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American Idol

6Why is Tila Tequila Singing Again? Fucking Why?

Tila sings. Acapella. And raps. Poorly. Oh, man, if this isn’t trainwreck entertainment at its best, nothing is. She kind of reminds me of Snoop … you know, if Snoop wasn’t talented, male and coherent (at least most of the time).

Hearing her sing without music behind her actually reminds me of a time when Tila was pure … ish. It was January or February of 2005 and I’d embarked on my first tour of New Orleans’ Mardi Gras and my friends and I were completely — completely — wasted. We’d spent all day (and the previous night … and the day before … and the previous night before that) drinking. We had hit up pretty much every bar in the vicinity of Bourbon Street three times over at that point and Fat Tuesday was fast-approaching. We made another pilgrimage to one of the city’s hottest karaoke bars (yes, I’m a bona fide karaoke freak, thankyouverymuch) and stumbled upon none other than Ms. OMG herself, Tila Tequila. She was brunette then and didn’t have boobs as big as the lumpy mountains she calls tits now, but it was Tila in all of her cheerleader-skirt-with-garter-belts glory. She was just as wasted as the rest of us were and had her place on stage, dancing and grinding with the DJs. At that point, I didn’t really know who she was (other than another D-list famester) and I didn’t care much — that was the night that I got to sing a duet with a former contestant of American Idol, Desmond. If that was even his name. We sang Prince’s “Kiss” and it made my night. Tila had slithered off during the course of the evening, but I’ll always remember her as that babbling, inebriated kewpie doll, dancing dangerously and swinging tattooed limbs all over the place. Good times.

Oh, yeah, and her gossip site is up and running. But please don’t jump ship on me. I promise to (try and) be way more entertaining than the non-pregnant, sometimes-lesbian, drug-and-alcohol addled Tila Tequila. They’re some pretty big boobs boots to fill, but I’m confident I can do it. Even if I have to go and rob CVS stores to prove it.

May 14, 2010 at 8:25 am by Sarah

29Ryan Seacrest Talks Crystal Bowersox Down

Guess our boho-tressed girlfriend had a little meltdown earlier in the month after a live taping of American Idol. After claiming that she “hated” the “attention” of the show because she couldn’t handle it (oh, come on), she admitted to Ryan and other individuals that she was throwing in the towel on the entire competition and had decided to head home to her family in Ohio. The ordeal was said to go down in an “empty lot” behind the studios one night after an episode wrapped.

Seacrest, who was apparently there, made no bones about his thoughts toward her winning this year’s entire competition; eyewitnesses claim that Seacrest told Crystal that if she won the competition, she’s receive a recording contract and reap all the benefits of being a millionaire. Seacrest went on to play the sympathy card by saying, “The greatest thing I ever did was make enough money so I could buy my mom a house. You can buy your mom a house.”

Damn, the drama. I mean, hissy fits in empty parking lots? Holy, crazy tension.  I can just imagine: the other Idol contestants, circling like vultures, leering and pulling faces while snapping the intro to “Jets and Sharks.” A spotlight emerges from a hidden alcove on the building’s exterior, illuminating the silhouettes of Bowersox and Seacrest so that they appear to be radiant beings of golden light — a fight to the finish.

Melodrama’s so thick you can almost chew it.

April 16, 2010 at 6:18 am by Sarah

20I Have This Feeling That American Idol‘s on the Chopping Block

With this being judge Simon Cowell’s last year, I thought the show was going to go to pieces. But then they brought on Ellen, whom I adore and I rationalized that they’d never cancel the show after one season of Ellen judging. She’s as big as Santa Claus … or at least Oprah, at any rate. She’d only sign on if this were something “serious,” right?

Well, sources have definitely confirmed that bandleader “Rickey Minor” will be leaving American Idol after the end of this season to pursue a career on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.

The 2010 season of American Idol is said to close on or around the end of May and representatives for Minor state that he’ll start his new gig with Leno on June 7th of this year.

I have a feeling … that FOX network is trying to sneak-attack everyone with these abrupt show cancellations. First 24 (my favorite show, like, in all of the world’s history of television) and now it looks like American Idol.

This was gonna be my year, man. I’d frittered and wasted so many years leading up to the 2010 season of American Idol and dammit, I promised myself that tryouts for the 2011 season were mine. The National Enquirer claims to have info stating that Idol won’t end until 2012 — and that’ll be a good thing. For me.

If FOX cancels this show before I get my audition … dude, there’s going to be hell to pay.

April 14, 2010 at 5:24 am by Sarah
Filed Under: American Idol

524 Cancelled?!

I sure hope, for my own peace of mind, that these rumors aren’t true.

24, starring Kiefer Sutherland, has been one of my favorite shows. Of all time.  And this is coming from someone who doesn’t even watch TV.

Insiders at Fox are claiming that the show’s 10-year run is quickly coming to a close. According to Nielsen,  the show’s ratings have consistently dropped over the past few years and the show’s executives allegedly state that it’s becoming far too expensive to produce with lagging ratings and lack of viewership.

However, whether this is true or not, 24 addicts are sure to be left with a warm and fuzzy feeling — Sutherland, who is also one of the show’s executive producers, has been in talks to implement the long-running television drama for a shot at the silver screen.  Again.

24‘s famed ticking-clock sound effect isn’t reserved only for this show; American Idol canned Paula this past season and now the show’s lifeblood, Simon Cowell, ticks down his last days on Idol, this year,too.  Talks of Howard Stern joining the show haven’t panned out and it seems that the Fox-run American Idol is on the rocks these days more than anything else.

What’s next, cancelling House? Excuse me while I go slit my wrists, Fox.

March 10, 2010 at 7:21 am by Sarah

5We Probably Wont Be Seeing Ellen and Howard Together Any Time Soon

There’s been talk that Howard Stern will be joining the panel of judges of American Idol after Simon leaves at the end of this season, but Ellen DeGeneres has spoken out saying that she wants nothing to do with the shock jock. Turns out the feeling is mutual, and Howard said as much to Entertainment Tonight at the Green Zone premiere in New York on Thursday. “Ellen has said she won’t work with me, but quite frankly, after watching her on the stupid show, I gotta tell ya, I won’t work with Ellen. She’s out if I come in,” he said.

Is Ellen leaving after only one season a possibility? As far as I see it, absolutely. It’s common for a celebrity as big as Ellen to step in to a job like that for one year and then peace out when they realize they’re not the star. Take Rosie on The View for example. I still think the combo of Howard and Ellen would be a clashing of the egos so legendary that it will truly be a tragedy if it doesn’t happen, but if the two of them did a switcheroo, I wouldn’t mind that either.

February 27, 2010 at 9:07 am by Molls


“There’s not a better job on the planet than judging that fucking karaoke contest. It might be possible, we’ll see. They’d have to pay me a ton of dough because I already make a ton of dough.”

- Howard Stern confirming that there is a chance he could take over Simon’s seat at American Idol.

I know Kelly expressed yesterday that she’s not a huge Stern fan, but me? I LOVE Howard and I think that him becoming a judge on American Idol would be one of the best things to happen to television ever. Remember how crazy things got over at The View when Rosie took over for Meredith Vierra? You stick Howard Stern and his ego next to Ellen and her ego and Randy Jackson and whatever entitlement issues he has from being the only original remaining judge, and you’ve got yourself an explosive combo. Oh yeah, and that other chick judge who is invisible to me. She’ll still be there too. I am totally hoping this happens.

February 8, 2010 at 3:13 pm by Molls