2Shamwow Guy Made Movie Starring Lohan And Adrien Brody; Crime Against Humanity Achieved

The Shamwow guy AKA the Slapchop guy aka Vince Offer, directed a film starring Adrien Brody, Michelle Rodriguez, Rob Schneider, and Lindsay Lohan and the trailer is out and it’s just as bad as you think it is. If you don’t want to watch it, I’ll sum it up for you.

- That Adrien Brody is in this film is a testament to the fact that he is impossible to work with and that no one wants to deal with his bullshit even after winning an Academy Award.

- The only funny moment in the trailer is when the music turns into sweeping dramatic music and the announcer says, “And Oscar Winner Adrien Brody” while panning over a slow motion shot of his face.

- The rest of the trailer is a hot mess of stupid offensive jokes, only offensive because of how stupid they are.

- The title of the film is InAPPropriate Comedy, so believe me, I get that it’s supposed to be “inappropriate” (I have no idea why they have the weird capitalization, am I missing something?) but there’s a fine line between satire and a desperate attempt at satire, and this is so desperate that we need a new word for desperate.

- Speaking of desperate, Lindsay Lohan being in this movie shows that she’s fallen harder and faster than King Kong from the Empire State Building. This isn’t new information, I know. But at least The Canyons has a shot at being something other than…whatever the hell this is supposed to be.

- I have no idea what the plot is. I think it’s a movie about making a movie. The trailer is choppy. There’s a scene of Lindsay Lohan dressed as Marilyn Monroe gunning down paprazzi. I don’t know.

- Someone gave the Shamwow guy money to make this.

- Someone gave the Slapchop guy money to make this.

Is this the worst thing that has ever happened to film? Is it really a crime against humanity? Of course not. But wow. Shamf-ckingwow.

It’s been shelved for a while (NO WAY, REALLY?) but it’s finally coming out on March 22nd.

March 13, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

7No One Will Ever Touch Adrien Brody Again

You guys’ll have to forgive me—see, this clip is a bit on the old side (it came out earlier in the month), but when I saw it, I couldn’t pass it up for a few reasons. One? Adrien Brody‘s in it. As I’m leaving Evil Beet, I figured it’d be good to leave just one more Adrien Brody post in your presence because a) he is my one true love, and b) no one’s ever going to write about him on EB ever again, since I was the only one who ever wrote about him to begin with. Here’s another reason I couldn’t pass it up: Lindsay Lohan is in it, and it’s so, so bad. Everything about this video is so, so awful and I don’t even know where to begin aside from curling up in the corner and squeaking “heartbreak” into my hands, which would be covering my ears and eyes. Both. At the same time. … You know, somehow.

The trailer is for a movie called ‘InAPPropriate Comedy’, and IMDB has this to say about it:

In this comedy film, a computer tablet full of the world’s most hilariously offensive apps breaks through the borders of political correctness, stirring up cultural anarchy.

So basically, it’s like ‘Borat’ with just more famous people in it. Ugh.

See what dating that straggly-haired trashbin gets you, Adrien? It gets you elbow-brushing with Lindsay Lohan. Aren’t you, like, so proud, Mr. Academy Award Winner?

January 25, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Sarah

4Adrien Brody and His Whatever Girlfriend One Last Time

I say “one last time” not because they’re breaking up (I’m just not that lucky of a person, guys), but because unless something extraordinary happens to … well, happen (you know, like more public groping and/or pulling shit out of significant others’ asses), I’m just out of stories about my one celebrity love, Adrien Brody, and his silly, empty-faced girlfriend, Lara Leito.

Anyway. Whatever. This is Adrien and That Girl, spending oodles of time together while Adrien films his latest movie, Whatever It Is, because luckily for Adrien, That Girl has no real job or obligations and can just sit around and comb her long, stupid hair and eat bon bons or what-the-f-ck ever while Adrien films and is productive and lets her use his super-extra large-venti platinum credit card for purchases like sparkly feather boas, “Party Like a Rockstar” t-shirts, and cases of cheap glitter nail polish, because DUH quantity over QUALITY because you just never do know when this relationship is going to end and That Girl will have to go back to her mom’s roach-infested apartment in Encino or wherever and back to eating ramen noodles for dinner every damn night.

Whatever. I’m not bitter.

November 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah

1Adrien Brody Brought That Girl to a Red Carpet Event

Oh whatever. I don’t even know what to say about this, because it just reeks of ridiculousness, but all bitterness aside, things must be getting serious for Adrien and Lara Leito, who will now and forever be known as That Girl (oh—I guess I forgot to put the rest of that bitterness away; my bad).

The red carpet event in question is for Adrien’s new movie, ‘Back to 1942′. From IMDB:

A deadly drought in 1942 takes its toll on central China’s Henan province during the war against Japan.

Here’s the trailer for the movie, which also stars Tim Robbins:

It looks pretty decent, and would be another ‘Schindler’s List’-type thing. If, you know, Adrien is lucky. Which, duh, he is, because he’s got Such A Hot Girlfriend. You know—That Girl. Isn’t he just so lucky, guys?

November 12, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah

7Adrien Brody’s Still Dating That Model/Actress/Blogger/Nobody

I don’t mean to say that she’s a nobody, because that’s just not all that nice, but guys, she’s a nobody. And that’s an area that Adrien Brody specializes in when it comes to women, which makes me wonder what’s so wrong with me? See, Adrien has this history of dating completely obscure women, and dating them ’til a semblance of a career starts to take off and then they leave him for what they perceive to be better waters (i.e., Elsa Pataky, who’s now baby-mama and wife to CHRIS HEMSWORTH). Poor, poor Adrien Brody. Always dating women who think it’s OK to stick their hands down your pants in Cannes. Class, class, classy.

Anyway. This is them and they’re still together. And This Girl, Lara Leito, is still taking photos like this one:

Dunno, Adrien. Maybe you should move on from all of these, you know, conventionally pretty nobodys and onto the average-looking, slightly nerdy nobodys who can spell words like onomatopoeia on their first try, and without having to first sneak a peak at the spell-check. Just an idea, you know?

November 2, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah

21My Entire Year is Ruined

See that picture up there? It’s Adrien Brody. And his new girlfriend. And they’re doing a really good job of feeling each other up on a boat in Saint Tropez. And now I want to punch myself in the face for having had to see this today, on a Friday, when the rest of the week had gone so well.

And what the hell is this!

I’m not going to even pretend to have an answer for that.

Adrien’s new girlfriend’s name is Lara Leito, and she’s a nobody as far as I’m aware, and this is the kind of stuff that she puts up on her Tumblr account:

So that probably means that she’s angling to marry Adrien Brody, and if MY Adrien Brody decides to go ahead and marry this vapid-looking bitch (I mean come on, check out this photo):

Then I seriously might have to … I don’t know, reconsider the irrational passion I hold within my heart for dear, sweet confused Adrien Brody, who’s probably just looking for a nice girl to settle down with.

And it’s not this bitch:

Come on. Can we say “fake”? Does this photo of a poor, worn-out Adrien tell you guys nothing?

Man. Sadness, guys. SADNESS.

July 6, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah