Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Adele

Adele Is Getting Engaged Soon, Too!

A photo of Adele

From Us Weekly:

Baby and a wedding!

Adele announced Friday that she and her boyfriend of nearly a year, Simon Konecki, are expecting their first child. But the “Rolling in the Deep” singer will also be expecting a wedding.

A source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly, out now, that divorced dad Konecki, a 38-year-old nonprofit CEO, is in the market for a ring: “He was planning to propose anyway!”

The 23-year-old Grammy winner, who is nearly four months along, wrote on her Website Friday, “I’m delighted to announce that Simon and I are expecting our first child together. “I wanted you to hear the news direct from me, obviously we’re over the moon and very excited but please respect our privacy at this precious time. Yours always, Adele xx.”

Raised by a single mom, a pal tells Us that Adele “wants a low-key affair where her mother gives her away.”

More than anything, says the insider, “she wants to be a wife and mom.”

I’m so happy for Adele, I could just vomit, I really could. Can you even imagine how precious it will be to see a glowing, pregnant Adele? How adorable her little bitty ginger baby will be? How stunning she’ll look at her wedding? And I can’t even start thinking about what her next album is going like. A song as beautiful and emotional as “Someone Like You,” but about babies and love? Ugh. It would be game over, friends. Life couldn’t get any sweeter than that.

BREAKING!!!! ADELE IS PREGNANT!

photo of pregnant adele pictures
Holy crap! What a Friday this is turning out to be! First we find out that Katie Holmes NASTILY filed for divorce from Tom Cruise, and now we hear that Adele is pregnant? OH SNAP.

From the mouth of Adele:

“I’m delighted to announce that Simon and I are expecting our first child together. I wanted you to hear the news direct from me, obviously we’re over the moon and very excited but please respect our privacy at this precious time.”

OH MY GOSH Adele is going to be the best, sweetest, most-skilled-at-singing-lullabies mother EVER.

Can you even believe what a day this has been already? Ugh. It’s this kind of stuff that just makes gossip worth writing (well, that and you guys. I love you all. Oh, and the money. The money’s always good, too. BUT OH MY GOD, ADELE!).

Story developing …

Adele’s Music Can Wake People from Comas

Well, ok, I don’t know if that’s universally true, so don’t hold me to that. I don’t know that Adele‘s music can wake up everyone who’s in a coma. However, I do know that her music did bring one little girl back to consciousness, and I think that’s good enough for now.

Check it out:

Eight-time Grammy Award winner Adele can happily add miracle-worker to her resume, after her hit single “Rolling in the Deep” woke a seven-year-old British girl from a coma.

On April 13, Charlotte Neve suffered a brain hemorrhage, and was rushed to Leeds hospital, where she underwent two operations. When she slipped into a coma, doctors informed her mother Leila, 31, that she was not expected to survive. Then, miraculously, after lying comatose for a week, Adele’s hit single came on the hospital radio, and Leila, recalling her daughter’s fondness for the tune, sang along. To the amazement of her doctors, Charlotte broke into a smile.

“Charlotte started smiling, and I couldn’t believe it,” Leila told the Telegraph. “It was the first time she had reacted to anything since the hemorrhage. The nurses were astounded and told me to keep singing, and she smiled again. The nurses said it was like I ‘unlocked her’ and from that day she started getting better and better.”

Several days later, she began talking, and was even able to get out of her hospital bed. Charlotte is now recovering at home, where she is learning to walk and talk again, has returned to school, and has even taken up dance classes again, all thanks to Adele’s song.

“A day or two after the Adele incident … she literally went from smiling and being giddy to standing up in bed,” she continued. “It was a miracle.”

If you didn’t love Adele before, then I really don’t know what’s wrong with you. But if you don’t love her now, then you definitely need to look into growing a heart.

What Would Make Adele Defecate on Herself?

A photo of Adele

That was a fun little question, wasn’t it? Do you want to think about it for a minute? Go ahead, I’ll wait. Did you come up with anything good? Take a break real quick and leave it in the comments, and then come back. Did you do it? All right, now let me tell you what the real answer is …

Psych! You’re going to have to read through excerpts from this interview that she did with Matt Lauer to figure out what Adele thinks would make her “f-cking shit” herself. Really, it’s a great interview.

On getting a phone call from Elton John: “I had no idea who it was and he just started chatting away to me and I passed the phone over to a friend and I was like yeah, it’s Elton. It still cracks me up. It made me think my god it’s another level now.”

How she keeps a low profile: “The other day I walked through Trafalgar Square, tourist haven. I was a bit worried and I was in my pyjamas because I’d been working the day before, I was in colour too, I’m always in black. I had floral tracksuit bottoms on and this massive green coat and some little pink pumps. Luckily …I was really scared but I had this massive umbrella. Nobody recognized me.”

What she would do if an ex wrote songs about her: “I’d f-cking shit myself. I’d be mortified,” taking time to point out, “But also if they wrote songs about me, they’d be: ‘This song’s about Adele’. I’ve never given any names ever, but everyone’s going to know this song’s about me. No-one actually knows who my songs are about”.

On writing such personal songs: “I do wish I’d kept a lot of things to myself, but I never knew the album was going to be so big. I will be more wary when I go into things now.”

On being a celebrity: “I just want to make music, I don’t want people to talk about me. All I’ve ever wanted to do was sing. I don’t want to be a celebrity. I don’t want to be in people’s faces, you know, constantly on covers of magazine that I haven’t even known I’m on.”

It’s been way too long since Adele last did an interview. I can definitely understand wanting to make music without all the gossip, but I just love her too much. I wish she had a talk show or a video blog or my phone number so I could just hear her talk all the time. I find her accent just incredibly charming, and she always seems like so much fun.

In case you’ve forgotten what I’m talking about, here’s some of the actual video:

I. Love. Her.

Two Old Men Discuss Adele, Snooki, and Lindsay Lohan

Sometimes a bunch of words helps to tell a story. Sometimes an assortment of pictures helps illustrate a point. But sometimes, all you need is a video of two old dudes being awesome and discussing life, love, and the pros and cons of Adele.

I can’t decide if my favorite part is when they listen to “Ms. New Booty” or when they mistake Snooki for “nookie” or when they sing “New York, New York” or when they all wave to the passing car, but I know my least favorite part is that neither of these men is my grandfather.

Karl Lagerfeld Is Still Super Sorry About That Whole Adele Thing

A photo of Karl Lagerfeld

Seriously, you guys, Karl Lagerfeld can’t even believe it. It’s been two months since he famously referred to our goddess, Adele, as “a little too fat,” and he has just been beating himself up over it ever since, let me tell you. Like he just hangs out in his full length white nightgown all hours of the day, just moping around the house, listening to “Someone Like You” and weeping. It’s bad.

I know, I know, he already apologized and everything. He said that his original comment was taken out of context, that he really loved Adele and she’s so beautiful and she’s his favorite singer. But that wasn’t enough. He still felt just so bad about what he said with his stupid mouth, and he didn’t know what to do to make things right.

But hey! He finally figured out the key to the heart of a woman: fancy purses!

He has already publicly apologised for his headline-making comments. But Karl Lagerfeld has upped his grovelling privately to Adele, whom he famously called “a little too fat.” The Chanel Creative director has appealed to the Grammy-winner’s love of fashion and sent her a range of the label’s coveted handbags.

According to The Sun, “He told his team to send Adele the best the fashion house have to offer after hearing she collected bags. He’s annoyed with himself because he ended up insulting her when he meant to compliment her. He thinks she’s beautiful and calls her divine.”

Lagerfeld, 78, backtracked on the comments made to a French magazine earlier this year. The jibes caused an uproar from fans, with even Madonna wading into the scandal, calling Lagerfeld’s words “horrible.” Adele chose not to comment directly, but told People magazine in a well-timed interview, “I represent the majority of women and I’m very proud of that.”

Within days, the German designer had issued a grovelling statement to the Someone Like You star. “I’d like to say to Adele that I am your biggest admirer,” he said at the time. “Sometimes when you take a sentence out of the article it changes the meaning of the thought. Adele is my favorite singer and I am a great admirer of her.”

Lagerfeld added that he admired Adele for being so strong in the face of comments regarding her weight. He said: “I lost over 30 kilos over 10 years ago and have kept it off. I know how it feels when the press is mean to you in regards to your appearance.  Adele is a beautiful girl. She is the best. And I can’t wait for her next CD.”

Clearly feeling that he has not done enough to get back in her good graces, Karl is now showering Adele with gifts, including the iconic quilted handbags and totes.

“He said he really wanted to make it up to her so they could maybe work together in the future.”

Blake Lively is the current face of Chanel’s Mademoiselle handbags, but the Sun claims that Lagerfeld is now considering Adele to take over once the Gossip Girl star’s contract is up.

No, I think this is sweet.  I think that Karl Lagerfeld really does love Adele that much, but he’s just kind of an asshole who doesn’t fully understand how compliments work.  It looks like he’s trying to make things right though, and I doubt that Adele was all that offended in the first place.  Happy ending, right?

But When Are We Getting New Music, Adele?

A photo of Adele

Tonight, right, Adele? It’ll be tonight. You’ll surprise us all by releasing a totally free collection of 1,000 new songs that are all completely magical and moving, and that collection will have a bonus album of 100 covers of songs by singers like David Bowie and Britney Spears, and it will be everything we’ve ever dreamed of. That’s it, isn’t it? That’s when we’ll be getting your next album!

… No? It’s not tonight? It’s in roughly two years. Oh, no:

Adele has told a French radio station she will have a new single out by the end of the year, but her next album will take “a good two years” to record. The news will fuel speculation that the artist will record the theme tune to the latest Bond movie, Skyfall. She has been the bookmakers’ favourite since last year, but no official announcement has been made.

Speaking to France’s NRJ, the singer added she needed to find time to write the follow-up to her hit record, 21.

“If I didn’t write my own songs, I’d be out next week with a new album,” she said. “I have to take time and live a little bit. There were a good two years between my first and second albums, so it’ll be the same this time.”

Adele added that she was not worried about recreating the success of 21, which has now sold more than 20 million copies around the world.

“I don’t think I’ll feel the pressure for the next album to be as big as the last one because I know that’s not really possible,” she said. “What’s happened with this album is very rare anyway.”

She said her ideal duet partner would be the late Etta James but she would also like to sing with Beyonce.

“I adore Beyonce, I’ve been listening to her since I was about 11,” she told NRJ. “I think her work as an artist and a singer is enviable in terms of the length of her career and how she’s grown and grown but most of my inspirations are (from) old music and sadly they have all died.”

Well, this hurts. Two years seems like forever, but I guess I’ll take it. Not only because I don’t have a choice, but also because if that’s the amount of time it’s going to take to get another amazing record from this girl, then that’s just the way it is. You have to respect her for not getting right back into the studio and recording an album of mediocre music just to keep riding on the waves of her overwhelming success, don’t you?

Besides, it’s not like I haven’t spent the past nine months listening to her first two albums over and over (and then over one more time). We’ll manage, I suppose.