Ladies across the world started losing their mind yesterday when it was reported that Jamie Dornan is already sick of the whole Fifty Shades of Grey disaster and wanted O-U-T of both of the franchise’s future installments. This news didn’t sit well with many, especially considering the first movie is still in theatres and one would assume the studio would like it to keep making big box office bucks. Not exactly great timing for your lead star to admit how much it sucks, eh?
All I have to say is, I sure feel bad for Jamie’s publicist, who’s no doubt been tasked with fixing this whole mess before it goes any further. The statement from Camp Jamie is here and in it, we’re promised that he’ll be back as Christian Grey… if only they’ll have him!
“Jamie is delighted that the film is breaking box office records worldwide and whilst the studio has not made any formal announcements about sequels, he is looking forward to making the next film,” his rep told Us Weekly
Right, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you believe this bullshit? Jamie Dornan is still in the midst of promoting this shit-show and he’s contractually obligated to show up and seem remotely interested (a tall order, from the looks of things thus far). It’s not really a great time to say that you can’t be bothered to finish off the trilogy, is it?
What do you think?
Will Jamie Dornan come back for the next 'Fifty Shades' movie?
The actor is thought to have stopped his brief relationship with the films early because his wife doesn’t want him to star in any more, it has been claimed.
Actress Amelia Warner, who has a 15-month-old daughter with the star, is said to be unhappy with him acting out the explicit sex scenes in the controversial film.
And Jamie, from Holywood, Co Down, has been left reeling by a barrage of scathing reviews for the movie adaptation of the risque S&M book.
Australian magazine NW claims the 32-year-old has told film bosses he won’t be back as kinky businessman Christian Grey for parts two and three.
While it might be true that Jamie’s wife isn’t really feeling the role, I feel like it’s far more likely that Jamie himself is sick of the bullshit – frankly, I think he probably was sick of it the second the ink dried on the contract. He actually IS a decent actor – again, see The Fall if you want to see the scope of his skills – so it was a bit disheartening to discover he’d taken on the roll at all. I know money talks, but absolute bullshit walks, and Fifty Shades certainly qualifies as bullshit (and that’s being kind).
What will be the biggest joke is that they’ll still make the second and third movies with another actor. Dakota Johnson will stay, of course, because she’s got the personality of wet cardboard and as much chance of getting a decent role otherwise as I have of being Taylor Swift‘s next BFF. In other words, she’s there to stay – how hard is it to bite your lip, anyway?
Fifty Shades of Grey is an absolute disaster, and we all know it. It’s making a killing at the box office, sure, but there hasn’t been a single positive review for it – it’s awful, the end. With this in mind, and given all the unrest that happened between Fifty Shades‘ author EL James and the movie’s director Sam Taylor-Johnson, it’s no surprise to hear that the franchise will need to be looking for a new director for the second and third movie.
“Sam won’t be back for the Fifty Shades sequels. She wants out and Universal knows that’s the right decision.
“Her relationship with Erika has become absolutely toxic – they despise each other and blame each other for the problems with the film.”
The source continued: “All the biggest arguments were about the sex scenes in the film.
“Erica wanted the movie to be loyal to the book and much more explicit.
“But Sam pushed back because she wanted the movie to be more than just a collection of S&M scenes.”
Or, you know, maybe Sam Taylor-Johnson knows she’s got even less hope of being taken seriously as a director if she stays in with this shitty franchise?
Probably the funniest thing is all the series fans who have come out of the movie realizing what utter garbage it is, but they’re so unwilling to admit that they liked utter garbage that I’ve heard literally dozens of people being like, “Well, it was just the first one. The second and third will totally be better because the story is better then!”
Uh, the story is glorified domestic violence with no bearing on actual BDSM, but kewl, keep telling yourself that and wasting your money.
Book your tickets and stash an extra pair of underwear in your handbags, ladies, because Fifty Shades of Grey is hitting theatres this Saturday, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Because, you know, nothing says romance like a glorified tale of abusive man and a woman with no self-worth! Yahoo! Not to mention two actors who can’t stand each other and have zero chemistry!
Poor Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson they thought it’d just be some easy money and realized just a second too late that uh, you know, it’s probably the worst thing they could have ever done. Now they have to do interviews nonstop and be asked about their favourite sex positions and like, pose naked for magazines and actually simulate penetration, when it comes to W Magazine‘s March 2015 issue. Yikes.
More scans are behind the cut since many are NSFW, but frankly, they should be safe for work because they’re the most clinical, least sexy things I’ve ever seen. The one where they’re actually apparently having sex? I mean, the blank look on both of their faces would make any woman (with a brain) dry as a desert, but whatever. I particularly enjoy the second one, where Jamie’s face is the epitome of “Kill me now!”. Enjoy – and thanks to the Twitter follower who felt the need to watermark every one of their scans for scanning them to begin with.
If there’s anything on this earth that’s worse than the whole Fifty Shades of Grey franchise, it’s gotta be Steve Buscemi, right? I mean, Steve Buscemi himself is awesome, but combine Steve Buscemi with S&M and/or anything even remotely sexual, and you’ve gone too far. Such is the case with Fifty Shades of Buscemi, a spoof trailer with Buscemi as Christian Grey. It’s hilarious, sure, but it’s also extremely disturbing:
Although, you know, the more I think of it, 50 Shades actually works SO much better than the actual movie, which takes itself FAR too seriously. If this was real, I think I’d be 10x more likely to see it… and laugh my ass off.
In case you were curious and hadn’t already seen the news, it’s not just the 50 Shades of Grey movie that’s a complete and utter mess, but also the cast and crew. Turns out, stars Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson can’t stand each other in real life, which translates to having zero chemistry on screen. Oh, and director Sam Taylor-Johnson and the book’s author E.L. James were at odds the entire time the thing was filming. Sounds like a real party!
Now that the press tour has started for the movie’s release, Jamie and Dakota have been put on the spot, and the seem fucking miserable about the whole affair. A perfect example of this came in the form of a new Glamour behind-the-scenes Q&A about the film, where both stars look like they’d honestly rather be anywhere else but answering fan-asked questions on an iPad floating between their two heads:
It’s bad. It’s incredibly bad. You need to head over to Defamer to look at the exhaustive list of TERRIBLE press these two have done, because it is indeed exhaustive and really ridiculous. Why anyone wants to see this shit in general is beyond me, but when you consider the stars are people who can’t stand each other or the movie they’re in, it makes it even less appealing than it already was.
Oh, and Jamie Dornan is too good for this shit. Anyone who’s watched The Fall knows that. What possessed him to do this (money?) is beyond me, but it was a very clear mistake and something tells me he realized that just a split second too late.
Jamie Dornan freaks my beans (and not in the nether regions, as many seem to experience). After watching him for two seasons in The Fall, I can’t look at him and think anything other than “freak alert” – which is I suppose why he’s a perfect fit for the role of Christian Grey in Fifty Shades.
Speaking of his role in the Twilight-fanfic-cum (ahem)-housewife-erotica, Jamie knows why some people aren’t all that fond of the story and find it kind of sexist, but he still wants to set the record straight (via Elle UK):
“The love story is more important than the BDSM aspect. I mean, we are going to tell a love story, you know, it can’t just be what happens in the Red Room, that’s not a film. There’s so much more going on than that.”
“I can understand why people say tying a woman up and spanking her is misogynistic. But actually, more men are submissives than women. Very powerful men. It’s a far bigger scene than I imagined: in pretty much any city in the world that you could name, people want to get spanked with a paddle with studs on it.”
Well, I’m sure he did lots of research and knows what he’s talking about. Ahem.
Fifty Shades of Grey comes out on Valentine’s Day – will you be watching it?
Also, because I’m kind and generous, I’m tucking a naked picture of Jamie Dornan’s ass behind the cut. WHY IS IT SO PERT AND ROUND? That is a lady’s ass if ever I saw one. But uh… Happy New Year!