Ashanti hasn’t been relevant since about 2007 or so, but if there’s one way to get yourself some press, it’s by talking about people who ARE still in the spotlight and hopefully piggyback off that for a while. There’s no specific formula to this – it doesn’t matter if you’re not expressing a new idea at all. Just make some kinda statement that’s totally obvious – like that Halle Berry is hot, say – and you’re in there!
I’d love to raid the closet of…
Jennifer Lopez — she’s got swag!
A star whose look I love is…
Halle Berry. Her style is so effortless.
I know some haters are going to come in the comments and be like, “UH, she’s on Army Wives!” to which I say, “UH, who cares?” LOL, I kid. In any case, Ashanti is a truth speaker. J.Lo has indeed got swag and Halle Berry is effortless. The end.
So, the reality is that we don’t often talk about Ashanti around here unless she’s joining the Black Eyed Peas, her tits, or … well, that’s all, but this time she’s going to make her own damned category for looking like trash on a sweltering day. In slippers.
That’s all I really had to say about Ashanti, because she’s been kind of irrelevant to me ever since that ‘What’s Luv?’ song finally died a painful, drawn-out death back in 2002 though it should have been sooner, so what I’m going to do is recap you on what girlfriend’s been up to for the sake of talking about her. It’s not very often that we do, so we may as well make an event out of it today.
And she wrote a new song, guys! It’s called ‘The Woman You Love’, and I guess that’s appropriate, since she first defined what Luv actually was, so now … never mind. The song is bad. There’s no even joking about it. It’s almost as bad as ‘What’s Luv?’, even though she can’t be blamed wholly for that. Let’s blame it on Fat Joe, if it’s still OK to call him Fat Joe. I don’t know these days, though. Here’s the song. Take a listen.
Bad, like I told you, right? And oh, dear. She’s wearing the outfit there, too. Or something like it. Is this going to be her thing, wearing weird mesh jumpsuits that don’t exactly flatter the sternum? Is she trying to be Janet Jackson meets Rihanna? Does she just miss Fat Joe? What do you think it could be, guys?
MediaTakeOut has a hot, unconfirmed tip—take it or leave it—that Fergie is leaving the Black Eyed Peas. I know!!!
But that isn’t all, you guys. Rumor also has it, the Black Eyed Peas have a replacement already lined up: Grammy-award winning singer Ashanti.
Obviously, if all this is true, it is such a bad move on Fergie’s part—Fergie is inimitable!—but I can totally respect that she wants to start a family.
And good on Ashanti! Wow! She’s kept a really low profile these last few years, and the Black Eyed Peas could honestly jumpstart her career again. In the meantime, the Black Eyed Peas are getting mmmmaybe a little stale, and Ashanti could be just the dose of ready talent they need.
The singer turned 27 on October 13, and celebrated in Atlanta with pals Nelly and Jermaine Dupri.
Wow, 27 whole years without a DUI, a crotch shot or a SCRAM bracelet. And somewhere in all that legal, respectable activity, she managed to win a Grammy and be the first female to have three singles in the Billboard Hot 100 in the same week.
Tragically, this means the only time we write about her is on her birthday.