Sources close to Jennifer Lopez‘s ma are saying that she – Jennifer Lopez’s ma, ffs – reached out to an ex-boyfriend of J. Lo herself to help intervene in what’s now being painted as a Very Bad Marriage.
The ex in question? Oh yes. It’d be BEN AFFLECK. DUN DUN DUN.
“Guadalupe reached out to Ben over email. She wanted advice for Jennifer. She always liked and trusted him. Ben replied back on email, wished her well and offered what he could. Shortly thereafter Lopez and her husband Marc Anthony announced their divorce. It was a very bad marriage, and Jennifer got the courage to end things. [Marc] was a terrible husband.”
So, do think this has even a shred of truth to it? I’m not really sure if I buy it, but I’m going to do what I do best and run with it. I mean, a Bennifer reunion? Could this whole thing get crazier than that? I somehow don’t think so.
Ben Affleck was photographed out in Los Angeles with his wifey yesterday and yo! People are immediately jumping to the conclusion that the mark is a result of the Blake Lively nudes being released.
People have been saying for awhile that there’s a chance Ben and Blake got their swerve on while filming The Town, and now that those nudes are floating around everywhere and Blake’s totally sporting the same fake tatts in them that she did in the movie, it makes even more sense. Yeah, her rep claims the photos are fake, but a lot of reps are fake, too. If you asked me, I’d say those pictures are the real deal.
Here’s what I wanna know: Did Jennifer Garner lay that thing on him? Because if so, that is tight! I knew she used to do a lot of her own stunts back in her Alias days, but punching her man in the eye for boning the town floozy while he was on location? That’s gangster.
And use small words, because after seeing this photo of Ben – acting like this on an ice cream outing with his family – I’m kind of fried out on being all intellectual and analytical this morning. The only things cycling in my brain right now are nappy beards, little penises, and Boston accents.
I know that this guy is a total asshat and makes no bones about being perceived as a complete toolkit in public (though I still totally would have shagged him ten years ago), but adding ‘being an embarrassment
to in front of his family‘ to the growing list of acting a fool?
God, dude. Jen must be so proud.
OK, in a manner of speaking, anyway. But it wouldn’t surprise me either way. In a recent interview, Affleck states that he doesn’t want to work with his wife in films, but for good reason:
“Jen is a great actress. I would be profoundly lucky to work with her. But something tells me that people don’t want to see real-life couples together at the movies … I think audiences have a hard time suspending disbelief. They already know a whole bunch of things about the relationship you have with the other person and if you try and thrust you and another person into a fictional relationship, I think it is distracting.”
The only thing audiences have a hard time suspending, Ben, is their restraint to choke the living shit out of you anytime you open your mouth. But maybe that’s just me.
Though speculation about Garner’s womb has been frothing and churning lately, Garner’s rep states, “Jennifer is absolutely not pregnant.”
And I really love the vehemence in her statement that there is absolutely no way, no way whatsoever, that Garner is continuing to tie herself to douchebag husband, Ben Affleck, any more than she needs to at this point.
Is he even living in the family home anymore, or has Jen deported his rumored-cheating, definitely-alcohol consuming ass to the streets of NYC’s Bronx in search of his original Bennifer? Is he off tanning? Buying expensive, indulgently-obnoxious diamonds for women who only want him for his
good looks Pearl Harbor performance?
The two have been rumored to split every year since 2008, but nothing has happened — and by “nothing,” I mean that the couple still keeps popping out children despite rumors that all is not well. Until now. Because every time Garner was rumored to be pregnant in the past, she was. If a firm denial of a new pregnancy doesn’t say it all, nothing does. Maybe this is Jen’s uterus saying, “The gravy train’s over, pal.”
I love Jen. And I absolutely love her amazingly gorgeous daughters, Violet and Seraphina. But Ben Affleck? Uh, not so much.
We hear a lot about how often celebrity stalking is not taken seriously enough, but sometimes we hear stories of justice being served. Steven Richard Burky, the man who was found guilty on charges of stalking Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, has been sent to live in a mental institution. From Radar Online:
“Steven Richard Burky, pleaded no contest today to two counts of felony stalking. Judge Katherine Mader then found him not guilty by reason of insanity and sentenced him to Patton State Hospital. Deputy District Attorney Wendy Segall said the judge made her ruling based on reports from two psychiatrists who examined Burky.”
On the chance that Steven is released from the mental institution, there has also been a 10-year, 500-yard restraining order put in place to protect Ben, Jen and the kids.
It’s definitely a positive sign for celebrities that their safety is being taken seriously, but it’s slightly sad to know that scaling the side of someone’s house to deliver them the presents you made them out of your own body hair will now get you locked away. Whatever. As long as James Franco loves the pet dog I wove him out of my pubes, I am totally fine eating Jell-O on a cot for the next 20 years of my life. I’ve seen Girl, Interrupted. I can hack that shit for James.
I certainly hope this isn’t true, but I have a sinking feeling that it is.
Radar is reporting that Ben Affleck — who famously entered rehab for his drinking problem back in 2001 — was most definitely off the wagon at the Sundance Film Festival:
At the party for his new movie, Affleck “immediately sat down at a VIP table and grabbed the bottle of Absolut in front of him and poured a drink,” a source told RadarOnline.com.
Publicists, staffers and others were stunned because they know that Affleck is an admitted alcoholic. They got rid of all the photographers near the area to protect Affleck.
I have to admit, I’ve had a feeling for awhile that something wasn’t quite right in the Affleck world. The photo agencies have new pics of Jen with the kids nearly every day, but you very rarely see Ben in them. He wasn’t at the Golden Globes with Jen. The last photo WireImage has of them together was taken in March of 2009. That’s a long time for a very famous couple not to hit the red carpet together.
Anyway. Ben. This sucks. I don’t want to see you go through this, and I don’t want to see your family go through this. Get back to rehab, asshole, and get sober. I downright refuse to write your fucking obituary this year.