Avril Lavigne and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger probably made your genitals shrivel and your body to begin involuntarily dry heaving last year when they announced they are engaged to be married because, you know… ew and stuff. In any case, Canada’s answer to William & Kate deserve nothing less than the very best, so that’s why Avril’s planning a “spectacular” wedding celebration for the pair. Oh, I bet!
“That’s how we met [by recording together]. I was really excited to work with Chad because he’s also a musician. We wrote a bunch of songs together, became really good friends, and now we have a wedding coming up.”
“It’s [going to be] kind of just a lot of close friends and family – it is sort of smaller. It’s going to be quite spectacular, and there’s a theme to it and we’re going pretty big. But Chad doesn’t even know everything yet!”
Oh, brother. If their wedding is half as bad as their music, the guests will be running away screaming before she’s halfway down the aisle. That’s one Evite list I’d like to be left off, thanks.
Here’s a sentence I never thought I would have to write: Avril Lavigne did a cover of Nickelback’s “How You Remind Me.” That sentence leads me to a thought, one that I never, ever in million years, thought I would have: I actually kind of like it.
I never went through an Avril phase, though there was one summer in high school that I listened to one of her songs on repeat, because it was the only thing that could describe my hopeless heart (“I’m with You,” if you’re curious). And I never really went through a Nickelback phase, but I did buy a couple of their albums because this guy in the children’s hospital I stayed at when I was 14 liked to sing “How You Remind Me,” and I had a total crush on him. But now that I’m older and wiser, I can see that this whole entire thing is just ridiculous. Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger are ridiculous, and the fact that they’re getting married is like a whole different level of ridiculous, like a level that mathematicians discuss theoretically but never thought could truly exist.
Poor Chad Kroeger. What a life he must have, right? He is, for better or worse, a pretty famous singer of a pretty famous band. He gets to live his dream, making music for a living, and he gets paid very well for it. But everybody hates his music. Well, not everybody, obviously, but most people are willing to admit that his music is kind of garbage. It must be bittersweet, you know?
And it’s probably a little more bitter when even your lady love, your soon-to-be wife, can’t stand your music:
The Canadian rocker – who once famously described himself as a “walking penis” to Playboy magazine – got engaged to Avril, 28, this summer after dating for several months and has vowed to resist his groupies.
Chad told Men’s Health magazine: “I don’t think my libido has changed. I just think that my Rolodex has been confiscated. And I’m OK with that.”
The 37-year-old musician also revealed fiancee Avril is not a fan of his music, and he is actually quite relieved, because he doesn’t want her to hear the racy lyrics to his songs.
Chad said: “If a naughty Nickelback song came on, my fiancee would probably ask who it was. She’d be like, ‘Who’s this? This is good. I like it.’
“I’m terrified that some day she’s going to listen to some of the things I’ve written, and I’m going to have some explaining to do.
“There’s going to be a whole question-and-answer period following that one.”
I think Chad is trying to play it cool here because he’s sort of embarrassed that Avril doesn’t like his music. I mean, come on. The bit about how if she heard one of his songs, she’d be like “who’s this? This is good. I like it,” please. It’s not like she wouldn’t recognize that voice, you know? And it’s not like it’s a common thing for people to love Nickelback music.
But here’s the really sad part: how awful must it feel to know that Avril Lavigne doesn’t like your music?
Do you see that hilarity going on up there? That’s Deryck Whibley, lead singer of Sum 41 and Avril Lavigne‘s ex-husband, and his girlfriend, all dressed up for Halloween. They’re dressed as Avril and Avril’s soon-to-be husband, Chad Kroeger of Nickelback. And that’s wonderful.
Really, it’s maybe a little catty and weird for them to do this. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it, and it’s definitely my favorite celebrity Halloween costume thus far, but for Avril, it’s got to be a little awkward. And for Avril’s man, it’s just simply uncool.
Here’s what Chad tweeted in retaliation:
Total burn! Except not really, because the guy from Nickelback just called the guy from Sum 41 irrelevant. I think that’s going to open up a whole can of worms that Chad wasn’t expecting, because instead of thinking he is funny and chivalrous, I’m just laughing about how silly and lame Nickelback is.
We can talk about how much these costumes rock in the comments, but for now, I have a very serious question:
And you’re probably wondering, “Why, Sarah, why is it weird that two people could have found love and wanted to make it official by getting engaged?” and then I would answer, “Because it’s the f-cking dude from Nickelback, and it’s Avril Lavigne. And it was very abrupt. And that makes it weird.” And that answer would have to suffice, because I have no other.
Anyway, this is Avril Lavigne‘s zillion-carat diamond engagement ring, which, if you can see detail, is pear-shaped with two crescent moon-like things on either side. And it’s kind of pretty, considering it was purchased with ‘Photograph’ money.
Here’s the official rundown of just how happy the two are together, from Canada’s Hello! magazine:
This week’s issue of Hello! Canada magazine, due out Thursday, has an exclusive interview with the newly announced Canadian music power duo in which Kroeger says: “I feel like the luckiest person alive.”
He also reveals he used a scrapbook to pop the question to Lavigne as the pair worked together on her upcoming fifth studio album in Los Angeles.
“It happened in their recording studio. She was scrapbooking and he added a page to the scrapbook, and the page said: ‘Will you marry me?”‘ Alison Eastwood, editor-in-chief of Hello! Canada, said Wednesday in a telephone interview.
Lavigne, 27, and Kroeger, 37, shocked music fans and media outlets Tuesday when they announced their engagement after a six-month courtship that flew under the radar of most pop-culture enthusiasts.
Hello! Canada was among those who didn’t previously know of their romance and was “quite surprised” when the couple approached them within the last week to share their story and engagement photographs, said Eastwood.
“I think we can safely call them Canada’s new super couple. Between them they have sold, I think, something like 18 million albums, so they’re quite a powerhouse.”
You can read more about how they’re making “beautiful music” together here. And that’s weird. Just … weird. And it definitely lends credence to the whole ‘Photograph’ allusion above—wouldn’t it be so Chad Kroeger to be scrapbooking with “photographs,” incorporating a “will you marry me” page? Because just watch this video, OK? Just once:
Avril Lavigne and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger’s relationship has been so quiet that few even knew they were dating. Now, after a six-month courtship, the Canadian rockers are engaged to be married, Lavigne’s rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.
Lavigne, 27, and Kroeger, 37, first got together in February to co-write a song for Lavigne’s upcoming fifth studio album.
“A romantic relationship blossomed as they spent time writing together,” a Lavigne pal tells PEOPLE.
On Aug. 8, Kroeger popped the question, presenting Lavigne with a 14-carat diamond sparkler.
“He makes her so happy,” a family source tells PEOPLE. “Both of their families could not be more excited.”
It will be Kroeger’s first trip down the aisle, and the second marriage for Lavigne, who split from Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley in 2009. She had also dated Brody Jenner.
If Avril and Chad here are happy together, them I’m happy for them. I wish them all the best in their marriage. But they wrote music together? Really? That terrifies me. This is the girl that screeched out a song called “Sk8er Boi” and the guy who growls out stupid lyrics like “what the hell is on Joey’s head?” Can the world take their combined powers of horrible, terrible music?
Well, maybe. She did strike out with both Deryck Whibley and that bag of dicks, Brody Jenner, so maybe she’s gone and decided that she’d do better batting (or catching, or whatever) for the other team.
These photos are of Avril Lavigne and some friends in Cabo San Lucas, where water-frolicking, beer-drinking, and general revelry happened, because DUH, Sk8er Boi. It’s about time that Avril got back out into the world, too, because she and that Jenner asshat broke up back in January, and there’s hardly been word of her since then. Seriously, the last time we talked about Avril here was back in … well, in June, but that was only because there was this weird relationship rumor going ’round that she was hooking up with Marilyn Manson (false, thank God), but prior to that, we’d only spoken about her two or three times, and it was just to mock her hair and her music. Like normal.
Whatever. All I can say is that whoever this girl is, Avril would be better off hooking up with her. She’s oodles better-looking than Deryck Whibley, and probably a hell of a lot classier than Brody f-cking Jenner. I say go for it, if you haven’t yet already, Avril.