Oh, I also forgot to mention in the previous post – the super-cute Hayden Panettiere was visually assaulted by a nude streaker (and really, is there any other kind?) who was, admittedly, pretty hot. And that accent, woo. I’m a girl that really gets off on accents – all kinds of accents, really, except for Boston accents (though back-country New England accents are awesome) and New York accents (sorry!), and this guy was off the charts.

Anyway. The video is kind of NSFW if your workplace frowns upon quick, blurry photos of decent penis and completely fine male ass, but pretty much OK for everywhere else.

Enjoy!

I know it’s supposed to be rude and stuff to compare two women or men against one another, and it’s probably contributes to a lot of self-esteem issues in our world today, but you know what? THIS IS A SNARKY GOSSIP BLOG. This is the kind of stuff we do. Also? It’s Friday. If you don’t like Hayden Panettiere or Michelle Trachtenberg, and can’t even come close to fathoming what they’d look like in your bed next to you, holding your penis instead of those stupid shoes, then mosey on to the LOLCatz website, where you can rank the hotness of cats or whatever and destroy their sense of self-worth instead.

Hayden and Michelle – two equally-hot ladies in their own rights, with two totally different looks.

Who would it be?

After two years of figuring out how to fit a square peg in a round hole, Hayden Panettiere and her big-assed boxer boyfriend have called it quits. On the split, Hayden says:

“Even though we’ve decided splitting up is best for both of us, we have an amazing amount of love and respect for each other and remain very close friends,” says the Scream 4 actress, 21.

Bummer.

However, Hayden (only 21, MAHGOD) apparently has a thing for much older dudes (Klit is 35), so she’ll be sorry to see that her timing in this breakup was off just slightly – a few weeks earlier and she could have been the one moving into Sean Penn’s Malibu love nest.

What over-aged dude is suitable for Hayden’s tastes in your opinion?

First Hayden Panettiere ruined Scre4m for me with that totally ridiculous haircut that no high school student in 2011 would ever rock, and now she’s ruined the new animated feature Hoodwinked Too by lending her voice to the soundtrack and making this cheap looking music video. The track’s called, “I Can Do It Alone,” and from the looks of the video above, she did.

Yo’kay, maybe I came in a little hot there. Her voice is better than some of the actresses we’ve seen try their hand at singing out of nowhere, but it’s the embarrassingly low-quality music video that has me really upset. I don’t need high-production value to be happy, but I could have made this video in iMovie in about two hours. Did they blow their video budget on autotune and hair extensions or something? I mean, it’s offensively bad.

But still, not the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

Let it be said that I think Hayden Panettiere is probably one of the hottest chicks in Hollywood. And from what I gather, a whole hell of a lot of people think so too. There’s crazy fan sites dedicated to the pint-sized bombshell, and I’m sure she’s the subject of many midget-giant sexual fantasies. Hayden’s crazy hot, and though she seems kind of off the radar, she’s all the more admirable for it.

However? Hay’s apparently just like the much-less-hot rest of us — someone must have tipped her off a recent boxing match that a little ripple was going on in her upper thighs as she sat (and come the fuck on, who wouldn’t have that kind of skin shift sitting in that position?), and Hayden, bless her little soul, did her best to cover up the ‘imperfection,’ with hands, purses, and people.

But come on, girl. Unless you’re a woman with -0.001% body fat, you’re going to have those little bumps somewhere. Don’t try to hide it and pretend that you’re not just as hot as you were ten minutes ago. Carry on.

Hayden Panettiere was photographed frolicking on the beach yesterday — without her Jack and the Beanstalk giant boyfriend, Wladimir Klitschko. And though he’s not pictured in these latest photographs, I thought I’d do a “Bang or Bust” on those two, ’cause they’re just so damned adorable together. It was like when Gary Coleman married Gummy McBallgag Shannon Price.

Panettiere, who I’m kind of indifferent about in her wee existence, looks banging hot in her two-piece lifeguard-looking bikini and I think it’s honestly a toss-up between her and her super-sized boyfriend.

Who would you rather? Eeny-weenie midget porn or orifice-ripping boxer sex? The choice … is yours.