Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Adrien Brody

My Entire Year is Ruined

photo of adrien brody and lara leito pictures
See that picture up there? It’s Adrien Brody. And his new girlfriend. And they’re doing a really good job of feeling each other up on a boat in Saint Tropez. And now I want to punch myself in the face for having had to see this today, on a Friday, when the rest of the week had gone so well.

And what the hell is this!

photo of adrien brody getting a hand job pictures
I’m not going to even pretend to have an answer for that.

Adrien’s new girlfriend’s name is Lara Leito, and she’s a nobody as far as I’m aware, and this is the kind of stuff that she puts up on her Tumblr account:

photo of marry me pictures
So that probably means that she’s angling to marry Adrien Brody, and if MY Adrien Brody decides to go ahead and marry this vapid-looking bitch (I mean come on, check out this photo):

photo of lara leito pictures
Then I seriously might have to … I don’t know, reconsider the irrational passion I hold within my heart for dear, sweet confused Adrien Brody, who’s probably just looking for a nice girl to settle down with.

And it’s not this bitch:


Come on. Can we say “fake”? Does this photo of a poor, worn-out Adrien tell you guys nothing?


Man. Sadness, guys. SADNESS.

TOPLESS ADRIEN BRODY AT CANNES.

photo of adrien brody shirtless cannes 2012 pics
This is like my lucky day. No, f-ck “like.” This is my lucky day. The only thing that could make this day luckier is if I were on that boat in Cannes with Adrien Brody while he’s shirtless and drinking junky white wine. Seriously, no bad can happen today (knock on wood). I was making coffee in the wee hours of the morning today, really before I was even awake, and after I ground the beans, I began to empty them into the container in which I store my ground coffee. Before I put the lid on, I accidentally bumped the container with my elbow, and it would have tumbled off the counter and smashed on the ground had I not miraculously caught it with my hip (?), spilling fresh-ground coffee everywhere and showering my feet with broken-up pieces of ceramic, all of which I’m sure I would have ended up stepping on and in for the next three days no matter how well I cleaned up. What a nightmare, you know? All of that wasted coffee on top of having to pick sharp-ass pieces of glazed, kiln-fired hell from between my toes with my eyebrow tweezers for a week. Tell me the gods weren’t with me this morning, you know?

So anyway, all of this is why today is probably my lucky day. All of that and, of course, the fact that I’ve run across some pretty steamy Adrien Brody photos that depict the actor in various positions (shirt on, shirt off, smiling, not smiling, sitting, standing …), all of them laying under the warm, joyful blanket of “so f-cking hot”-ness.

Also, due to the fact that today is my lucky day and I’m totally calling the shots, we’re not even going to talk about the pug-faced “mystery blonde” that Adrien was seen being all chummy with during his stay in Cannes earlier in the week, because that’s just not the kind of stuff you talk about on lucky days, OK? We’re just going to go ahead and pretend that business never, ever happened and continue our day being completely blissed out that our bellies are filled with good coffee, our bare feet are free of bleeding cuts, and we were able to see Adrien Brody enjoying himself on a mini-break.

Adrien Brody for Lacoste, Just Because I WANT HIM

So, I was online shopping for husband-clothes this morning, and I went to Lacoste’s website to see what their latest line looked like. And, like it was meant to be or something, I saw this as soon as I hit the homepage:

photo of adrien brody for lacoste pictures
Man, isn’t this just so hot? And if you think the video’s hot, and the screenshot is hot, then don’t watch the corresponding interview videos that I’m about to post, because if you happen to watch those before seeing the above behind-the-scenes footage of the interview, you’re going to be completely turned off.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I love me some Adrien Brody, harder than I’ve ever loved another celebrity in my time on this earth (maybe with the exception of Isaac Hanson when I was fifteen years younger, but that’s entirely aside from the fact besides the point that it’s apparent I’m attracted to odd-looking men), and he’s always super-well-spoken and cultured, but this interview? Oh man. It was bad, guys. Just utterly f-cking awful. The questions were dumb, and Adrien’s obviously-hand-crafted answers were even worse. Do you know what Adrien has to “say” about sports? This:

Sports are very dramatic, you know, there are winners and there are losers. In order for one person to win, the other person has to fail, as far as team sports go. Those are lessons and every failure makes you stronger.

Wait, has he been talking to my 6th grade gym teacher? And where’s the “There’s no ‘i’ in team!”? I’m disappointed!

Damn.

And there are a variety of other videos on Lacoste’s YouTube page that you can check out and mock to the best of your ability, too, because there’s a lot to work with. Bottom line? Does this (undeniably beautiful) man just like to talk nonsense because he likes the sound of his voice? Because if that’s so, then this depresses me as much as this miserably rainy day, guys. I mean, do you know what all this rain is going to do to my grass? I’m going to be riding my lawn tractor all damned weekend.

Also. Adrien. I hate the fluffy hair. Since you’re so chic and in-the-know, you should probably do something about that, bro.