Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Angelina Jolie

Angelina Jolie: Fainty McFainterson

I’m so glad I didn’t run this story the first it happened. Happier still that I didn’t run it the second time it happened. See, folks, it’s not that I find all this business of Angelina Jolie fainting nilly-willy about India to be incredibly, tediously boring, it’s that I was waiting for it to happen a third time. Why take up perfectly good column inches writing about Jolie’s first two utterly irrelevant Indian fainting spells when you just know it will be a way bigger story when it happens the third time?

I am such a good journalist. Good ole’ Angie passed her damn self right out for the third time in India, where she’s been filming A Mighty Heart alongside home-wreckee Brad Pitt, who’s producing the film. Apparently Angelina is just so immersed in the character of Marianne Pearl, who lost her husband, journalist Daniel Pearl, at the hands of terrorists in Pakistan, that she just faints at the thought of a single drop of attention moving away from her and onto the genuinely tragic and terrifying story the film is trying to tell.

Okay, Angie. All eyes on you. Faint away, dear.

Friday Afternoon Links fo’ Yo Ass

Angelina Jolie just hates it when photogs catch pictures of Shiloh without forking over the requisite $4M. [Just Jared]

Nicole Kidman’s husband, country singer Keith Urban, is the latest celeb to enter rehab for an alcoholism relapse. It’s going to be okay, Nicole. Remember, there’s still no twelve-step program for Scientology. [Allie is Wired]
The Hills
‘ L.C. is officially dating Brody Jenner, the ex-boyfriend of her Laguna Beach nemesis, Kristin Cavallari. No comment yet from Cavallari, but we’re keeping a close eye on her t-shirts. [Hollyscoop]

Break out the weed and the slap bracelets. Fraggle Rock is coming to the big screen. [popbytes]

Breaking! Kevin Federline may not be the model father you’d previously believed him to be. Well, at least you were right about the model part. [PopCultureWhore]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Christie Brinkley is such a rock star. [Teddy and Moo]

Angelina Jolie’s Blackface Not a Big Hit with One Black Person

The casting (and cosmetic skin-darkening) of Angelina Jolie as the mixed-race Marianne Pearl in the upcoming A Mighty Heart, about the life and death of journalist Daniel Pearl, is reportedly drawing some criticism.

“I had assumed that the days when white actors took on the roles of black people had long passed away… There are mixed-race or black actresses who could have done a damn good job in this role,” says the blogger at, continuing that “what is taking place here is an act of arrogance and whitewashing by people who think that because they are super-rich they can be anything they want.”

What does the actual Marianne Pearl think of all this? “I’m delighted Angelina Jolie will be playing my role. I deeply admire her work.”

Honestly, what’s retarded to me about all this is that the blogger wrote this stuff in mid-July. Personally, I agree with very little of what she says, but why is it surfacing in mid-October? Is it because now we have photos from the set of Angie with dark skin (which appears to be perfectly tastefully done)? Are we vamping up the publicity process for the movie via a single blogger whose opinion, voiced briefly nearly three months ago, is being twisted to represent that of the entire African American community? Did no one else actually visit to read the blogger’s comments in context?

Donald Trump Thinks Angelina Jolie’s a Dirty Slut

Finally The Donald and I agree on something. Because I’m still mad that Randal beat out Rebecca, and that was like 8 seasons ago. From a recent interview on Larry King Live.

KING: OK, back to some thing current. You recently applauded Brad Pitt’s stance on not marrying Angelina Jolie. I believe you said that you consider everyone — when he said everyone should be married but don’t bug him, why?

TRUMP: Well, look, number one, I know her father. Her father is a nice guy. I think she treats him like a dog but maybe they have some kind of a thing.

KING: Yes, why, he’s a good guy?

TRUMP: I mean this poor sap he comes along and he practically begs her, “I want to see my grandson. I want to see this.” I mean if I were with him, I’d say “Forget it. It’s over.”

KING: He’s also a great actor, Jon Voight.

TRUMP: I think he’s a great actor and she just treats him terribly. She’s been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby, OK, with the other side. And, I just don’t even find her attractive. That has nothing to do with why I said it though.

He made that statement, right, and he made it like he’s doing this wonderful thing for humanity. I think he probably made it just because he doesn’t want to get married, which is, you know, not so bad.

KING: You’ve been quoted…

TRUMP: But I’m not a fan of hers as you probably noticed.

Check out more of the transcript for Trump’s esteemed opinions on K-Fed and Paris Hilton.

Brangelina Treated Like Normal Human Beings by a Gym

  • I bet Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson have really deep pillow talk. “I know many consider Thus Spoke Zarathustra to be Nietzsche’s most important work, Jess, but I’ve personally always felt it to be Ecce Homo, with it’s ultimate emphasis on transvaluation.” “I concur, Dane. So very heartily.”
  • Sigourney Weaver injures her knee on a trampoline while filming a movie. “You have to learn what not to do with your knees,” says the actress, ostensibly to Lindsay Lohan.

Early Morning Musings: Cameron Diaz ASSAULTED!

  • People in this country seem to think it would be a good thing if Lindsay Lohan moved to London. Such thinking belies a tacit ignorance of the economic underpinnings of our nation. A drastic shift in the supply/demand curve of the blow industry impacts all of us.
  • Cameron Diaz filed a police report accusing a photog of assault with a deadly weapon.
  • Angelina and Brad continue their tireless quest to buy our forgiveness, donating $1M each to the Global Action for Children and Doctors Without Borders. It’s really pathetic, you know, behaving as though a vast improvement in quality of life for thousands of third-world children in any way makes up for the broken heart of one first-world Jennifer Aniston. You two sicken me.
  • Someone went Wild On…Brooke Burke. Check out pics of her preggers. And, for the record, I tried very hard to think of something more current to pun on than an E! series she wrapped four years ago, but that’s really all there is for her.
  • No, silly, Chris Klein did not impregnant Katie Holmes. An alien did.

Brad Pitt Peeks Out from Angelina Jolie’s Shadow, Says Something Important

Don’t get me wrong: I’m still mad at Brad Pitt. When he walked out on Jennifer Aniston, I felt like he took all my fairytale-marriage-to-Brad-Pitt dreams along with him. You’d think they would have evaporated when he married Jennifer Aniston, and, consequently, not me, but somehow they persisted still. Like I could have my fairytale marriage to Brad Pitt through Rachel Green. I soaked up every minute of our power-couple union. What kind of person operates in such a distorted, delusional reality? I’ll tell you: it’s the same kind of person who writes a celebrity gossip blog.

So when he left us for that whorecake of a U.N. Goodwill Ambassador (that’s not even a real ambassador, I’ll have you know), I was pissed. It was totally uncool. I felt jilted, betrayed. I was mad at him.

Then he shows up on the cover of Esquire looking ridiculously hot and broody, and what does he say about his relationship with Captain Whorebreath?

“Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able.”

And when you set aside the fact that Brad Pitt just boldly advocated polygamy and child brides to a well-respected men’s publication, it’s really a very nice sentiment, and I may take his photo off my dartboard, just for this week.