We all know Fifty Shades of Grey is a disaster. The books were terrible, the movie was even worse (if that’s even possible), and if that wasn’t clear before, it will be now: turns out Kelly Marcel, the screenwriter who worked on the movie, won’t even watch the finished product because it’s just that awful. Marcel hated the experience of working on it so much, that’s why EL James handed the job over to her husband for the sequel.
Here’s what Marcel had to say to Bret Easton Ellis on his podcast this week (via US Weekly):
“I very much wanted to do something different with the screenplay, and when I spoke to the studio and the producers and made that quite clear, they were very enthusiastic about that and kind of loved the things I wanted to do,” she explained. “When I delivered that script was when I realized that all of them saying, ‘Yeah, absolutely this is what we want,’ and, ‘You can write anything you like and get crazy and artistic with it’ — that was utter, utter bulls–t.”
“My heart really was broken by that process, I really mean it,” Marcel continued. “I don’t see it out of any kind of bitterness or anger or anything like that. I just don’t feel like I can watch it without feeling some pain about how different it is to what I initially wrote.”
Why am I not surprised? The fact that Fifty Shades is even a thing is sad enough on its own, but to know that they couldn’t even try to put lipstick on a pig, so to speak, with a good script is even more pathetic.
Keep in mind that the first installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy was only released a little over two months ago, on Valentine’s Day. I bet it’s even still playing in some theatres around the world – that’s how new it is. But never one to enjoy the present too much, fans are already desperate to know more about Fifty Shades Darker, the second installment, and it looks like they’re (sorta) getting their wish since the first “teaser” was released on Thursday:
Frankly, a 30 second clip, at least half of which is production credits and/or film company logos, isn’t really much to go on, but people are still going nuts watching Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey putting on a jacket and an eye mask. I guess that’s in line with the other news we found out yesterday, which is that Fifty Shades Darker – which is being written by E.L. James’ husband rather than the author herself – is going to be “more of a thriller” than its predecessor, as Universal’s Donna Langley revealed in conversation with The Hollywood Reporter. Oh, joy!
Ladies across the world started losing their mind yesterday when it was reported that Jamie Dornan is already sick of the whole Fifty Shades of Grey disaster and wanted O-U-T of both of the franchise’s future installments. This news didn’t sit well with many, especially considering the first movie is still in theatres and one would assume the studio would like it to keep making big box office bucks. Not exactly great timing for your lead star to admit how much it sucks, eh?
All I have to say is, I sure feel bad for Jamie’s publicist, who’s no doubt been tasked with fixing this whole mess before it goes any further. The statement from Camp Jamie is here and in it, we’re promised that he’ll be back as Christian Grey… if only they’ll have him!
“Jamie is delighted that the film is breaking box office records worldwide and whilst the studio has not made any formal announcements about sequels, he is looking forward to making the next film,” his rep told Us Weekly
Right, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you believe this bullshit? Jamie Dornan is still in the midst of promoting this shit-show and he’s contractually obligated to show up and seem remotely interested (a tall order, from the looks of things thus far). It’s not really a great time to say that you can’t be bothered to finish off the trilogy, is it?
What do you think?
Will Jamie Dornan come back for the next 'Fifty Shades' movie?
The actor is thought to have stopped his brief relationship with the films early because his wife doesn’t want him to star in any more, it has been claimed.
Actress Amelia Warner, who has a 15-month-old daughter with the star, is said to be unhappy with him acting out the explicit sex scenes in the controversial film.
And Jamie, from Holywood, Co Down, has been left reeling by a barrage of scathing reviews for the movie adaptation of the risque S&M book.
Australian magazine NW claims the 32-year-old has told film bosses he won’t be back as kinky businessman Christian Grey for parts two and three.
While it might be true that Jamie’s wife isn’t really feeling the role, I feel like it’s far more likely that Jamie himself is sick of the bullshit – frankly, I think he probably was sick of it the second the ink dried on the contract. He actually IS a decent actor – again, see The Fall if you want to see the scope of his skills – so it was a bit disheartening to discover he’d taken on the roll at all. I know money talks, but absolute bullshit walks, and Fifty Shades certainly qualifies as bullshit (and that’s being kind).
What will be the biggest joke is that they’ll still make the second and third movies with another actor. Dakota Johnson will stay, of course, because she’s got the personality of wet cardboard and as much chance of getting a decent role otherwise as I have of being Taylor Swift‘s next BFF. In other words, she’s there to stay – how hard is it to bite your lip, anyway?
Fifty Shades of Grey is an absolute disaster, and we all know it. It’s making a killing at the box office, sure, but there hasn’t been a single positive review for it – it’s awful, the end. With this in mind, and given all the unrest that happened between Fifty Shades‘ author EL James and the movie’s director Sam Taylor-Johnson, it’s no surprise to hear that the franchise will need to be looking for a new director for the second and third movie.
“Sam won’t be back for the Fifty Shades sequels. She wants out and Universal knows that’s the right decision.
“Her relationship with Erika has become absolutely toxic – they despise each other and blame each other for the problems with the film.”
The source continued: “All the biggest arguments were about the sex scenes in the film.
“Erica wanted the movie to be loyal to the book and much more explicit.
“But Sam pushed back because she wanted the movie to be more than just a collection of S&M scenes.”
Or, you know, maybe Sam Taylor-Johnson knows she’s got even less hope of being taken seriously as a director if she stays in with this shitty franchise?
Probably the funniest thing is all the series fans who have come out of the movie realizing what utter garbage it is, but they’re so unwilling to admit that they liked utter garbage that I’ve heard literally dozens of people being like, “Well, it was just the first one. The second and third will totally be better because the story is better then!”
Uh, the story is glorified domestic violence with no bearing on actual BDSM, but kewl, keep telling yourself that and wasting your money.
Book your tickets and stash an extra pair of underwear in your handbags, ladies, because Fifty Shades of Grey is hitting theatres this Saturday, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Because, you know, nothing says romance like a glorified tale of abusive man and a woman with no self-worth! Yahoo! Not to mention two actors who can’t stand each other and have zero chemistry!
Poor Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson they thought it’d just be some easy money and realized just a second too late that uh, you know, it’s probably the worst thing they could have ever done. Now they have to do interviews nonstop and be asked about their favourite sex positions and like, pose naked for magazines and actually simulate penetration, when it comes to W Magazine‘s March 2015 issue. Yikes.
More scans are behind the cut since many are NSFW, but frankly, they should be safe for work because they’re the most clinical, least sexy things I’ve ever seen. The one where they’re actually apparently having sex? I mean, the blank look on both of their faces would make any woman (with a brain) dry as a desert, but whatever. I particularly enjoy the second one, where Jamie’s face is the epitome of “Kill me now!”. Enjoy – and thanks to the Twitter follower who felt the need to watermark every one of their scans for scanning them to begin with.
If there’s anything on this earth that’s worse than the whole Fifty Shades of Grey franchise, it’s gotta be Steve Buscemi, right? I mean, Steve Buscemi himself is awesome, but combine Steve Buscemi with S&M and/or anything even remotely sexual, and you’ve gone too far. Such is the case with Fifty Shades of Buscemi, a spoof trailer with Buscemi as Christian Grey. It’s hilarious, sure, but it’s also extremely disturbing:
Although, you know, the more I think of it, 50 Shades actually works SO much better than the actual movie, which takes itself FAR too seriously. If this was real, I think I’d be 10x more likely to see it… and laugh my ass off.