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50 Shades Of Grey

3Beyonce is headlining the ’50 Shades of Grey’ soundtrack

beyonce

Here’s a bit of news you probably didn’t see coming, but also probably isn’t all that surprising: Beyoncé is headlining the soundtrack for the 50 Shades of Grey movie. I sort of feel like this is an awful decision, but I suppose from a financial perspective, it’s a no-brainer.

What exactly she’ll be doing – as in, how many songs, whether it’ll be something new or from the last album, etc – no one’s sure, but I suppose we’ll be finding out soon enough, since Bey herself posted this on Instagram this morning:

What do you think of the Beyonce/50 Shades team up? Disaster? Dream?

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July 20, 2014 at 8:07 am by Jennifer

4Here’s a raunchy ’50 Shades of Grey’ photo for you

50 shades of grey jamie dornan

50 Shades of Grey isn’t coming out in theatres until next year, but stars Jamie Dornan and that other girl (Dakota Johnson) have to keep interest up. With that in mind, Jamie shared the above photo on Instagram this past week and everyone was going nuts over it (no pun intended).

I know I’m kinda not the target audience here, but like… no thanks. There’s nothing sexy or intriguing about this, or him, so I’m not getting all the hype. I’m sure it’ll make millions at the box office, though. Housewives are bored and horny, so it’ll do well.

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July 7, 2014 at 12:00 pm by Jennifer

7Jamie Dornan already hates ’50 Shades of Grey’

Jamie Dornan

Welp, some people need to learn their lessons the hard way, and it seems Jamie Dornan is already feeling a bit of 50 Shades of Grey fatigue as he’s really wishing he could do a role where he’s not tying women to beds all day. Of course, he had that opportunity before he decided to take this part, but unfortunately, his role as Christian Grey is probably going to put a big ol’ damper on the career potential he once had.

From The Guardian:

“There are a couple of classic knots I know now,” says the 31-year-old, “and I’ve put them to good use far too many times recently. In fact I’d like to do a job where I don’t have to tie women to beds.”

Of the attention he’s received for his first big Hollywood role, he says: “The whole thing’s ridiculous.” Then he falls silent. “It’s just all a bit silly the way it works. Another pause. “I think I could lose my mind.” By contrast, coming back from Fifty, as he calls it, straight on to The Fall and Belfast, “felt like coming home, in the loveliest way”.

Hey, side newsflash: The Fall is SO GOOD, and he was a total creepster in it. Also, he thinks it’s ridiculous NOW? He wants another role NOW? Before this movie has even come out? There’s a year to go before that happens, so methinks he needs to buck up and get used to it, because this is going to be one life and career-ruining ride, dude.

April 23, 2014 at 8:30 am by Jennifer

1This Is the Real Life Christian Grey

christian grey

Sure, 50 Shades of Grey is just repurposed Twilight fanfiction (no, literally, it is), but who was E.L. James getting hot and steamy in her knickers for when writing her “original” story? There has to be a real Christian Grey behind the character, right?

Well, turns out, there is – 39-year-old Italian real estate agent Alessandro Proto, seen in the photo above, was apparently James’ main inspiration to write due to their steamy love affair, LOL.

From the New York Daily News:

The duo met back in 2010 when James was touring Italy writing about international celebrities snapping up properties in the country.

Proto, who claims to have brokered home deals with stars such as Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio and Madonna, spent two days travelling with the author from Milan to Lake Como. He claims James featured several aspects of that journey in her books, where Grey slowly turns 21-year-old Anastasia Steele into his own personal sex slave.

“The firm Grey runs in the book is called Grey Enterprise Holding. Mine is called Proto Organization Holding,” the former encyclopedia salesman, born in Milan, said.

“When I met E.L. James I used to drive a R8 Audi,” he added, saying it was also mirrored in the fiction.

Proto says the top floor location of his office was used in the book.

“My office is located at the 8th floor. It is the highest in the building. I came from nothing, so I see top floors as a metaphor for achievement and success,” he said.

Notoriously media-shy Proto, who’s only given four interviews in the last four years, claims his “mystique” also influenced the saga’s main character.

“Christian Grey doesn’t like speaking to reporters, so he builds up a mystery that surrounds him,” he said. “Everyone knows he made it, but nobody knows how he reached success. Same with me,” he added.

Proto also revealed that, during his time with James, she asked why he never granted interviews. “I just told her the truth. I wanna focus on my job, nothing else,” he replied.

LOL, uh… wait. So, how long did they date? Was it the two days traveling or ongoing? Also, why is this dude so amped up to claim himself as the real life Christian Grey when Christian Grey was kind of a dick?

When it comes to his sex life, at least, Proto says he’s more “old-fashioned” but that because people figured out he was Christian Grey (HOW?), he gets a lot of “indecent proposals” on his work email.

“Everything that has to do with S&M is pure imagination, I assure you. I’m an old fashioned man when it comes to sex, I’m not into that kind of fantasies,” he added.

Aight, bro, whatever you say.

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February 11, 2014 at 4:30 pm by Jennifer
Filed Under: 50 Shades of Grey

1Here’s Your First ’50 Shades of Grey’ Poster

50 shades

Hope you’re all getting moist in your nether regions for the upcoming watered-down 50 Shades of Grey movie that will not contain any of the explicit sex scenes that the entire book is based on! It’s gonna be GREAT! Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson have “chemistry” which they’ll totally put on show for you via a lot of lip biting and some sultry looks before the camera cuts when panties start dropping. I’m sure it’ll be everything that people who actually like that shite were hoping for.

In any case, we’ve got our first look at the poster for the film – which isn’t even due out until 2015, I might add. That seems like a bizarrely far away release date for a franchise whose popularity is already past its prime, right? Ah, whatever. I’m sure plenty of people will go to see “real passion” and the “moving storyline”.

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January 25, 2014 at 4:30 pm by Jennifer

4’50 Shades of Grey’ Stars “Have Chemistry”

jamie dornan dakota johnson

Whoopdi-fuckin-do and all, but it turns out that Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson – the stars of the forthcoming big screen shitshow that will be the 50 Shades of Grey movie – have found “chemistry” together, both on AND off screen. Don’t get any freaky ideas into your head – Jamie is a family guy and I don’t think anyone cares what Dakota does with her life, but they’re just “hot” together.

From E! Online:

The highly anticipated film’s producer, Michael De Luca, spoke with E! News about how filming is going at the Producers Guild Awards over the weekend in Los Angeles.

“It’s hot,” he said of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan’s chemistry throughout shooting. “I think we are a little more than halfway through but it’s going really good. I’m excited!”

So how are the future Mr. Grey and Anastasia Steele getting along with one another when the cameras aren’t rolling?

“The chemistry is there, they genuinely like each other,” De Luca revealed to us. “They’re enjoying the story, the story is so powerful.”

LOL, the story is so powerful? Dear God, please help the idiots who believe that to be a true statement. Powerfully awful? Powerfully boring and stereotypical? Powerfully geared towards bored housewives? Ah right, I guess that’s what they must’ve meant.

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January 21, 2014 at 5:30 pm by Jennifer
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