Gwyneth Paltrow is a hot ass mess, and something she just cannot do – besides get the stick out of her ass – is “let loose”. I literally cannot imagine the woman not in pressed linen pants or, say, eating a large pepperoni pizza in pyjamas that are stained sort of a weird purple colour because she accidentally put them in the wash with the darker stuff. She’s just not capable of it, and that’s why her new Max Factor campaign is a massive fail.
For the ads, which are part of Max Factor’s 100 years of Glamour anniversary/Modern Icon campaign, Goopy dresses up like four beauty icons: Madonna, Farrah Fawcett, Audrey Hepburn and Brigitte Bardot. She carries off exactly none of them.
See what I mean? I know that Max Factor as a brand wants to convey a certain level of glamour and seriousness – especially since they aren’t exactly marketing to the teen crowd – but like… why? Why Gwyneth Paltrow as the face of your brand at all, really? I would lay $100 bet on the fact that she’s never touched an item of their makeup (other than, say, for photoshoots) and would turn her nose up at drugstore beauty purchases. After all, they’re not organic and don’t contain ingredients that were milked from the teats of forest squirrels or whatever she’s into. It’s just not believable.
But Ms. Hepburn never thought she was pretty. Her son, Luca Dotti, revealed a lot about his mother in the upcoming May edition of Vanity Fair (of which she’s on the cover!). Dotti says,
She thought she had a big nose and big feet, and she was too skinny and not enough breast. She would look in the mirror and say, ‘I don’t understand why people see me as beautiful.’
That bums me out. She’s like the shining light for girls and women insecure with their noses and small breasts. But it reminds me that even mega movie stars aren’t always happy with themselves. Regardless, I am still going to rock my small boobies to their fullest.
But here’s one cool thing about the legendary Audrey. She was never hung-up on aging.
She was always a little bit surprised by the efforts women made to look young. She was actually very happy about growing older because it meant more time for herself, more time for her family, and separation from the frenzy of youth and beauty that is Hollywood. She was very strict about everybody’s time in life.
Audrey Hepburn, despite the fact that she died in 1993, is in a brand new commercial for Galaxy Chocolate. This isn’t the first time Ms. Hepburn’s image has been used for a commercial. The Gap used her likeness to sell skinny black pants in 2006. What’s different about this commercial is that it seamlessly melds Hepburn’s old footage into new footage where it seems as though she is alive and present and acting in this commercial. It’s actually pretty incredible. Her sons gave the okay to use her likeness, saying in a press release,
[She] often spoke about her love of chocolate and how it lifted her spirit…[She] would be proud.
Before you judge them for selling out, watch the commercial. It’s a lovely, inoffensive tribute to the actress and maybe even a great way to introduce her to a new generation. (Admittedly though, I think the use of Moon River is a little cheesy.) And it’s true, Audrey really did love chocolate, this one time we were hanging out and she told me and I was like, “OMG but you’re soooo skinny” and then she told me that I was really pretty and then we went on a shopping spree with Cary Grant. True story. No but seriously, what do you think about the commercial?