Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Angelina Jolie

People Magazine Gets First Pics of Brangelina Babies

Is is possible that, for once, OK! magazine didn’t get the baby photos?

It appears People magazine has come out on top in the bidding war for the Brangelina twin photos. People will pay between $10-15M for the photos (the exact figure has not been released). Brad & Angie will, of course, donate the cash to charity.

Normally I don’t give a crap about celebrity baby photos — because all babies just look like babies to me — but for some reason I’m really excited to see these photos. I want to see if the babies have wings and halos. I betcha they do. If not, they can at least levitate. I’m certain of that.

Angelina Jolie Thinks It’s Cute That Her Son Draws Machine Guns

”Mad, our 6-year-old, draws lots of war scenarios. ‘He’s all into war and guns. So for Mother’s Day he drew a machine gun, and Brad had it made into a necklace, which is really sweet. It’s really cute. I think it’s really good!”

Angelina Jolie, in a new interview with Entertainment Weekly. She wore the gun necklace for the photo shoot.

Um, is it just me or does this kind of go against everything Angie stands for? I’m confused.

Pregnant and Helping

Angelina Jolie at “Iraq, Education, and Children of Conflict” Pictures, Photos

Okay, seriously, when my ass gets pregnant, I am going to sit on the fucking couch all day long and be like “BRING ME MORE PICKLES AND FRO-YO!” Even if no one else is home, I’m going to yell that, just because, and I’m going to do nothing all day long but be pregnant and whiny and demanding and urinating, because I am single-handedly perpetuating the species and I have a right to do whatever the fuck I feel like.

Angelina Jolie is much more mature than I.

Even though she’s waaaay preggers, she still took time out to represent the Jolie-Pitt Foundation at a Washington DC discussion titled “Iraq, Education, and Children of Conflict.”

A thousand years from now, I swear to you, Angelina Jolie is going to be a fucking religion, and the Angelinians are going to be murdering, like, Scientologists, somewhere in the Middle East, and it’s all going to be very, very ironic.

I Guess There Was No Brangelina Wedding This Weekend

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Star magazine, who first issued the story, has printed a retraction:

Sources in a position to have information regarding a secret wedding ceremony between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had confirmed to Star that the couple married in the French Quarter Wedding Chapel on Saturday, March 29. “There were two weddings, one planned and one unplanned,” one source told Star. “Brad and Angelina’s was the planned ceremony. The weather wasn’t good, so we were indoors.” After further investigation, the sources are not standing by their story. Brad and Angelina’s reps have not commented.

Someone over at Star is getting FIRED.

Hillary Clinton and Angelina Jolie Probably Shouldn’t Mate

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Because it turns out they’re ninth cousins.

And Brad Pitt? He’s a ninth cousin of Barack Obama.

OMG.

Only on a slow news day, people. Only on a slow news day.

Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769, the researchers found.

Clinton … and Jolie, meanwhile, are ninth cousins, twice removed because they are both related to Jean Cusson who died in St. Sulpice, Quebec, in 1718.

Seriously?

And I went to elementary school with John McCain’s daughter. No, really, I did. She was a couple of years below me. I was her 4th grade reading buddy. She wore big red glasses and she was adorable. I’m gonna call my PR agency. We oughtta issue a press release on a slow news day.