Shia LaBeouf has been a bit of a mess since… well, always, but especially ever since quitting Broadway’s production of Orphans in February over “creative differences” with co-star Alec Baldwin. Then he started posting all of his private emails and antagonizing Alec and even showed up to a performance of the show and stared him down the whole time. But he’s totally not fucking with him, not at all!

While appearing on David Letterman, Shia explained that he “had tension, as men – not as artists – as men” with Alec. Uh, okay.

“I’m pretty passionate and impulsive, and he’s a very passionate individual as well. And I think that impulsiveness and that passion make for some fireworks.”

He went on to say that he went to see Orphans as “a fan” and thinks Alec Baldwin is generally a “good dude”. Well, that’s a relief. I don’t even get what this whole thing is about. Shia was probably being a little twerp during rehearsals and Alec swatted him down like an annoying fly, which he didn’t take too well to and up and quit. That’s just my take, but what else even makes sense here?

Shia LaBeouf is a really good internet troll, and he’s bringing his love of unleashing madcap asshattery to real life! You may recall that Mr. LaBeouf was going to make his Broadway debut with Alec Baldwin in a play titled Orphans. About 2 weeks in, Shia “You’re Not My Real Dad, My Real Dad Always Lets Me Have Tostinos Pizza Rolls Before Bedtime” LaBeouf started to lose it and was fired. There were rumors he brought a real knife to rehearsals and couldn’t work with Mr. Baldwin.

After Mr. LaBeouf’s exit, he got 4chan on everyone by turning into an internet troll, screwing with his former cast and crew. He sent everyone a long and bizarre letter about “what it means to be a man” that sounded sort of like an apology and turned out to be an article he copied from Esquire.

Not done yet, he tweeted screen caps of private emails. Emails from the play’s director to Shia “I Play By Fourth Grade Rules” LaBeouf and emails from LaBeouf to Baldwin and vice versa. He also tweeted something about theater actors that was definitely a veiled reference to Baldwin, so Baldwin referred to film actors as “celebrity chefs”. This provoked LaBeouf to then tweet a screen cap one of Baldwin’s emails, coupled with the word “chef.”

You caught up?

The damn play finally opened (in previews) yesterday, with Ben Foster in LaBeouf’s role. And guess who was sitting in the front row?

A spokeswoman for the production told The New York Times that LaBeouf turned up solo after buying a ticket and did not formally alert producers that he planned on attending.

Well, duh. What fun would that be for him? E Online has more,

At one point midway through the play, Baldwin appeared to notice the thesp from the stage, but did not react. At the curtain call, LaBeouf reportedly was among the first rise to his feet for the standing ovation and applauded fervently. When Ben Foster—the actor who replaced him—took his bow and pointed to him, Shia was said to have smacked the stage with his palm in approval. He then bolted the theater shortly thereafter and could not be reached for comment.

I wish I could have seen Alec Baldwin’s face.

Shia LaBeouf is like a really scaled down, non-threatening, just really annoying version of The Joker. Some men just want to watch the world get lukewarm.

Shia LeBeouf is still obsessed with this whole Orphans drama. Mr. LaBeouf was going to star in the Broadway play, Orphans, with Alec Baldwin, directed by Dan Sullivan. But things got weird during rehearsals. For example, according to the NY Post, LaBeouf brought a knife to set — not a swiss army knife, an actual knife — because he thought his character “would carry one.” It made everyone uncomfortable and it wasn’t long after this that LaBeouf was fired, though they’re trying to say it was an amicable split.

Since LaBeouf left, he’s still had it in for Baldwin, and has been taunting him through Twitter. Yesterday Baldwin commented on Shia’s tweet “Theater belongs not to the great but to the brash” with, “I don’t think he’s in a good position to be giving interpretations of what the theater is and what the theater isn’t…many film actors, though, who are purely film actors, they’re kind of like celebrity chefs, you know what I mean? You hand them the ingredients, and they whip it up, and they cook it, and they put it on a plate, and they want a round of applause.”

Shia “I Play By Fourth Grade Rules” LaBeouf couldn’t just leave that comment sitting there, so today he tweeted “chef” with a screencap of an email director Dan Sullivan sent him shortly before rehearsals saying this:

Don’t be too surprised if Alec doesn’t look up from his script much for the first few days. I suspect he’s not nearly as prepared as you are. Not unusual at all when actors have a good long rehearsal time like we have. I just don’t want it to throw you. I did a reading of another play once with Alec and about 10 minutes in I thought, ‘Oh, I guess he’s just going to read it.’

Mr. LaBeouf also tweeted “celebrity” with another screencap of an email in which he calls Baldwin “chief” (chief, not chef) and Baldwin replies, “Listen, boy, I’m not your f-cking chief” that he then forwarded to Sullivan. (See that here.)

WHAT IS HE DOING? HE IS LOSING HIS MIND! Someone needs to change his Twitter password before he gets a face full of Baldwin fist. GET OVER YOURSELF, SHIA!

Alec Baldwin is so over Shia LaBeouf and the silly things he says and tweets. Mr. Shia “Stop Please Just Stop” LaBeouf and Mr. Baldwin were working on a Broadway play together up until LaBeouf went crazy and quit (or got fired, depending on who you believe. I think he was fired.) He then proceeded to release a series of bizarre emails and tweets about the production. Last night, LaBeouf tweeted, “The theater belongs not to the great but to the brash.”

Alec Baldwin responded. From Vulture,

I can tell you that, in all honesty, I don’t think he’s in a good position to be giving interpretations of what the theater is and what the theater isn’t. I mean, he was never in the theater. He came into a rehearsal room for six or seven days and, uh — you know, sometimes film actors — I mean, there are people who are film actors who have a great legacy in the theater. Some of the greatest movie stars had really serious theater careers and still do. And many film actors, though, who are purely film actors, they’re kind of like celebrity chefs, you know what I mean? You hand them the ingredients, and they whip it up, and they cook it, and they put it on a plate, and they want a round of applause. In the theater, we don’t just cook the food and serve it. You go out in the garden and you plant the seeds and you grow it. You know, it’s a really very, very long, slow, deliberate — it’s the opposite of film acting. It’s a much more intensive and kind of thoughtful process. And there are people who that’s just not their thing. So for those people who I think it’s not their thing, I’m not really interested in their opinion of it. But thanks.

Boom. Although much debate about whether Mr. Baldwin is actually a theater actor versus a film actor could be had, he definitely knows more about being a theater actor than Shia LaBeouf, who is completely annoying. He also knows more about the fine craft of acting in a series of Capital One commercials.

Alec Baldwin has the temper of a raging Irishman after a few rounds of drinks when his favourite rugby team loses a championship game (how’s my stereotyping?) – we all know it and we love him for it in spite of this. Sure, he might call his kid a pig every now and then or get kicked off a flight for telling off a flight attendant (and playing Words with Friends), but at the end of the day, he’s just a bleeding heart liberal with an uncanny ability to look good in a suit and make pretty much everyone laugh.

I never really believed the accusations put forth by the New York Post that Baldwin used racial slurs against one of their reporters, calling him a “coon”, “crackhead” and “drug dealer”. Uh, no. Luckily, there was a recording of the conversation in question which cleared his okay-ish name.

From TMZ:

New info on the audio tape of the confrontation between Baldwin and the Post photog.  Sources tell us … there is NO mention of a racial slur on the tape.  And, we’re told, the initial story — that Baldwin allegedly said “I want to choke you to death” — is incorrect.  We’re told in fact Baldwin said, “I want you to choke to death,” which is exactly what Baldwin claimed he said.

Good to know. Though I love that anyone ever listens to the New York Post on anything. They’re one step above those supermarket tabloids with “exclusives” on the birth of Bat Boy.

I have so many emotions about this movie, you guys. Just so many. I mean, did you see that trailer? Honestly, did you watch it? Tom Cruise‘s hair? Alec Baldwin‘s hair? The entire concept of the movie? I just can’t, I can’t. This is exactly what I felt when Mamma Mia came out: equal amounts of disgust and intrigue, with sprinklings of disappointment and shame. These feelings are only magnified by the presence of Tom Cruise.

What about you? Are you excited about this? If so, were you also excited about Footloose? Because if both of those things are true, then we need to have a good long talk about good judgement and taste.

I just hate reading. I will take an episode of The New Girl over Dostoevsky every time.

I’d meticulously unsubscribed myself from every newspaper, magazine, and e-thing, just so I could give Alec Baldwin‘s Twitter feed my undivided attention, because if I have to read, I’d prefer it in 140-character snippets. But three days ago, Alec Baldwin deactivated his Twitter account. Oh, no! Oh, no! What will I read now?

You might remember that Baldwin was recently booted from an airplane for playing a popular Scrabble knockoff, ‘Words with Friends,’ on his iPhone—I liveblogged the incident—and this singular event has soured him to the entire human experience’s sum total. Did I mention he suspended his Twitter account? Alec! Play more ‘Angry Birds’ and you will love life again! I promise.

The real point is, my favorite Taiwanese news/animation studio has created a video detailing everything I just typed. Hooray! This means less reading for me! And you! Hooray! Hooray!

You guys! This is happening on Twitter right now.

Alec Baldwin just tweeted:

Flight attendant on American reamed me out 4 playing WORDS W FRIENDS while we sat at the gate, not moving. #nowonderamericaairisbankrupt

Apart from the full-body shudder I felt at the words “reamed me out,” ha! I love that Alec Baldwin is mad about this. (That last hashtag, by the way, alludes to American Airlines’ bankruptcy.)

Anyway, the story doesn’t stop there. Baldwin tweeted a few more times—that 30 Rock plays inflight on American, that United should buy Words With Friends, that he switched to a different flight… Wait, what?

Wow. I can’t tell whether Baldwin was thrown off the flight, or maybe he just raised a stink over his ability to play Words With Friends in first class (I’m putting my money on the latter).

Edit: Oh, boy, am I wrong. Baldwin was actually kicked off the plane, according to the Los Angeles Times and the NY Daily News (the “conflict escalated,” they report). All because he was playing Words With Friends! Ha!

American Airlines was quick to respond to Baldwin’s hissy fit:

@AlecBaldwin Mr. Baldwin, we are looking into this. Please DM us contact information.

OK, sure: there has been a lot of talk of revising the whole policy about air safety and electronics—it’s possible that your Sony Walkman has no influence on the flight navigation instruments at all—but there are reasons those policies are in place, Mr. Baldwin. And communication with air traffic control is just as crucial “at the gate, not moving” as it is during takeoff. Duh.

Baldwin did tweet that he’ll never fly American again:

#theresalwaysunited Last flight w American. Where retired Catholic school gym teachers from the 1950′s find jobs as flight attendants.

Alec Baldwin must be taxiing on the runway right now because his Twitter account has finally gone silent gotten really active again.

Around 1:00 AM in downtown New York City, police cornered protesters who have been camping in tents in Zuccotti Park (AKA “Liberty Park”) for the last two months as part of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Police, acting on an order from Mayor Bloomberg—the legality of which was specious—gave protesters only minutes to pack up and move, promising that the demonstrators would be able to return once police had “cleaned up” the area.

Then, for the next several hours, NYPD loaded protesters’ tents, food, equipment, and medical supplies into garbage trucks, confiscating as many as 5000 books that had been donated to the #OWS movement. Maybe more chillingly, all press was penned a safe distance away (and in the meantime, airspace above Zuccotti Park was also closed, so that even CNN’s helicopters couldn’t see in from overhead) in what was seemingly a concerted effort to squelch mainstream news coverage. City councilman Ydanis Rodriguez was supposedly beaten before his arrest, other reporters were arrested (with New York Times contributor Jared Malsin first among them), and still others had their press credentials taken away by police. But without the mainstream press present to either report or confirm, other stories—really damning, real-time reports and photos of police using tear gas and “sound bombing” to control the displaced crowds—had, by morning, become the stuff of speculation.

Meanwhile, celebrities on Twitter joined the outcry:

Joseph Gordon-Levitt:

Photo: ows peaceful gathering downtown. Police blocking our way. http://tmblr.co/ZfxHVyByoR3d

Russell Brand:

#OWS moved out of Liberty Park “because they’re blocking 1st responders”- here’s my 1st response “that’s bullsh—t.”

Eli Roth:

A real life horror movie is unfolding in NYC as police tear apart #OWS camp. Watch here: http://www.livestream.com/occupynyc Stay safe NYC

and:

Click #OWS for live streams & tweets. It’s surreal. Reports of beatings, pepper spray, no journalists allowed at all. Stay safe NYC.

Sir Alec Baldwin:

Bloomberg’s NY is no place for the 1st amendment. Bloomberg serves Wall Street, now and forever. And Wall Street cannot handle free speech.

Mark Ruffalo:

NYC Mayor takes play out of China’s playbook. Meets peaceful protesters with violent crack down, blocks media coverage, destroys property.

and:

People in Liberty Park were pepper sprayed. Police beat women. Press pushed out so they could not witness the crackdown. Dehumanizing 99% #Ows

John Hodgman:

If confirmed, the thing that really gets me about the OWS eviction is the trashing of the donated library. What a monstrous touch.

and:

RT @OccupyWallStNYC: http://pic.twitter.com/2wrzVz4p // OWS wasn’t always pretty. But if you think this looks better, you may now unfollow.

Wil Wheaton:

No, I’m not the 1%. I wish I had that much money and power, because if I did, I would use it to support #occupywallstreet.

If this sort of thing whets your whistle—and by “this sort of thing” I mean either mass uprisings or the future of journalism, I don’t even know—my favorite liveblog so far has come from Reuters. Except I think its editor, Anthony De Rosa, might need to take a nap soon.

I know, I know: nobody watches Saturday Night Live anymore. It was sooo-ooooo much better in the 2000s/1990s/1980s/1970s, back when so-and-so was on the show.

But—as if you could forget!—the SNL season premiere aired last night, and Alec Baldwin hosted for the 16th time. I will continue to never forgive Alec Baldwin for that time he was a huge jerk to me, but the guy is so, so talented anyway.

Steve Martin, who has hosted 15 times and has never been a jerk to me, made the obligatory gag cameo. I agree when New York Magazine wonders why he didn’t walk into the frame more than once, though. That would’ve been so cute! Like a running “Oh, no! Steve Martin is horning in on your glory” joke throughout the show.

Those hipsters at the A.V. Club have to hate on everything ever, and their recap snarked all over every great bit. If there weren’t a solid “B” score at the top of the screen, I would’ve assumed they hated the show completely. Here are two bright sketches that made the A.V. Club yawn:

Guess who’s going to be the opener for this year’s season of Saturday Night Live? Well, Alec Baldwin, which is appropriate, only because he’s done it forty-seven times or something like that, but the musical guest is going to be Radiohead. How off-the-hook is that? I just love Radiohead, and I especially love seeing them not in a huge venue that packs in 250k people all screaming and swaying and drinking and smoking and I can’t see a damn thing and then someone slips me something in something I shouldn’t be doing anyway and I have to spend a quarter of the show in the ladies’ room waiting for my unawareness that the world is both spinning and rotating to come back.

Yep. I’m looking forward to seeing Radiohead from the confines of my living room, because at least there, it is safe. Er. Ish.

SNL premieres this Saturday at 11:30 PM EST.

Is it Don Henley, is that who I’m thinking of? Or is it some mixed-up cousin of El Guapo (or did your lame ass never see The Three Amigos)?

Anyway, Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand were photographed and subsequently Tweet bombed by movie director Adam Shankman for Rock of Ages, the very flick that the two currently have in production, and this was the result.

Also, is anyone else seriously creeped out by Russell Brand like I am, by the way? Am I the only one who peers at him uncertainly and reminded of a weird old mothball-and-gin-smelling auntie, what with his lank black locks, rather perky and effeminate button nose, and his livery lips?

More importantly, I suppose – if you had to pick one, who’d you bang: Russell Brand or Alec Baldwin?