8Hillary Clinton and Angelina Jolie Probably Shouldn’t Mate

Because it turns out they’re ninth cousins.

And Brad Pitt? He’s a ninth cousin of Barack Obama.

OMG.

Only on a slow news day, people. Only on a slow news day.

Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769, the researchers found.

Clinton … and Jolie, meanwhile, are ninth cousins, twice removed because they are both related to Jean Cusson who died in St. Sulpice, Quebec, in 1718.

Seriously?

And I went to elementary school with John McCain’s daughter. No, really, I did. She was a couple of years below me. I was her 4th grade reading buddy. She wore big red glasses and she was adorable. I’m gonna call my PR agency. We oughtta issue a press release on a slow news day.

March 26, 2008 at 2:19 am by Evil Beet

27“Shut Up and Eat Your Cheetos!”

Update: Photo removed because it violated some manner of copyright blah blah blah. Sorry.

Jesus, Angelina.

Do you really want another?

You know, if you feel like it’s too much, you could just have the baby and then put it up for adoption in Africa. How much fun would that be??? There are plenty of needy African families who would know exactly what to do with a beautiful white baby.

March 17, 2008 at 5:45 pm by Evil Beet

9No, Seriously, Angelina Jolie Is Pregnant

First off, I have to express my thanks to Lars and Evil T. They have been amazing about posting and staying on top of things as I have moved seamlessly from one personal crisis to the next this month. They no longer work for me and I no longer pay them, and they have been doing this purely out of love for me and all things gossip, and I am immensely grateful.

That said, when I saw T’s post about Angelina Jolie’s baby bump, my reaction was the same as some of yours: this is sooooo Photoshopped. That is the fakest-looking damn baby bump ever. I was like, “Where the hell did T find that ridiculous fake photo?” After some research, I discovered the answer: she found it using the WireImage subscription I had specifically instructed her to use.

Yes, folks, that’s a real photo.

To drive home the point, I’ve included here several additional photos from the same event.

She’s either pregnant, or she has the most unfortunate tumor I’ve ever seen.

February 24, 2008 at 11:11 pm by Evil Beet

27Uh, I Think She is Preggers

Angelina Jolie pretty much told the world “so ya guys I’m totally pregnant” by wearing a clingy black dress to the Independent Spirit Awards. I can’t get over the fact that she is totally with child yet still has skinny arms. I am 5’3” and when I decide to pop out kids I feel like I am going to get as wide as I am tall.

Honestly, I am so jealous of those women who pregnancy seems to make them hotter. Sigh. I can’t wait to see if this kid (or kids…as some media outlets are speculating) is going to be as cute as the other members of their brood.

I wonder where this kid will end up being born? Africa? Asia? Some strange remote Island?

February 23, 2008 at 9:05 pm by EvilT

2Pax is Legit

TMZ is reporting that Pax’s adoption to Angelina and Brad has been finalized.

The adoption had to be approved in both Vietnam and L.A. (which aren’t as dissimilar as you may think) – the L.A. step was finalized yesterday.

Congrats to proud Momma, Poppa, and Pax.

February 21, 2008 at 1:37 pm by Spiteful Lars

18In Case You Missed It

Check out Angelina Jolie’s interview with CNN from Baghdad.

February 7, 2008 at 1:16 pm by Evil Beet