Yup, I spent the last few hours racking my brain over who the most obnoxious, most heinous celebrities were of 2011 and though there were probably, like, eighty-six I could have placed on this list (not including others from previous years that continue their douchebag reign well into the later parts of the decade), I decided on five.
I know. I know. Some of you guys probably have a soft little spot in your hearts for Doug Hutchison because he just seems on the outskirts of fame, sometimes brushing shoulders with it, but mostly being cast side-long glances by people who matter because he’s so on the fringe that it’s impossible to pull him into the mainstream. And he’d almost be a sympathetic character if he weren’t f-cking a teenager. Because I don’t care how “young at heart” or “hip” you are; statutory rape is statutory rape, even if it’s consensual statutory rape, and that’s just creepy, yo.
There’s not really an explanation as to why Michael Lohan’s on this list. He kicks women in the cooter, is King Douchebag of the Lohan Clan, isn’t even tolerated by the most unstable Lohan, and was once married to Dina Lohan. Plus, he sucks at escaping police custody. Please. Doesn’t all of that give him a lifetime membership card to, like, be on this list for the rest of his time on earth?
Kanye’s a drama queen. A drama queen who freaks out over projectile pieces of paper and a drama queen who compares himself to Hitler. Kanye thinks he’s God’s gift to politics, women, music, and the economy, and the only ones douchier than Kanye himself are his fans.
Jump in to find out who the top 2 douches of 2011 were!
These photos show Ashton getting into his private car with three – count ‘em, three – very average women who are all giving him The Eye at any given point in the photos. Lord knows where they went after, but tabloids are alluding to another hotel for another triple-titty-jaunt, complete with bareback pony rides.
The only good thing that I can say about Ashton at this point? He doesn’t discriminate when it comes to beauty, fame, or finance. He’ll do just about everyone, and I guess that’s supposed to be flattering. Or desperate, I’m not sure just yet.
And everything you say in this interview is so loaded and desperate. Any guy would crawl through fire to get away from this type of stuff. It is so humiliating. I am actually embarrassed.
Interviewer: What is it about New Year’s Eve? Why do people think of that particular night as magical and special? Etc.
Lea Michele (gazing at Ashton): “I think that people like the opportunity to feel like they have a second chance? That they can do things over, start fresh?”
Girlfriend, knock it off! Ashton just got divorced.
Then this happens:
“What are you going to do for New Year’s?” Lea quizzes Ashton flirtatiously. “Why don’t you come celebrate with my big Italian family and me? They would die.”
Ashton: “I don’t—I don’t know where I’m going to be on New Year’s. I haven’t sorted it out—I was going to try to, like, crash a UFO into the Mayan temples. Just to see how people would react to that? But I decided maybe I didn’t want to work that hard.”
Oof. Lea, that was a dismissal.
This video is so, so, so awkward. I don’t think I can watch it a fifth time, you guys.