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50 Shades Of Grey

1This Is the Real Life Christian Grey

christian grey

Sure, 50 Shades of Grey is just repurposed Twilight fanfiction (no, literally, it is), but who was E.L. James getting hot and steamy in her knickers for when writing her “original” story? There has to be a real Christian Grey behind the character, right?

Well, turns out, there is – 39-year-old Italian real estate agent Alessandro Proto, seen in the photo above, was apparently James’ main inspiration to write due to their steamy love affair, LOL.

From the New York Daily News:

The duo met back in 2010 when James was touring Italy writing about international celebrities snapping up properties in the country.

Proto, who claims to have brokered home deals with stars such as Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio and Madonna, spent two days travelling with the author from Milan to Lake Como. He claims James featured several aspects of that journey in her books, where Grey slowly turns 21-year-old Anastasia Steele into his own personal sex slave.

“The firm Grey runs in the book is called Grey Enterprise Holding. Mine is called Proto Organization Holding,” the former encyclopedia salesman, born in Milan, said.

“When I met E.L. James I used to drive a R8 Audi,” he added, saying it was also mirrored in the fiction.

Proto says the top floor location of his office was used in the book.

“My office is located at the 8th floor. It is the highest in the building. I came from nothing, so I see top floors as a metaphor for achievement and success,” he said.

Notoriously media-shy Proto, who’s only given four interviews in the last four years, claims his “mystique” also influenced the saga’s main character.

“Christian Grey doesn’t like speaking to reporters, so he builds up a mystery that surrounds him,” he said. “Everyone knows he made it, but nobody knows how he reached success. Same with me,” he added.

Proto also revealed that, during his time with James, she asked why he never granted interviews. “I just told her the truth. I wanna focus on my job, nothing else,” he replied.

LOL, uh… wait. So, how long did they date? Was it the two days traveling or ongoing? Also, why is this dude so amped up to claim himself as the real life Christian Grey when Christian Grey was kind of a dick?

When it comes to his sex life, at least, Proto says he’s more “old-fashioned” but that because people figured out he was Christian Grey (HOW?), he gets a lot of “indecent proposals” on his work email.

“Everything that has to do with S&M is pure imagination, I assure you. I’m an old fashioned man when it comes to sex, I’m not into that kind of fantasies,” he added.

Aight, bro, whatever you say.

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February 11, 2014 at 4:30 pm by Jennifer
Filed Under: 50 Shades of Grey

1Here’s Your First ’50 Shades of Grey’ Poster

50 shades

Hope you’re all getting moist in your nether regions for the upcoming watered-down 50 Shades of Grey movie that will not contain any of the explicit sex scenes that the entire book is based on! It’s gonna be GREAT! Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson have “chemistry” which they’ll totally put on show for you via a lot of lip biting and some sultry looks before the camera cuts when panties start dropping. I’m sure it’ll be everything that people who actually like that shite were hoping for.

In any case, we’ve got our first look at the poster for the film – which isn’t even due out until 2015, I might add. That seems like a bizarrely far away release date for a franchise whose popularity is already past its prime, right? Ah, whatever. I’m sure plenty of people will go to see “real passion” and the “moving storyline”.

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January 25, 2014 at 4:30 pm by Jennifer

4’50 Shades of Grey’ Stars “Have Chemistry”

jamie dornan dakota johnson

Whoopdi-fuckin-do and all, but it turns out that Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson – the stars of the forthcoming big screen shitshow that will be the 50 Shades of Grey movie – have found “chemistry” together, both on AND off screen. Don’t get any freaky ideas into your head – Jamie is a family guy and I don’t think anyone cares what Dakota does with her life, but they’re just “hot” together.

From E! Online:

The highly anticipated film’s producer, Michael De Luca, spoke with E! News about how filming is going at the Producers Guild Awards over the weekend in Los Angeles.

“It’s hot,” he said of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan’s chemistry throughout shooting. “I think we are a little more than halfway through but it’s going really good. I’m excited!”

So how are the future Mr. Grey and Anastasia Steele getting along with one another when the cameras aren’t rolling?

“The chemistry is there, they genuinely like each other,” De Luca revealed to us. “They’re enjoying the story, the story is so powerful.”

LOL, the story is so powerful? Dear God, please help the idiots who believe that to be a true statement. Powerfully awful? Powerfully boring and stereotypical? Powerfully geared towards bored housewives? Ah right, I guess that’s what they must’ve meant.

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January 21, 2014 at 5:30 pm by Jennifer

0Rita Ora’s Joining The Fifty Shades Mess

Rita Ora‘s got a lot going on right now. She just had a birthday and dressed up like this, and she just got evicted from her flat. Here’s some even more hot mess news: she’s joining the cast of Fifty Shades of Grey, which just started filming. From EW:

Rita Ora, best known as a singer signed to Jay Z’s Roc Nation label, has been cast as Mia, Christian Grey’s adopted sister, in Fifty Shades of Grey. The British pop star has only four IMDb credits to her name, so this will be a pretty high-profile introduction to her acting.

Ora confirmed the news, first reported by The Hollywood Reporter, on Twitter.

Does this make anyone more inclined to see the film? Sorry to be so negative about Fifty Shades, but…you know, come on. I just don’t get it. Anyone want to explain it to me?

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December 3, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

0’50 Shades of Grey’ Is An “Incredible Love Story”, Apparently


I suppose you’ve got to hand it to Dakota Johnson for desperately trying to turn 50 Shades Into a Grey into something more than glorified porn. We all know it’s an absolute hot mess and most of the people who go to see it will be the same middle aged housewives who are sexually unfulfilled and/or lack any real imagination, but Dakota insists there’s an “incredible love story” in there, and that’s why so many people love it. Uh………………………………

From Entertainment Weekly:

“I just really understand it,” said Johnson. “I think it’s an incredible love story and that’s why it’s affected so many people. Erica (EL James) did a really good job of explaining how that just can happen sometimes and you have this chemical pull to someone. Adding in the sex makes it perfect. Sometimes you feel a little bit naughty and that’s okay.”

LOL, I just… cannot take any of this seriously. Yes, it’s okay to feel “naughty”. But maybe since we’re talking about grown ass adults, we could stop acting like fucking 5-year-olds and using words like “naughty”, for one. Second of all, just… no. You’re performing glorified Twilight fanfic, girl. Calm down.

In related news, they wanna make this shit as kinky as possible, so apparently there might be an R-rated version along with an NC-17, according to producer Dana Brunetti.

From Collider:

“It’ll be R, obviously it has to be R.  This is just my opinion and this doesn’t mean this is going to happen, but I always thought it would be really cool if we released the R version and then we had an NC-17 version that we released a few weeks later.  So everybody could go and enjoy the R version, and then if they really wanted to see it again and get a little bit more gritty with it then have that NC-17 version out there as well.  It’d be great for the studio too because they’d get a double dip on the box office… What we’re kind of hearing from the fans is they want it dirty, they want it as close as possible [to the book].  We want to keep it elevated but also give the fans what they want.”

Yes, we get it. You want to make porn. The movie isn’t coming out until February 2015… will people still even be interested in this bullshit by then?

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November 17, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

0Catch The First Peek At Christian Grey And What’s-Her-Face!


Jamie Dornan stars a Christian Grey for the new lolzfest Fifty Shades of Grey film and he’s on the cover of Entertainment Weekly in full Grey-ness, with Dakota Johnson, who plays what’s-her-face (Anastasia Steele).

This cover says it all, doesn’t it? It’s every bit as cheesy and horrible and creepy as we think it’s going to be. Look at her face! They’re not even showering her whole face. No, she must cover it, for she is terrified of master Grey. And look at him! He looks like J. Crew turned into a person and got drunk.

What do you guys think?

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November 13, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
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