Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Abigail Breslin

So, Um, When Is Abigail Breslin Going to Be Old Enough for Me to Make Fun of What She’s Wearing?

Abigail Breslin

And also her hair and makeup?

I’m just looking for a ballpark figure here.

15? 16? I mean, do you really have to wait until a kid’s 18 when she’s already been nominated for an Oscar? Doesn’t that shit make her fair game a little sooner? We were allowed to make fun of Anna Paquin’s teeth back in ’94, weren’t we?

Because, like, if I were allowed to make fun of Abigail Breslin at this tender age, I would note that her hair is a better fit for, say, the Little Miss Sunshine pageant than a Los Angeles fundraiser. And that if you’re going to put that much makeup on a 12-year-old — which is a bad idea to begin with — you need to bite the bullet and get her some eyelashes, too. And the boots? I can’t even talk about the boots right now. I want to talk about the boots. I just can’t talk about the boots. Please talk about the boots for me.

At a benefit party hosted by Animal Fair magazine this weekend.