• That girl with two vaginas? She has a blog now.
• 24-year-old fashion assistant Bridget Grish gets fired from Life & Style after her amateur porn videos show up on the web. There’s a lesson in there somewhere, I’m sure of it.
• Harry Morton — La Lohan’s latest squeeze — wants to lend his Mexican-cum-vagina-themed restaurant’s name, Pink Taco, to the Arizona Cardinals new stadium. There’s an Arizona-Cardinals-are-pussies joke to be made here, but after writing the previous sentence, I’m in no mood to think it up.
• No one wants to see the AmIdol tour. Which is surprising only when you consider that the So You Think You Can Dance tour is selling out most cities in minutes. Maybe next season they should divide the performers up by race.

Excuse the brief leave of absence, folks; in the wake of the Kate Hudson/Strange Bearded Man separation, I needed a mental health day. It happens. I’m much better now, thanks for asking.

So let’s catch up, shall we?

For no discernable reason whatsoever, Justin Timberlake went on record with Vanity Fair to announce his unbridled ire for the vocal stylings of American Idol’s Taylor Hicks. From MSN:

“People think he looks so normal, and he’s so sweet and he’s so earnest, but he can’t carry a tune in a bucket,” Timberlake told Fashion Rocks, a supplement of Vanity Fair. Timberlake also thinks that Hicks’ fame is fragile. “If [Hicks] has any skeletons whatsoever, if God forbid, he’s gay, and if all these people in Mississippi who voted for him are like [then he takes on a thick southern accent], ‘Oh my god, I voted for a queer!’ It’s just too much pressure.”

We get it, Justin. You smoke weed, you sport a tat, you’re banging Jordan Catalano’s ex, and you’ve risen to that pined-for pinnacle of your career at which your album titles can eschew the space bar entirely. No more Mr. Nice Guy for you, JT. You are hardcore, and what better way to put the nail in your boy-band image coffin than to go on record questioning both the vocal skills and heterosexuality of last season’s AmIdol winner? You are so. Fucking. Cool. Yo.

Regarding his raven-haired former flame, he says “I dated Britney half my life, but I don’t know that woman anymore.” Okay. Memo to Brit: the win-him-back plan didn’t work. Cut your losses now.

Some final items:

• MSNBC’s Jason Katzman realizes that Will Ferrell is marketable, easy to pitch for. Screenwriters Guild of America sooo pissed their secret leaked. [MSNBC]
• Taylor Hicks is “writing” a “memoir.” It’s really cute when old people do that. [UPI via Jossip]
• ScoJo got one of those gross bull-style nose rings. I’m not sure whether I blame Woody Allen or Josh Hartnett. [Just Jared]
• If there is anyone on this planet who would have absolutely no reason — contractual, blackmail-related or career healthwise — to lie about having seen Suri Cruise, it is, without a doubt, Penelope Fucking Cruz. [Chicago Trib, every major news outlet you don't read because everything you care about that happened today was covered by one of your 12 favorite blogs -- yes, you, you gorgeous, precious, blog-reading demographic, with your over-30 age bracket and near-six-figured average annual income. Check MSNBC every now and then, would ya? You were, like, thisclose to not finding out today that solid Will Ferrell vehicles are a dime a dozen. Sheesh.]