Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Gilbert Gottfried Fired from Aflac Over Twitter Comments

photo of gilbert gottfried voice of aflac pictures

As well he should be, if I have anything to say about it.

Gilbert Gottfried, the comedian who voiced the duck for the Aflac insurance commercials, took to his Twitter account yesterday to make some really fucking distasteful jokes about the disaster that occurred in Japan last week.

Gottfried, who’s always had the funny voice, but oddly enough, never been funny, was officially released from his duties late Monday night. According to the insurance company’s VP:

“Gilbert’s recent comments about the crisis in Japan were lacking in humor and certainly do not represent the thoughts and feelings of anyone at Aflac. Aflac Japan – and by extension, Japan itself – is part of the Aflac family, and there is no place for anything but compassion and concern during these difficult times.”

Well said. I mean, let’s get real here: the quake that rocked Japan was upgraded from an 8.9 to a 9.0. It’s one of the biggest on record in modern history. The quake MOVED THE ISLAND OF JAPAN thirteen FEET. The earth now spins on an axis that’s been calculated to be four inches different than what it was a few weeks ago, over a half-million people are displaced, the death toll is rising, the number of missing is astronomical, and there’s the very real possibility that a nuclear meltdown may occur at not one, but a couple, of reactors in the area. This disaster is one of epic proportions, and the loss of humans, quality of life, and damage to infrastructure almost goes beyond my comprehension. My heart is broken for these people, all of whom I do not even KNOW.

I am sickened, saddened, and appalled at the way a comedian – even a sub-par comedian – could try to capitalize off of this type of circumstance, because guys? There’s nothing fucking funny or lighthearted about ANY of it.

Afternoon Delight [The PM Links]

photo of lisa rinna boob job implants pictures

Mila Kunis probably broke Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel up. [The Superficial]

Kirsten Dunst – totally sober. Right. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Trouble in paradise for Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson? [Earsucker]

I could have lived a lifetime without seeing Snooki‘s bare ass. [TMZ]

Mel Gibson pleads ‘no contest.’ I don’t even fucking know what that means, but he avoided jail time for assault. [ICYDK]

Katherine Heigl emerges from under the rocks with a new haircut. [The Blemish]

Selena Gomez wants you to get that camera the fuck out of her face. [Celebuzz]

Eddie Cibrian no longer relies on LeAnn Rimes to support him financially. Let the breakup rumors begin! [Betty Confidential]

Amber Rose tells everyone how much she weighs, asks how fat she is. [Huffington Post]

Lisa Rinna: FIRED. [Bitten and Bound]

So This is What Charlie Sheen’s Been Working On

picture of charlie sheen filming operation greyhound movie photos

I know a lot of you guys are totally devastated by the cancellation of Charlie Sheen’s contract on Two and a Half Men, but fear no more: Charlie’s been working on a special new feature film-like project with Radar Online that centers around the current drama that’s taken over the star’s life. The short film, called Operation Greyhound, made its mini-debut this morning on Radar Online’s site (you can watch the excerpts here) and depicted Sheen and his newest goddess, Natalie Kenly, heading up a covert strike team to rescue his defunct trailer from the Warner Brothers studio lot.

The full version of the film will be released later in the month if he doesn’t die before then. I’ll know I’ll be waiting with bated breath.

We Were Thisclose to Seeing a Picture of Jake Gyllenhaal’s Wang

picture of jake gyllenhaal at south by southwest sxsw photos
Are any of you guys having a crap ton of fun at SxSW? Molls is there, and a few of my other friends are there, too, and I have NOTHING BUT LOVE for the city of Austin, Texas. I used to sleep with this one guy that lived in Austin, and he was pretty hot. Mad love for Austin, its people, SxSW and the craziness that usually ensues whenever I travel there.

Naturally, when I’m not there, even more hubbub goes down in the Lonestar State: Jake Gyllenhaal was reportedly in a men’s room at the fest and a dude walked in and took photos of him standing there in all his urinating glory. Rumor has it that some guy snapped the picture of Jake holding his dick, but Jake was suave enough to convince the fan that deleting the picture was his best option. Entertainment Tonight touched base with Jake (bwahahahah) on the incident and Jake confirmed it did all go down:

EW: There are rumors that there was a rather heated scuffle in the theater bathroom last night as a fan tried to take your picture at an inelegant time?

JG: (laughs) That’s true. I think it’s an appropriate space to keep privacy. I hope that people wouldn’t disagree with me on that.

Yeah, it’s pretty nuts that someone would go to such great lengths to take a photo of a celebrity relieving themselves in the bathroom, but hey. There’s a market for all sorts of things these days, guys.

Somewhere, Taylor Swift shakes her fist and demands her money back.

Morning Wood [The AM Links]

photo of skinny kate middleton hot pictures

Indeed, this is why we can ignore the fact that Jenny McCarthy probably killed innocent children. [The Superficial]

Further proof that Vanessa Hudgens just gets hotter and hotter every day (eat your heart out, Zac Efron). [The Frisky]

Photographic evidence that Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson are continuously all over one another. [Yeeeah]

I totally thought this was Joaquin Phoenix and when I found out it wasn’t, I nearly shit all over myself. [Pajiba]

Charlie Sheen will apparently be doing live shows now. [Cele|Bitchy]

Why Gwen Stefani feels ‘gross’ after becoming a mom. [Amy Grindhouse]

Emma Watson‘s got a big announcement for you guys. [Lainey Gossip]

Apparently Kim Kardashian‘s boobs look fabulous in pink. [Caught on Set]

And this is why Kate Middleton deserves to BE QUEEN. [Celebuzz]

This is why you might not want to run out and see Red Riding Hood this week. [Socialite Life]

Caption This

photo of taylor momsen of the pretty reckless looking like she's taking a shit onstage photos

So here at Evil Beet we’ve got some more fun stuff in the works for you guys. I know a lot of you are all like, ‘Bitch, don’t be tellin’ me to do stuff’ when you see the commanding ‘CAPTION THIS’ on select postings, so we’ve decided to be super awesome, and in return for your acerbic wit, we’re going to be giving stuff away.

Starting somewhere around April 1st, weekly ‘Caption This’ articles will run and you guys will get some kind-of-awesome Evil Beet-themed stuff shipped right to your door if you’re the funniest. We’ll draw a winner weekly and if your caption is the most amusing, it’ll pays off.

Get practicing!

Kim Kardashian and Eva Longoria Go Flapper for the Weekend

picture of kim kardashian flapper boobs photos

Eva Longoria turned thirty-six this past weekend, you know. And to commemorate the event, she decided to throw a 20′s flapper-themed birthday party, and guests like Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, and someone who looked suspiciously like Soledad O’Brien (it’s not – sorry, guys, I watched waaaayyy too much CNN this weekend, so I’m seeing Soledads and Anderson Coopers everywhere) partying it up in 1920′s attire. Tony Parker, naturally, was nowhere in sight.

Also, in light of recent events, and because the aforementioned Anderson Cooper ALSO thinks it’s a good idea (and who doesn’t love AC), why don’t you guys text REDCROSS to 90999 – it sends a $10 donation to the Red Cross, who are fighting to aid the quake and tsunami victims in Japan and other devastated areas.