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Ashton Kutcher

0Demi Moore And Ashton Kutcher Aren’t Even Trying to Get Divorced

A photo of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

It seems like it’s been a good long while since Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher split up, huh? That’s because it’s been a whole year. It was last November that Demi announced her decision to leave Ashton, but it was back in September when we learned that Ashton had been having an affair. So really, this whole thing has been a mess for well over a year. So why aren’t they divorced yet?

Because they’re not doing anything. They haven’t discussed who gets what or how the money is going to be split. There are no papers. They haven’t even discussed anything with their lawyers yet. They’re just hanging out, still legally married, still legally cool, while Ashton knocks up his old costars. Sounds super healthy.

The rumor was that Ashton and Demi just had their Kabbalah wedding, but they never legally got married. But somebody with a lot of dedication found some documents that proved that wasn’t the case. So what’s the deal? Here’s another rumor: Ashton has a ton of money, and he just doesn’t want to give it up in a messy divorce. How noble.

How are any of the ladies in Ashton’s life even cool with this?

November 1, 2012 at 7:30 am by Emily

17Mila Kunis is Probably Going to Have Ashton Kutcher’s Baby

photo of ashton kutcher and mila kunis baby bump pictures
Oh hey, look! Something interesting that involves both Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher! And it would appear that Mila Kunis is sporting a pretty serious baby bump, huh? Yeah, she tends to carry most of any weight gain in her midsection (see that movie that she had to “fatten up” for or whatever), but this is just … well I think it’s unmistakable to call it an early baby bump. And if that’s the case? Wow, man. Talk about throwing a bombshell right in the face of poor Demi Moore. Disastrous, really.

Oh, and speaking of disaster? Seriously, I’m writing this post on Sunday night, because for now, I still have both electric and internet, which is a lot more than what some other people in the general region have right now, even though I probably shouldn’t. In case you didn’t hear, the east coast is being battered by Hurricane Sandy, and oh yeah, the latest news says she might be making landfall a block over from me sometime between this afternoon and Tuesday morning. Super, huh? Who knows. Maybe it’s karma. Maybe I should have been a little nicer to all of these celebrities, huh?

Any intermittent posting is a direct result of Sandy, so you can blame that lousy, stinking, sucking whore for f-cking up the whole mess.

Good luck and God speed to those in the path of this bitch—I don’t know what’s scarier at this point; the fact that Ashton Kutcher might be a father soon, or the hurricane itself.

October 29, 2012 at 4:30 am by Sarah

7Ashton Kutcher Has “Always Had A Thing” for Mila Kunis

A photo of Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis

From Us Weekly:

Still going strong after five months!

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis have recently been parading their relationship around NYC. The 34-year-old actor, still separated from Demi Moore, has been living with his onetime That ’70s Show costar, 29, while she films The Angriest Man in Brooklyn in the city.

“He always had a thing for her,” a source told Us Weekly. “It’s a real infatuation.”

On Sept. 17, the pair of five months fed each other brunch across the table at NYC’s Philip Marie restaurant — then cuddled up on a boulder for an extended smooching session in Central Park.

“They only saw each other,” a witness said of the duo. “Nothing else seemed to matter.”

While a source told Us that Kunis “isn’t sure this will last,” the Friends With Benefits actress is “going for it.”

Let’s do some creepy math, all right? The story from Us Weekly mentioned that Ashton Kutcher is 34 and Mila Kunis is 29. Totally cool, right? But That ’70s Show, where Ashton and Mila met, premiered in 1998. When Ashton was 19. And Mila was 14. And Ashton has “always had a thing for her.” Ewwwww.

But hey, is there anyone who looks at this relationship and feels any sort of positive feelings about it? Or even neutral feelings? Like, is anyone not disturbed by these two dating? Because I always feel this huge urge to slap Mila Kunis and tell her to run for the hills. Is that normal?

September 30, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Emily

2Ashton and Mila are Totally So Happy Together

[Image Removed Upon Request]

And isn’t it nice to see these two in love, far from the clutches of people like Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes? Isn’t it nice to be able to talk about pure, unadulterated joy instead of pure, unadulterated inebriation? I sure think so.

These photos were taken just yesterday, and they feature Mila and Ashton kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and walking along like there’s not a pissed-off estranged wife lurking in dark corners, just waiting for Mila to get her first wrinkle.

Isn’t love grand, guys?

September 18, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah

5I’m Just Going to Leave These Photos of Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher’s Totally Friendly Hand-Holding Vacation Right Here For You Guys, OK?

photo of mila kunis and ashton kutcher pictures photos
Hey, look! Remember how I told you guys that these two were going away on some tropical vacation together? Because they did, and here’s a few pictures to prove it. Also, they’re holding hands. I don’t care how long you’ve been friends, you don’t generally go ’round holding hands with someone that you’ve spoken out against so vehemently about not dating. Because Mila Kunis, shut up already. We know that you’re in a relationship of sorts with Ashton Kutcher. Can we just go on to avoiding the interview questions that assume you guys are together? Because denying these things … well, it’s just starting to look silly all over the place, now, isn’t it?

Can we just get these two at a red carpet event together already? Because, despite the fact that I pretty much abhor Ashton Kutcher and everything he stands for, I’m still a That 70′s Show closet fan at heart, and I positively love this pairing. I also think that if these two were to hit up a red carpet event already, the world would be aghast at so much physical beauty in two people—two people who also happen to be boning. One another.

August 8, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah

0Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher Aren’t Even Trying to Hide the Sex Anymore

photo of mila kunis and ashton kutcher pictures
From Page Six:

Ashton Kutcher has whisked Mila Kunis on a romantic vacation to Bali, Page Six can reveal. The actor, still going through a divorce with Demi Moore, has taken Kunis to a five-star resort on Bali’s southern peninsula. Suites include wooden four-poster beds, a sunken indoor bathtub and ultra-private pools.

Sources tell us the pair, who met 14 years ago while starring on “That ’70s Show” together, are now making no secret of their romance despite earlier attempts to stay out of the public eye.

One source said, “Ashton was Mila’s first kiss while on ‘That ’70s Show,’ so they’ve always had a special bond. They started dating in the spring, and things have recently become more serious.”

Aww. Fourteen years. Fourteen years these guys have been in lust with one another, and pretending to be in lust with one another, and actually in lust with one another. Isn’t it just fitting that, after all of this time and Demi Moore stuff and cheating with girls who have pretty nice boobs, these two would end up together in sunken tubs in Bali? Because if you took all of the squickiness away from this situation, and from Ashton Kutcher‘s taking-himself-way-too-serious thing that he does so well, then you’d have a pretty cute couple, here, guys. But alas, that’s not the case, and it’s kind of squicky and weird and definitely off-putting because we know just how seriously Ashton Kutcher takes himself. Because BALI. What’s next, kisses atop the Eiffel Tower? A proposal written in the sky by a plane? This is SERIOUS, y’all.

August 1, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah