoever, that Garner is continuing to tie herself to douchebag husband, Ben Affleck, any more than she needs to at this point.
Is he even living in the family home anymore, or has Jen deported his rumored-cheating, definitely-alcohol consuming ass to the streets of NYC’s Bronx in search of his original Bennifer? Is he off tanning? Buying expensive, indulgently-obnoxious diamonds for women who only want him for his
good looks Pearl Harbor performance?
The two have been rumored to split every year since 2008, but nothing has happened — and by “nothing,” I mean that the couple still keeps popping out children despite rumors that all is not well. Until now. Because every time Garner was rumored to be pregnant in the past, she was. If a firm denial of a new pregnancy doesn’t say it all, nothing does. Maybe this is Jen’s uterus saying, “The gravy train’s over, pal.”
I love Jen. And I absolutely love her amazingly gorgeous daughters, Violet and Seraphina. But Ben Affleck? Uh, not so much.
We hear a lot about how often celebrity stalking is not taken seriously enough, but sometimes we hear stories of justice being served. Steven Richard Burky, the man who was found guilty on charges of stalking Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, has been sent to live in a mental institution. From Radar Online:
“Steven Richard Burky, pleaded no contest today to two counts of felony stalking. Judge Katherine Mader then found him not guilty by reason of insanity and sentenced him to Patton State Hospital. Deputy District Attorney Wendy Segall said the judge made her ruling based on reports from two psychiatrists who examined Burky.”
On the chance that Steven is released from the mental institution, there has also been a 10-year, 500-yard restraining order put in place to protect Ben, Jen and the kids.
It’s definitely a positive sign for celebrities that their safety is being taken seriously, but it’s slightly sad to know that scaling the side of someone’s house to deliver them the presents you made them out of your own body hair will now get you locked away. Whatever. As long as James Franco loves the pet dog I wove him out of my pubes, I am totally fine eating Jell-O on a cot for the next 20 years of my life. I’ve seen Girl, Interrupted. I can hack that shit for James.
I certainly hope this isn’t true, but I have a sinking feeling that it is.
Radar is reporting that Ben Affleck — who famously entered rehab for his drinking problem back in 2001 — was most definitely off the wagon at the Sundance Film Festival:
At the party for his new movie, Affleck “immediately sat down at a VIP table and grabbed the bottle of Absolut in front of him and poured a drink,” a source told RadarOnline.com.
Publicists, staffers and others were stunned because they know that Affleck is an admitted alcoholic. They got rid of all the photographers near the area to protect Affleck.
I have to admit, I’ve had a feeling for awhile that something wasn’t quite right in the Affleck world. The photo agencies have new pics of Jen with the kids nearly every day, but you very rarely see Ben in them. He wasn’t at the Golden Globes with Jen. The last photo WireImage has of them together was taken in March of 2009. That’s a long time for a very famous couple not to hit the red carpet together.
Anyway. Ben. This sucks. I don’t want to see you go through this, and I don’t want to see your family go through this. Get back to rehab, asshole, and get sober. I downright refuse to write your fucking obituary this year.
I guess technically I don’t know if he’s “crazed” like the headline reads, but the man who was charged for stalking Jennifer Garner is definitely creepy looking. And stalking generally isn’t sane behavior, so I would think that it’s fair to call him crazed. I don’t want to get sued or something. He’s probably a fine guy who just happens to loiter outside of the elementary school that his favorite celebrity’s child attends. Whatever, no judgement.
The L.A. District Attorney has charged Steven Burky with two counts of felony stalking and two misdemeanor counts of disobeying a court order — for allegedly breaking a restraining order the couple filed against him last year.
Garner has claimed in court documents that Burky has been stalking her since 2002. She was granted the restraining order last year after Burky sent her “packages and letters containing delusional and paranoid thoughts.”
Now, if convicted on stalking charges, Burky — who’s currently in police custody — could face up to four years in prison.
Four years seems like an awfully short period of time to spend in prison for breaking a restraining order and potentially putting the life of a child (a beautiful celebrity child, right guys!?!) in danger. Let’s hope this whackjob gets some heeee-eeelllllp.
OK, maybe the headline is a bit much, but what the hell is Jennifer Garner doing with her babies that makes them little smile-machines? Garner and her hubby Ben Affleck took their older daughter Violet and baby Seraphina out to brunch in Cambridge, MA this morning and little Seraphina was smiling the entire time, just like her big sis is always seen doing. Perhaps they’ve paid off their children to be two of the happiest looking celeb kids out there (Suri can barely be bothered to grin) or they’re just feeding them candy and taking them on unicorn rides all day, but whatever it is, they’re doing something right…