Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Ashton Kutcher

Ashton Kutcher’s Ex-Girlfriend Was Murdered???

This is a story I clearly missed the first time around.

A former girlfriend of Ashton Kutcher, 22-year-old Ashley Ellerin, was found murdered in her Hollywood Hills apartment in 2001. Police arrested an air-conditioning repairman, 32-year-old Michael Thomas Gargiulo, for the murder — he is also accused of murdering another woman and attacking a third — and he plead not guilty on Thursday. In all three cases, Gargiulo lived near the victims, and the women were stabbed in their homes, police said.

He’s currently being held pending $1.1M bail.

Reportedly, Ashley was supposed to attend a Grammy party with Ashton the night she was murdered. When he showed up to get her and no one answered the door, he peeked around the back window and saw what he thought were red wine stains on her floor. He thought nothing of it and went to the party without her. The wine stains turned out to be blood stains, when her roommate came home and found her body the next morning.

Ashley’s parents later accused Ashton of hampering her murder investigation for not calling the police right away.

How awful!!!

Supporting the Kiddo!

You guys, something wonderful has happened in the past few hours.

I left the office around three feeling grumpy and annoyed with the world. I was just in one of those little funks where, despite the fact that my life is essentially perfect, I’m still like “I never get what I want, nothing is fair, why do I even try, I’m so over everything.” I just wanted to throw a temper tantrum and hit people in the face.

Then I did a half hour on the elliptical machine at the gym, staring out the window at the glorious, pounding, cool Seattle rain, spent time getting honest with some friends, did an hour and a half of yoga and then came home to find a hundred new pictures of Rumer Willis at the House Bunny premiere on a photo service. And you know what? I felt not a tinge of hatred. I am relaxed and at peace with the world. I have nothing mean to say about Rumer right now. I have nothing mean to say about Ashton. I have nothing mean to say about Demi Moore. And there are like a million mean things to say about why Bruce Willis isn’t there, but I don’t feel like typing out any of them.

I think it’s sweet that there is obviously so much love and support in that family. This is a big day for Rumer and how wonderful that they can be there to cheer her on.

Look at me!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Don’t worry kids, this won’t last. Otherwise I’d be out of a job.

OMG I Wish I Could Have Gotten the “Sex Talk” from Ashton Kutcher

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Ohhhhh, I remember the sex talk. I tried to avoid it forever. Whenever my mom would be like, “We need to have a serious conversation, Beet,” I’d be like, “I have anywhere else to be.” And sometimes I would just shout at her that I hated her and run away. At one point, she resorted to putting a copy of What’s Happening to My Body? in the bathroom cabinet. This made the bathroom cabinet taboo to me, and I refused to open it, even to get a fresh roll of toilet paper. I knew what was inside: that evil, evil book. I could seriously think of absolutely nothing worse than talking to my mother about sex, my menstrual period, my breasts, or anything even remotely similar.

This is when I was 11 or 12, and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. Today, my mother is a licensed sex therapist, and has painting of penises all over my old bedroom, which is now her office, and the shelves are packed with books with names like “The Female Orgasm” and “Navigating Oral Sex” and “Sisters,” which is a book of black-and-white nude, lesbianesque photographs, which a boyfriend once picked up on his very first visit to my mother’s house, thinking it had an innocent-enough title. “Oh,” he said, “This is porn.” My mom was like, “Oh, no, sweetheart. That’s art. If you want porn, it’s in the other room.” I very nearly died. Of laughter.

Anyway, Ashton Kutcher’s talking to Elle about having the sex talk with Demi Moore’s daughters, who I’m sure are delighted beyond words to have Ashton Kutcher giving them their sex talk. It would be like if Joey McIntyre had been there to talk to me about having sex at age 11. It just would have made the whole experience a lot more awesome.

Says Ashton:

“I knew that one of the girls had had sex and hadn’t really talked to us about it, so I wanted to create an open forum for her. So over Christmas last year, we had a conversation about sex — all of us except Tallulah, the youngest … and one boyfriend was there.”

Why doesn’t Tallulah get the sex talk?? She’s 14 years old! Who the hell isn’t having sex at 14 these days?

He also chats with the girls about weed:

“I’ve learned how to talk to a kid about sex and drugs — pot in particular. … You can’t try to conceal any of your own history. Because when they find out about you, you become a liar. … ‘You’re not going to die,’ but I also told them that I have a lot of friends who I used to smoke pot with, and a lot of them are still just hanging out smoking pot.”

Oh, Ashton. Come over to my place and talk sex and drugs to me. I’ll be an eager student.

Everyone is Honoring Tom Cruise

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The happy (and maybe preggers??) Ashton-Demi couple made an appearance at Mentor LA’s Promise gala honoring Tom Cruise. I think Demi Moore looks absolutely stunning for a woman her age, but if you look closely at her legs in the hi-def versions of these pics, she definitely is getting old-lady knees. That makes me happy because it means I still have something on Demi Moore, and it also makes me sad because it is proof that, no matter how much time, money and effort you put into it, you can’t totally pass for 20′s when you’re in your 40′s. Heh. Well, I still have fifteen years or so for plastic surgery to improve. It is nice that Mentor LA is “a nonprofit organization dedicated to revitalizing the schools and neighborhoods of some of the most disenfranchised communities in Los Angeles,” but maybe we need to be investing our time and energy in things that will allow me to have hot kneecaps when I’m 40.

Also, just to be a bitch, it’s nice that these people can piggyback off Tom Cruise’s fame in order to try to do something good for the world, but I can’t really figure out just what Tom did for these people. Their website briefly calls him their “supporter,” and talks a little about how much his movies make, but I get the sense this is more like “We want to thank Tom Cruise for lending us his name and face so that everyone will write about our event,” than “We want to thank Tom Cruise for his generous donations and his vocal support for the fact that real problems require real solutions, not horror stories about aliens and a backlash against the science of psychiatry.” But whatevs. Among the gala’s chairs were Ron Meyer (that’s the daddy of Spiderman’s baby mama, Jennifer Meyer), Terry Semel (the Yahoo guy and dad of Courtenay Semel, Paris Hilton wannabe and world-class but-her-face), and Paula Wagner, Cruise’s producing partner.

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