Remember the Bling Ring? Alexis Neiers, the chick who basically headed up the whole thing and then got that E! show Pretty Wild, she’s in rehab for heroin addiction. That happened like a month ago after the cops busted her with a balloon full of the stuff. Then yesterday we learned that her sister Tess Taylor, who also starred on Pretty Wild, is also in rehab for heroin addiction. What the fuck is going on with this family?
Alexis and Taylor’s mother, Andrea Arlington, made a statement about Tess’s rehab stay, saying, “Approximately two weeks ago after a lot of coaxing from sister Alexis and myself, and after almost losing her life, Tess contacted Greg Hannley, owner of the SOBA Recovery center in Malibu and asked for help.”
She also said that her daughter was down to just 93 lbs. by the time she finally agreed to go into treatment.
Uhhh, look. I’ve never personally dealt with a situation like this, so you’ll have to pardon my ignorance, but how does this even happen? Are these girls this way because of shitty parenting, over or underexposure to the finer things or some sort of lethal combination? My suburban Massachusetts brain can’t even begin to wrap itself around this kind of behavior.
The description, we’re told, reads in part: “Think Gossip Girl goes to Hollywood — It is a cautionary tale as well as a guilty pleasure; the reader is plunged into the crazy, out-of-control world of one of Hollywood’s most infamous party girls.” Oddly, no mention of her being an ex-con.
Guuuuurrrrl. No! NO! I will not stand for this. The only book that Alexis Neiers needs to write is her memoirs. I want to read the memoirs of a barely legal burglar from a wealthy family and that’s all I want to read.
That’s the rule in general for celebrity books. I want to read whatever that famous person thinks is the most balanced, honest and interesting representation of themselves and then I want to laugh at it. Jennifer Love Hewitt’s dating book is like, off the chains insane. And have you read Tori Spellings books? Bitch is on one. You know whose memoirs I really enjoyed, though? Faith Evans. She had a ghostwriter and it read a little bit like she was trying to do a Maya Angelou impression, but there was some solid stuff in there.
While were here, does anyone have any good celebrity memoir recommendations for me?
I was so excited about this girl being in the cell next to Lindsay’s and the BFF adventures they would inevitably have, the relationship that would grow out of their common bond of being questionably entitled fashionistas in ugly jumpsuits. But I guess that just wasn’t meant to be.
“I could start hearing like what was going on in there, I tried to just, really just keep to myself and the last thing I really want to hear, you know, when you’re trying to be so strong and just get through the day.”
First of all, use your words, Alexis Neiers. If you can’t communicate better than that, you’re going to have a tough time parlaying your thievery into more undeserved fame. Secondly, way to make a stupid choice. When ol’ Fire Crotch herself is crying within hearing distance of you and when you are so clearly a fame whore, you grab onto that opportunity with all that you’ve got. I’m disappointed, Alexis, I really am.