Today's Evil Beet Gossip
American Idol

Justin Guarini: Explained?

The kids over at JMansWorld, a Justin Guarini fan site (wrap your head around that), got wind of the little Justin Guarini mystery I’ve been trying to solve. And by “trying to solve,” I of course mean “not trying to solve.” Specifically, how was this guy the #1 requested celeb on E! Online for a significant portion of August 31 of this year? They did the digging that I was too apathetic to even attempt, and found an article on E! Online from August 30 titled “Making the Most of the ‘Idol’ Experience,” about the people who didn’t win AmIdol, and all the albums they haven’t sold since doing so. Guarini was only mentioned briefly at the end, and only in the context of his utter irrelevance today, but apparently E! Online’s readers know a good trainwreck when they see it, and enough of them spent some time rubber-necking to push him to the #1 spot on E!’s list of most requested celebs.

The well-meaning kids at his fan site have concluded that “The only explanation…is that people genuinely want to know WHAT JUSTIN’S UP TO!”

And you’re right, guys, that’s exactly what people want to know, but not because they hope to borrow their Mom’s Sentra to sing along at his upcoming mall tour; more likely, they are hopelessly intrigued by a life and a hairstyle more publicly embarrassing than their own.

Case closed.

What the Fuck is Going on at E! Online Right Now???

From their front page right now:

In case you can’t read that, this is what it says (emphasis mine):


Updated Hourly

1. Justin Guarini
2. Britney Spears
3. Paris Hilton
4. Angelina Jolie
5. Jessica Simpson
6. Ashlee Simpson

Oh my God, what is going on? Who are you people? What could you possibly hope to find?

It says “Updated Hourly,” not “Updated in 2002.” I checked three times.

Help me understand.

Update: The kids at his fan site have helped me solve the mystery. Thanks for your hard work, guys!

Will Someone Please Do Something about Paula Abdul?

I’ve written several intros to this video and I keep erasing them. It’s easy to poke fun at Paula Abdul’s substance abuse problem. It’s so painfully obvious on AmIdol that I find myself exclaiming “Wow, I think she’s sober tonight” in the rare instance that she appears to be.

You’d think she’d have people around her to do something about this. I mean, even if they can’t keep her from guzzling liquor and vicodin, at least they could keep her off of live television for the night. But the folks at E! caught her on Emmy night, and asked her questions she proceeded to answer using her best impression of an overtired 5-year-old. I’m kind of sad for her, actually. I’ve decided the only reason she can get through tapings of AmIdol is that they film it in the afternoon — clearly, by nightfall, she’s totally incoherent.

The sound and picture quality get better about 15 seconds in.

More Odds & Ends: Vaginas Everywhere!

…And We’re Back

Excuse the brief leave of absence, folks; in the wake of the Kate Hudson/Strange Bearded Man separation, I needed a mental health day. It happens. I’m much better now, thanks for asking.

So let’s catch up, shall we?

For no discernable reason whatsoever, Justin Timberlake went on record with Vanity Fair to announce his unbridled ire for the vocal stylings of American Idol’s Taylor Hicks. From MSN:

“People think he looks so normal, and he’s so sweet and he’s so earnest, but he can’t carry a tune in a bucket,” Timberlake told Fashion Rocks, a supplement of Vanity Fair. Timberlake also thinks that Hicks’ fame is fragile. “If [Hicks] has any skeletons whatsoever, if God forbid, he’s gay, and if all these people in Mississippi who voted for him are like [then he takes on a thick southern accent], ‘Oh my god, I voted for a queer!’ It’s just too much pressure.”

We get it, Justin. You smoke weed, you sport a tat, you’re banging Jordan Catalano’s ex, and you’ve risen to that pined-for pinnacle of your career at which your album titles can eschew the space bar entirely. No more Mr. Nice Guy for you, JT. You are hardcore, and what better way to put the nail in your boy-band image coffin than to go on record questioning both the vocal skills and heterosexuality of last season’s AmIdol winner? You are so. Fucking. Cool. Yo.

Regarding his raven-haired former flame, he says “I dated Britney half my life, but I don’t know that woman anymore.” Okay. Memo to Brit: the win-him-back plan didn’t work. Cut your losses now.

Closing Time

Some final items:

  • MSNBC’s Jason Katzman realizes that Will Ferrell is marketable, easy to pitch for. Screenwriters Guild of America sooo pissed their secret leaked. [MSNBC]
  • Taylor Hicks is “writing” a “memoir.” It’s really cute when old people do that. [UPI via Jossip]
  • ScoJo got one of those gross bull-style nose rings. I’m not sure whether I blame Woody Allen or Josh Hartnett. [Just Jared]
  • If there is anyone on this planet who would have absolutely no reason — contractual, blackmail-related or career healthwise — to lie about having seen Suri Cruise, it is, without a doubt, Penelope Fucking Cruz. [Chicago Trib, every major news outlet you don't read because everything you care about that happened today was covered by one of your 12 favorite blogs -- yes, you, you gorgeous, precious, blog-reading demographic, with your over-30 age bracket and near-six-figured average annual income. Check MSNBC every now and then, would ya? You were, like, thisclose to not finding out today that solid Will Ferrell vehicles are a dime a dozen. Sheesh.]